Bummer of a day.  Mikva night was a cold-shoulder night over something I said to try to help a situation, but one sentence was blown out of proportion.  Today was fighting, even as I took off half the day of work to babysit (I came home 10 minutes too late).  Most of the rest of the day is obsessing over how not to go back to my usual outlet when things go sour with the Mrs. instead of a productive work session.  Been on GYE ten times today because I have nothing else I am motivated to do now... At least I woke up on the right side of the ground.

Not acting out when the Mrs is cranky is probably one of the strongest things we will ever do.
I relate to mikvah night being like that. Mikvah makes my wife very stressed out, & I have to tiptoe on eggshells around the whole sugya; not fun.

I've experienced that in the past as well. Sometimes I feel like the urge wants is using the situation as an excuse, justifying it with my anger or being upset. Glad to hear that you were able to stay focused! Continued success!

Do you ever have one of those days where you don't feel the lust to do it, just overwhelmed with things in general and you want to resort to that (former) favorite form of comfort and solace, that comfortable feeling of 'taking care of business' before you return to the real world?

The addiction definitely has a strong aspect of lust, but is also clearly a coping mechanism to deal with anger, stress, boredom, anxiety, fear etc. when there is no lust triggering it.

B'H I didn't give in.  I'm leaving the last opportunity for a hard fall today right now.  Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully with fewer challenges.

Yup I relate...
Keep shteiging!

Absolutely! I've been told that EVERY time I feel like acting out it's because something is bothering me. I have not quite reached that recognition & still believe that sometimes it is plain ol' lust; but it's definitely true that when I am bothered by any of the things you mentioned that I feel like escaping to the land of masturbation, even if not necessarily for lust-purposes. I also find that lust-hits are magnified hundreds of times over when I'm particularly stressed by something. (- like sitting too long in this quarantine losing my marbles!).
Just knowing that it's a תוצאה of the stress usually helps me pass it, telling myself that it won't really be as awesome as I think it will be, that it's just my stressed-out addict-brain kvetching to me.
Keep it up, you're an inspiration to many of us here!

Fell today.  Then again.  And again.

No desire for lust, no arousal, no itch in the pants.

Just had to do it and was immobilized half the day because I couldn't do it, but I couldn't get my mind off doing it.

Eventually did it.  It bothers me, but I don't feel regret.  I'm not very upset. More upset about a wasted day not being productive at the office.  I'm just 'so well, I'll just have it harder breaking through again...'

What's the matter with me?

I can relate to this.
Just doing it for the simple reason of doing it.
Though I may have not felt regret, it never felt good or satisfying

Having regrets can be saved for another time anyway.

We are glad your starting again!
take one day at a time!

Ouch. I know the by regret feeling. I think it's a mechanism of our mind not to get the pain of regret, although I don't really know.

Either way, regret never really kept me clean, when you feel a little bit better, write down, why do you want to be clean?