drust

Tonight, after a nice night out with friends, I got home and looked at porn for five minutes.
It was force of habit.

But then I remembered guilt, and that I really actually did not want to look at porn, and that I could do productive things if I avoided looking at porn.
So I stopped lookign at porn.

I feel guilt. But not as much as if I had masterbated.

And now that I have stopped, the urge to watch it is strong.

But I know this is how the Yetzer Hara operates. It likes you feeling guilty, And it gets stronger if you fight back against it.

So thank G-D for this Forum, which is a positive activity I can do instead of looking at porn.

out of control
everything is out of control
c'mon boy
you should rise again
persevere!
Withstand!
Try once more...
c'mon boy

New member here - I didn't think I was that addicted, but I've fallen a handful of times over the past few months - the yetzer hara would trick me into doing it by convincing me that by seeking pleasure it would 'relieve stress'. Don't fall into this trap!! I joined the site a few days ago and haven't fallen since I joined, but I just had an urge to look at an inappropriate site which came out of nowhere... I closed the site quickly. Be careful everyone we can't let our guards down for a second!! This is the battle of our generation! Listening regularly to mussar lectures is one of the best things, also learning Torah, since this is the ultimate pleasure which is far greater than anything this world has to offer. Also, by stretching ourselves with short periods of intense learning, we will hopefully be too tired to think of forbidden things.

shmuel83 wrote on 13 Jan 2020 04:07:

Welcome Shmuel!
We're all so excited to have another great member on board. Please keep on posting your progress and what works or does not work for you. Hopefully you'll be a great inspiration for the others that are struggling to be able to also hop on board with the great fighters like you. 
Keep it up!

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha. Keep posting. Staying connected helps a lot b'ezras Hashem.

DavidT wrote on 13 Jan 2020 19:42:

Thank you so much!
I'll post when I can. I don't have a lot of free time due to work (I recently got a job in a city where there are not many Jews - long story). I had a good day today in terms of guarding my eyes, but I still have to be careful I don't fall as I'm single and currently living alone. I'll hopefully be moving closer to the synagogue here soon so I'll be able to walk to shul B"H.

shmuel83 wrote on 14 Jan 2020 07:50:

A few comments if I may:
​1- Not having a lot of free time is a good thing. One of the keys to success in this battle is keeping busy and away from tempting situations.
2- You are never alone ;-) even if you're living without other people, Hashem is always with you... taking care of you and helping you succeed! 
3- Please keep us posted about your moving so we can ride along with your amazing journey ....

An amazing thing happened to me today.
Last night I was watching a mussar talk about the importance of keeping Shabbat (I grew up not shomer Shabbat and have been struggling to keep it now since moving to an area with not many Jews). Before I went to bed last night I asked Hashem to help me keep Shabbat where I am, and this morning I got a call from another Jew who lives not far from me inviting me to Shabbat dinner this Friday! I truly believe Hashem needs to hear our prayers and requests now more than ever as He wants to know that we are still thinking of Him. Please keep talking to Hashem, He will listen, I am sure of it.

shmuel83 wrote on 15 Jan 2020 03:50:

In one of the popular zemiros we sing on Shabbos, we proclaim, ki eshmerah Shabbos Keil yishmereini — “When I guard the Shabbos, G-d will safeguard me.” If we protect Shabbos against desecration, then Hashem protects us.

Shabbat is not only Judaism's best spiritual tool, but historically it has also been the litmus test of whether an individual or family will remain a vibrant part of the Jewish people. The famous maxim says:

"More than the Jew has kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jew."

A true story:

Bnei Brak is a city in Israel with a largely religious population. There once was a fellow living there who wasn't a religious man, but since he lived in the area, he sent his daughter to a yeshiva. After learning for a few years in yeshiva, the daughter decided she wanted to observe the Shabbat. Since the family did not want to observe Shabbat, fights broke out every week between the parents and their daughter.

One Friday afternoon, the daughter went to the local store to buy candles for Shabbat. The storeowner, who knew that the family did not observe the Shabbat, assumed the girl wanted yahrtzeit candles and gave her two of them. (Yahrtzeit candles are lit in memory of the deceased on the date of his or her death.)

That night, while her parents were downstairs, the girl went quietly to her room to light the candles. After awhile, her parents went to check on her. As they opened the door, they saw the yahrtzeit candles burning. "Who are these for?" they asked.

"One is for Daddy," she said, "and one is for Mommy."

The irony of their daughter's words hit home. Without the Shabbat, they came to realize, it's only a matter of time before their connection to Jewish continuity would die forever. Slowly the parents began to make their way back to a stronger, more vibrant Jewish lifestyle.

keep going boy
go ahead....

Drust, you are doing an amazing thing by coming back to these forums to post your success and challenges. Keep interacting and giving it your best and Hashem will surely help you out! 

Day by day, step by step....

Ugh. Wasted 2 hours on YouTube last night and as a result woke up late this morning and didn't make it to shacharit for Rosh Chodesh. There aren't that many Jews in the area so we don't have a minyan every morning. Didn't look at anything inappropriate thank G-d, but I'm annoyed at myself regardless.

shmuel83 wrote on 27 Jan 2020 02:06:

Thanks for sharing that one. It is such a waste and a time suck. I have YouTube blocked on all of my devices, but I still end up wasting time on it at work and with other people's devices.

I don't block it, but only because I use it to watch shiurim and other videos that have educational content.

The one good thing about it is that YouTube recommends videos based on what we watch. I don't know if anyone else has tried this, but one solution would be to aggressively curate the "recommended videos" either by saying you're not interested, or that you don't want to see recommendations from that particular channel. It might take a while for YouTube to adjust its recommendations to your preferences though.

I know it would be ridiculous but I think I fall in love with a p*rnstar.
I imagine her face, her body in my mind sometimes. then I search her name in the internet and ... (you know what happens then)
I did everything to forget her but in stressful situations and important moments I remember her.
What is wrong with me...