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My 12th step *see disclaimer
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TOPIC: My 12th step *see disclaimer 3195 Views

My 12th step *see disclaimer 01 Aug 2018 09:21 #334167

  • mikestrucking
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Hi the aa big book says somewhere that helping other addicts helps "when all other methods fail"
with that in mind I'm starting this thread it'll be my take on the steps 
*disclaimer* read at youryour own risk bearing in mind 1 I'm writiwriting this primarily to try to keep my hands out of my pants 2 I'm not sober as of when I'm writing this

enjoy 
btw I'm using the gye app which has some funny glirglitches so if you see funny double writing just laugh and thank God you're not an alcoholic
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
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Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 01 Aug 2018 09:40 #334168

  • mzl
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Good luck then.

What did you think of the other 11 steps?

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 01 Aug 2018 11:15 #334173

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II'll start with step 0 (from the "white book") there's a lot about step 0 written.
I'll focus for now on one aspect which I benefited greatly from. Before a person can start recovering he has to get rid of all "hidden bottles" -all triggering content under his control which he's holding onto for "a rainy day". 
I had (and still have) a million and one rationalizations why I really need all these things. However once I got rid of (almost) all of my bottles and felt the crushing need for my fix only then did I see how much I need recovery. What would happen if my craze tells me I need to do worse things than what I'm already doing? I need a better answer. I needed to see the strength of the craving and the insanity of my mind. 
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 01 Aug 2018 21:12 #334182

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rright now it's almost midnight here in Israel my wife's sleeping and I believe I now know the password to the computer.
which is what brings me to my next point.
I dont know exactly what goes on in aa but I don't think they have to take down people's numbers to help them stay sober. they don't get triggered like we do.
for me i can get triggered with my eyes closed. so i can never be fully rid of my bottles. that does bot absolve me of gettomg rid of what oI can- that's crucial. However o know I will certainly get triggered again and I'll be one fantasy away from being "drunk" that's why I need tools to use. that's part of my step 0. because "just not drinking" won't do it for me. I need to do positive actions as a part of stopping before the steps have a chance of working
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
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Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 01 Aug 2018 22:01 #334184

  • cordnoy
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mikestruggling wrote on 01 Aug 2018 21:12:
rright now it's almost midnight here in Israel my wife's sleeping and I believe I now know the password to the computer.
which is what brings me to my next point.
I dont know exactly what goes on in aa but I don't think they have to take down people's numbers to help them stay sober. they don't get triggered like we do.
for me i can get triggered with my eyes closed. so i can never be fully rid of my bottles. that does bot absolve me of gettomg rid of what oI can- that's crucial. However o know I will certainly get triggered again and I'll be one fantasy away from being "drunk" that's why I need tools to use. that's part of my step 0. because "just not drinking" won't do it for me. I need to do positive actions as a part of stopping before the steps have a chance of working

It's a balance between just stoppin' and actually doin' somethin'. I found that workin' the steps, especially step four (workin' on my defects and actually livin' life the way it was intended) was the crucial turnin' point for me. Was it a new positive attitude? Was it the feelin' good about myself? Was it the decrease in escapism? I don't really know, but it worked.

Godspeed toI you!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 05 Aug 2018 05:59 #334299

  • mikestrucking
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thisis obviouslynot working wonders for me I just went on a three day binge.
bbut I have to look forward the past I can't change I can only learn from it and I think I learned my lesson (who knew lessons were so expensive- not financially)
sstep 0 says when the temptation arises we stop and make a phone call or pray. which brings me to the next point, what does powerlessness mean?
when I am temptedtempted I can stop myself I have self control I stopped smoking. 
my problem is I get triggered which makes my brain forget how painful it is for me to act out. still I can get out of acting out using the tools I'm not excused because of my powerlessness ( as HHM reminds me often). my problem is that when I'm triggered I think that I really want/need to act out so why make a phone call that's really why I need total abstinence. which brings me to step 1
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
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Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 05 Aug 2018 06:15 #334300

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Sorry to hear.

Are you just readin' the book? Goin' to meetin's? Speak to anyone?

Godspeed
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 05 Aug 2018 06:16 #334301

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You probably have a different thread someplace. Sorry, I didn't see that now, but I did notice in your signature that you do have a sponsor. Have you spoken to him?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 05 Aug 2018 15:20 #334313

  • mikestrucking
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tTo be honest today I regressed somewhat in my acting out I actively looked for a specific person to act out with b4 I did it I called 3 people and shared I got on my knees and I wrote the only thing I didn't do was call my sponsor but I knew deep down that I had to BH it didn't work butI'm still in deep BWR
I haven't sspoken to my sponsponsor in a while my signature is outdated nothing worked for me yesterday I am mid-binge haven't called sponsor in a while
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
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Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 05 Aug 2018 20:14 #334326

  • mzl
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mikestruggling wrote on 05 Aug 2018 15:20:
tTo be honest today I regressed somewhat in my acting out I actively looked for a specific person to act out with b4 I did it I called 3 people and shared I got on my knees and I wrote the only thing I didn't do was call my sponsor but I knew deep down that I had to BH it didn't work butI'm still in deep BWR
I haven't sspoken to my sponsponsor in a while my signature is outdated nothing worked for me yesterday I am mid-binge haven't called sponsor in a while

Why don't you take a break and call him just to say hello and find out how he's doing.

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 06 Aug 2018 02:13 #334336

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Sorry to hear how tough its been. Posting is courageous. Stay connected. Post every day, call every day, lets shlep you out of this rut...
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 06 Aug 2018 05:14 #334352

  • mikestrucking
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tthanks HHM I know what i have to do- see a therapist. my psychiatrist said so and it's obvious however I hate asking my father for money especially bc he is a but tight now. I have to put my life first even if I have to finance it
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: My 12th step *see disclaimer 06 Aug 2018 05:26 #334353

  • mikestrucking
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tthanks HHM I know what i have to do- see a therapist. my psychiatrist said so and it's obvious however I hate asking my father for money especially bc he is a but tight now. I have to put my life first even if I have to finance it
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
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