So... I fell again today after 20 days of being clean. One of the things I'm doing to make sure it doesn't happen again is start this thread. BH, with the help of the guys here we'll pull each other across the finish line. Here goes for 90 days clean one day at a time (boy, that line sounds familiar!)

Hey jol 
There is no finish line - 90 is just a "siman to see if your addicted" or something like that. idk. 
The main thing is to focus and retain joy of life that should help.

You're %100 right. I meant that 90 days is a goal of mine which I would really like to accomplish. FYI the reason why they picked 90 days is stated on the 90 day chart and I quote :Take the leap of faith and start your 90 days challenge!It's not all or nothing. Just do your best and track your days. 

Scientific studies show it takes about 90 days to change the neuron pathways in the brain created by addictive behaviors. Members of the 12-Step groups are given a "red" recovery chip when they reach 90 days. We also find the idea of 90 in Chazal. The Halacha is, that if one is not sure if he said "v'sen tal u'matar", he must repeat the Shmoneh Esrei. However after 30 days, one no longer needs to repeat Shmoneh Esrei when in doubt, because we assume that his mind has already gotten used to saying it. 30 days is 90 Shmoneh Esreis! Chazal knew that it takes 90 times of doing something to get the mind used to it. The Hebrew letter “Tzadik” – which symbolizes a Tzadik who is pure, also equals 90 in Gematria.

Our sages have said: "There is a small organ in a man, if one feeds it - it is hungry, if one starves it - it is satiated". The most difficult days are in the beginning. It will gradually get better. 

Hitting the 90 day mark in of itself is nothing. Its the quality of my life which bh will get better and 90 is one of the means to improving my joy of life. Thanks for giving me your feedback - interaction with others that understand this issue is immensely helpful so thank you

growup wrote on 29 Jul 2018 14:00:

No, it is not a siman at all. It proves nothin' of the kind whether you get there or not.

one underrated benefit of the 90 day chart , is when guys try it for the first time it will usually  work to help them stay cleaner for  longer than they have in a long time , this opens up the reality to themselves that they are capable of changing , granted that the  first fall could really knock the wind out of your sails ,regardless that cleanstreak is there in the back of your head.

GOOD LUCK 

Definitely a good point about the 90 day chart. For me it kind of had the opposite effect in a way. Its easier to fool yourself into thinking that my problem isn't really a problem. I mean, how often do I act out anyways? Wait a second, on my chart it shows I fell every other day for months, never mind.
Bh, lately I've been doing a lot better though and the 90 days is definitely a motivating factor. Thanks for everyone's input it really makes a difference. I think the main reason why I got to day 20 (until I fell yesterday) was primarily because of everyone here on the forums. Thank you!

I knew this would happen i was gonna put in a spoiler to say "dont comment on what the 90 day thing is for -" i dont care that wasnt the point o the comment

You made it pretty clear that that wasn't the point. I was just pointing it out FYI. Thanks for the encouragement 

My wife became a nida a few days ago. Just thinking about it now I don't believe that I have made it clean through the entire nida even once which is pretty sad especially since there were a few times that I managed to go 40 days or 30 days at a time. Not sure why but something about nida and wanting to break the barrier or I don't know what is tough. Bh this time I'll make it since I feel like I'm in a much healthier place these days and I have gye here always willing to be there to help. To 90 days!

I need to restart my count again. I think the time has come for me to take recovery more seriously and join the phone conferences. Also I just realized I didn't do the taphsic method which would be a good idea to add to the toolbox. Hope to make it this time around

1. Learn from the fall. What made you fall? And repeat, repeat till you win this game.

Profit your fall to advance. Learn as much as you can from the circumstances now next time, you know where the bud guys are coming from, and do not hit you again at this stage.

I am repeating the same I saw in joinfortify.com, recommended from GYE.

B'H

Thank you for the advice. Its interesting that I know the real reason why I'm falling. I just need the push to deal with it. It seems like we know what to do just fail to do so. Thank you for giving me a push to do what I know I need to do

JoyOfLife wrote on 03 Aug 2018 08:44:

And what do you think is the real reason?

The underlying reason is a lack of happiness. I realized I didn't write the last post correctly though. I meant that I know what I need to do to stop myself from falling. I need to use the taphsic method (which incidentally I did today bh), as well as start having a more serious social interaction with others starting with joining the phone conferences and if I need to do so actually go to meetings which I am deathly embarrassed to go to but if I need to I will (talk about a run on sentence). Obviously I also need to deal with the underlying issue but that is long term. I know what I need to do right now to help myself and get on the road to recovery while slowly getting better

JoyOfLife wrote on 03 Aug 2018 11:55:

I submit to you that the true underlying reason is the thing inside your head that cause you the deathly embarrassment. And you feed it every day by avoiding it. So if you want to get a jump on your recovery get yourself some deathly embarassment.

It's actually a tremendous kick to watch it vanish into thin air.