I’ve made it to 90 days! I want to thank the entire GYE community. Being part of a chabra of people working on porn, masturbation, and lust issues is a tremendous chizuk.This is  a special place where people can get together and help each other overcome the secret battle against the yetza hora of zunis that our generation struggles with. This battle is not easy, but by being part of a chabura like this makes it easier.
This is not the first time I’ve been clean this long, but I’ve I believe this was the most difficult. As I posted  in the Baal habatim forum I could not be with my wife for 10 weeks due to a business trip and then my wife becoming assur for a very very long time. In 14 years of marriage I’ve never went that long. In addition I had several very stressful situations  occur during this time period. The fact I did not escape with masturbation is amazing. I am someone since the age of 13 used porn, masturbation, and lust to deal with stress. The fact I was able to get 90 days like this, I truly believe anyone can. It’s certainly not easy, but doable. I wish everyone on hear hatzlocha is this struggle and in all areas of life.

I’m totally aware this struggle is not over, it will never be. The yetza hara is always there to try to pull me back to my old ways. At the same, to be totally blunt I  see I can live life just fine without ejaculation, sex, masturbation, porn, sexual fantasies, lust, etc. There was a night that I felt very triggered and every part of me wanted to act out. I realized I could feel like that and still not act out. I called someone which helped me feel less triggered and be accountable. In the end the feelings left and nothing bad happened when I didn’t act out.,For me that’s was a big chiddush. In the past when I felt like that I needed to act out as soon as I could and that’s all I think about it. So when the yetza hora tries to entice me I need to remind myself of these 90 days.

I bli nedar want to accept another 90 day challenge, a shorter-term goal of Chanuaka, and a short-term goal of getting through today.

100 days! I’ve had thoughts this week, but B”H still clean. By thoughts I mean “let’s google...something triggering”. B”H I have a filter so I couldn’t if I tried. I realize thoughts like that are going to pop in my head. I’ve had them probably since I was at least 12. It doesn’t mean I have to act on it. Also having a filter is the key. Without one it took a few seconds of weakness to fall, but now I can’t so quickly. I also need to be honest with myself. In the past during periods of  trying to be clean I would eventually  matar googling triggering things because it wasn’t actually porn. Of course it would always eventually led to porn. Being totally honest with myself I can’t give in to the yetz hora one bit, because once I give in a little it will suck me in all the way. So I accept I’m going to have thoughts, but I don’t have to act on it or even indulge them.  And if they really become strong I have tools like reaching out to someone, distracting myself, ect..

Eish Emes wrote on 08 Dec 2019 02:44:

I totally relate to this post.  This is something I've struggled with from time to time.  Thanks for the chizuk and mazol tov on reaching 100 days!

Eish Emes wrote on 08 Dec 2019 02:44:

Amazing. Very impressive!
How u been recently?