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A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.
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TOPIC: forum efficacy 276 Views

forum efficacy 27 Nov 2018 13:19 #337523

  • Ely
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Hi all
I am writing because the forum is supposed to be way to share the struggle 
The truth is i don't think it is at all good for me
Hearing about how this guy fell or nearly fell (so its normal to fall)
Or about this guy gets tangled up in his fantasies ( i can have fantasies too)
Or how this guy feels despondent so he's open to a trigger (that really is me)
Is the right attitude to keep away from all of these thoughts completely whether they're from my imagination or someone else's
I think maybe for me the answer is yes
Just watch the numbers like I'm in a competition to get to the top of the chart and listen to those inspiring broadcasts
good luck to all
Ely

Re: forum efficacy 27 Nov 2018 15:19 #337524

  • kavod
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Hello Ely,

Thank you for your opinion.
If you change it, welcome back.
Ah.
I once did what you did. I thought somehow what you thought.
And it worked for 100 days.
But now I realise that the engine, the shuttle was knowing that I am not alone. Others are fighting too. And they told me, you can do it brother.
Now I see they were more helpful than I thought.

Moreover, everybody is different. There is people that not only gets out from impurity, but elevates with him as many souls as he can.

Everybody has a different mission.
Last Edit: 27 Nov 2018 15:27 by kavod.

Re: forum efficacy 27 Nov 2018 20:14 #337529

  • serenity
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Hi Ely, Welcome! Maybe you should welcome me. I don't think I've posted in about a year. People are still sharing their "struggles" here! My first day here in 2015 Cordnoy (he still around?) asked me if I was ready to stop struggling!? I didn't know what he was talking about at the time. Now, when I hear "struggling" I see imagery of a guy in alligator pit wrestling that alligator down. My alligator got me every time. I say "get out of the pit!" Stop engaging the alligator people. That's what worked for me, sober one day at a time by the kindness of Hashem since 3/19/2015. 

​Everyone wants to learn how to wrestle the alligator. 

And by the way I wouldn't say people "fall". People dive.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: forum efficacy 27 Nov 2018 21:25 #337533

  • grateful4life
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Ely wrote on 27 Nov 2018 13:19:
Hi all
I am writing because the forum is supposed to be way to share the struggle 
The truth is i don't think it is at all good for me
Hearing about how this guy fell or nearly fell (so its normal to fall)
Or about this guy gets tangled up in his fantasies ( i can have fantasies too)
Or how this guy feels despondent so he's open to a trigger (that really is me)
Is the right attitude to keep away from all of these thoughts completely whether they're from my imagination or someone else's
I think maybe for me the answer is yes
Just watch the numbers like I'm in a competition to get to the top of the chart and listen to those inspiring broadcasts
good luck to all
Ely

Hi Ely
Thank you for sharing this honest post. What the forum does to help us the most, is simply to get open and honest with others about our struggle. If we keep fighting it inside our head we will never win. When we take the skeletons out of our closet and start shedding light on it by writing it down on "paper" for everyone to see, then the skeletons begin to shrink and we begin to heal. There are many levels to this and many of us start on the forum, some may prgress to calling people and some of us go to face to face meetings - the more we become vulnerable and honest the more we heal.
It's nice to get support and feedback sometimes from other members but even just writing the things down that we have been burying for years and thereby connecting to this community of recovery is very powerful.

As far as reading the posts here for chizzuk purposes, if you find that certain posts are triggering or not beneficial to you then they were not meant for you. Not every post is helpful to every member. I would suggest to start reading Dov's posts and continue to share your experiences here. For more chizzuk, stick with the winners here that are clean for at least 300 days and ask them for their personal experience, strength and hope. Recovery is a process and a journey so don't expect any quick fixes but if you keep coming back, trust in Hashem, share honestly, and humbly ask for help, you will almost definitely get the recovery and healing that you need.
Hatzlacha Rabba!
G4L

Re: forum efficacy 28 Nov 2018 05:44 #337551

  • cordnoy
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serenity wrote on 27 Nov 2018 20:14:
Hi Ely, Welcome! Maybe you should welcome me. I don't think I've posted in about a year. People are still sharing their "struggles" here! My first day here in 2015 Cordnoy (he still around?) asked me if I was ready to stop struggling!? I didn't know what he was talking about at the time. Now, when I hear "struggling" I see imagery of a guy in alligator pit wrestling that alligator down. My alligator got me every time. I say "get out of the pit!" Stop engaging the alligator people. That's what worked for me, sober one day at a time by the kindness of Hashem since 3/19/2015. 

​Everyone wants to learn how to wrestle the alligator. 

And by the way I wouldn't say people "fall". People dive.

No, he's not.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: forum efficacy 28 Nov 2018 12:53 #337559

  • Ely
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Dear Rav Kavod
I couldn't resist coming back, despite my skepticism about the forum
After all I knew i'd get replies so I wanted to read them
I hear your argument about a group struggle to purity and the joint koach being able to rise spiritually, if that's what you meant
kol tuv 
and thank you
Ely

Re: forum efficacy 28 Nov 2018 13:00 #337560

  • Ely
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Hi Reb Serenity
Despite the fact that I wrote skeptically and I meant it, I still feel a wish to say welcome back as you suggested
So many successful days and years
I'm jealous
It sounds like you turned the alligator into an ant
How did you do it?
kol tuv
Ely

Re: forum efficacy 28 Nov 2018 13:06 #337561

  • Ely
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Hi G4L
I appreciated your well argued letter
I am slow to learn new tricks with technology
I only know how to look at bad things on youtube and how to go incognito so the family won't see my sins
How to I get to the posts of the famous Dov?
thanks
Ely

Re: forum efficacy 28 Nov 2018 13:41 #337562

  • grateful4life
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Click here - Dov's Posts

Re: forum efficacy 28 Nov 2018 15:07 #337565

  • serenity
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The alligator is as ferocious as ever. Today, I choose not to get into the pit with it. What that looks like is different for each of us. For one thing, being that I'm a creature of habit, I had to look at patterns in my behaviors and routines that would lead me to lust. One day at a time I let go of those things. In some cases I had to let go of things that I thought were important to me. Going out on a Motzei Shabboss always lead me to acting out, so I stopped going out by myself on a Motzei Shabboss for any reason at all for about 6 months. Then for another 6 months I would only go out directly to go to a meeting and back without stopping anywhere. If my wife asked me to pick something up, I would tell her that I couldn't. Eventually going out on a Saturday night became a healthy pattern and today I'm free to go out for any reason, so long as I do the things to maintain a fit spiritual condition on a daily basis. 
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: forum efficacy 29 Nov 2018 19:53 #337609

  • serenity
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People talk about struggling. It's the big word these days. If you're struggling, you're not surrendered. (Harvey A. sober over 30 years in SA.)  
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: forum efficacy 06 Dec 2018 18:29 #337730

  • Ely
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that's so informative a great and necessary tool
look for patterns of behavior that happen over and over again and end in the same bad place
thanks for the good illustration of how it works
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