It’s been a while since I posted. I’m on my way home from my first business trip. I was nervous because I would be alone in a hotel for a few days, but B”H remained clean. 

Please advise for fellow hotel travelers. What did you do to stay clean?

A bit of exercise.
Reading in my room.

That way had positive things to achieve from otherwise isolating experience.

This is my first trip so I’m certainly no expert. Also the ways things worked out made it easier. First was being aware beforehand it  could be a difficult. I decided that I wouldn’t use the  internet at night when I was alone. I also had people set-up  to reach out to if I needed too. Things specific to this trip was I was very busy and exhausted by the end of the day. Also I happen to be in a time zone 2 hours earlier then home. I kept to my usual schedule which meant going to bed  and waking up early local time. For me that was a big  help because nights are most difficult for me.

25 days-B”H still clean. I’m feeling very anxious. There’s a lot of things going on in my life. I did find talking about it with my wife helpful. Something we should do more often. Escaping from it with p and m does not help anything. 

Made it through Elul! Just went through Rosh Hashanah. It was a different Rosh Hashanah this year then the past few years because I’ve started to take real actions, instead of just committing to be better. It’s important for me to continue. At the moment I’ve set up protections on my phone and my wife has the passcode. I would like to setup stronger protections, but it can’t happen until after succos. I did a chesbon before Rosh Hashanah and to the best of my knowledge there is no way I can use my phone for inappropriate stuff the way it’s set up now. There was something I almost forgot, but B”H deleted  it Erev Rosh Hashanah. Thank you the GYE chevra in general and certain individuals in particular helping me making it through Elul. May we all see success in this struggle this year! 

It’s been a while since I posted. I certainly planned to post more often. With Yomim Norim and Yom Tovim coming up I have been very busy. B”H made it to Yom Kippur clean. I posted about it in the Balei Batim forum and don’t want to go in to details here, but have the additional  challenge of my wife being assur to me for a really long time. So far getting through one day at a time. IM”H I will keep on going and truckin. 

It’s been way too long since I posted. B”H I’m still clean. 59 days!! I’ve made it through Elul, Yomim  and  succoss! There’s a lot of craziness going on my life now. The fact I’ve made it this long on top of everything going on is truly amazing and a gift from Hashem. Now the real challenge begins. I don’t have the added inspiration of Elul and Tishrei. I need to keep on trucking one day at a time. 

Day 60! I’m going through a lot of stress. I was feeling triggered earlier. I realized even if I’m triggered doesn’t mean I have to act on it. Feeling triggered is not going to kill me and it will go away. Made a phone call, did some meditation, prepared tomorrow’s lunch and my wife and me and now the triggered feeling went away. Now it’s time for a good night of sleep and tomorrow is another day. 

Still clean. I’ve been going through a lot lately. I’ve had some thoughts and quite a bit of stress. That doesn’t mean I have to escape with p and m. In fact the longer I’m clean the more I realize I can get by with out p and m. Sorry If I’m blunt but, no matter what thoughts pops in my head or stress I’m experiencing motzei zera is not going to solve anything. 

Day 73. I’m going through a lot of stress now. At the same I’m realizing I don’t need to escape from it through lust. The longer I am clean the more I realize the illusion of p and m. It might provide a few minutes of escape from stress, but afterwards the stress is still there and I feel worse. I’m able to survive the stress without p and m. On the other hand I meditated tonight. That also  provided an escape, but unlike p and m I feel better afterwards more relaxed and less stressed. I would like to make meditation a part of my regular routine.

79 days! This was a very difficult week.  I had a few nights of insomnia because I was anxious about something. B”H I made it through clean. I realize this battle is fought one day at a time. At the same time I need to remind myself in the future no matter how bad things are I have  gone through something very difficult stuff without acting out, there’s  no reason to act out now.

88 days! I’m not sure what’s the bigger childush, I’m clean this long or that I have been able to get through a ton of stress the past few weeks without escaping with  p***, m*******, or lust. Either way it’s clearly a neis and a gift from Hashem. 

Mazel tov on your tremendous accomplishments. May Hashem help you continue.

Just my humble opinion. It is healthier to write out the words pornography and masturbation and not use asterisks. They are not nivul peh. We need not give them so much power by being unspeakable words. Saying/writing them does not trigger (most people). By not fearing these words, we can accept them as defined "things" with clear boundaries, and then b'ezras Hashem not be scared of them and eventually conquer them. They leave the "big black secretive monster" zone we had categorized them in. Secondly, as we all know, honesty is integral to recovery. Saying "I masturbated, I watched pornography" is step one in breaking free (It is also step one in teshuva - vidui). It took me a long time to be able to type those words, let alone say them. Now, when speaking with GYE chevra, I easily, clinically, say pornography, masturbation, sex, penis, climax, etc. much like a doctor does. In "real life" I am extremely makpid on speaking in a refined manner. I don't consider this a contradiction. Again just my opinion...…..

I totally agree. I have always felt silly not writing out porn and masturbation. I thought it was minhag hamakom on GYE not to and wanted to be respectful. I will start now.