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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Starting again 13372 Views

Re: Starting again 24 Jul 2018 00:08 #333790

MottehPoisansky Current streak: 5 days OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 54 Karma: 6	Why do you want to stop?

Re: Starting again 24 Jul 2018 21:32 #333839

ManWhoStumbles Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 56 Karma: 0	Day 5: I think people misunderstood my last post because I didn't watch p yesterday. I played online games which is my secondary goal. I have made/am trying to make substantial changes in my life which don't involve shutting off my access to internet. 12 steps and praying to G-d will hopefully help. I made a mistake revisiting this feed today..

Re: Starting again 25 Jul 2018 08:50 #333866

joyoflife Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 73 Karma: 4	Hey, don't take it too hard - the guys here are really on your side and want to see you succeed myself included. I think most people are trying to give advice based on their experience with breaking through addiction. Obviously everyone is different and you need to do what works for you. Keep the streak strong!

Re: Starting again 25 Jul 2018 21:39 #333903

ManWhoStumbles Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 56 Karma: 0	Day 6: Felt sick this morning so I skipped minyan. I thought back on what you guys were saying, and the primary reason why I want to stop is for religious purposes, and I am afraid of p messing with my brain. I think I can last today, but I am not sure about tomorrow.

Re: Starting again 25 Jul 2018 22:01 #333906

mzl Current streak: 28 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 996	ManWhoStumbles wrote on 25 Jul 2018 21:39: Day 6: Felt sick this morning so I skipped minyan. I thought back on what you guys were saying, and the primary reason why I want to stop is for religious purposes, and I am afraid of p messing with my brain. I think I can last today, but I am not sure about tomorrow. Ok. How does masturbating make your religious experience worse? Like, day to day?
	This works for me: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/336801-the-poof-method I moved to a blog: https://wordpress.com/post/mzl0.home.blog/11

Re: Starting again 27 Jul 2018 23:34 #334019

ManWhoStumbles
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Went in too free fall the last two days, after a week clean. I meant to post something but it didn't go through. It is impossible for me to filter my internet since I live with my family and there several chromebooks lying around. I am not sure what to do at this point.
Here is a list of reasons I don't want to watch porn and mzl: ( some are repetitious)
1) I don't want to be punished as severely in Gehinom.
2) I don't want my family to be punished or ancestors for my sins.
3) Porn is degrading to woman.
4) I want to have control over my temptations, and be better than an animal
5)I have female relatives, and it disgusts me what I am doing.
6) After I watch porn, I have trouble looking people in the eye since I feel ashamed.
7) After watching porn, I can't concentrate on work.
8) Porn and mzl makes me feel terrible.
9) I get angry at myself after porn and mzl.
10) I feel like a hypocrite when being Chazan in shul or getting Aliyah.
11) By watching a porn video, I am funding more porn sites, since the ads pay pornsites per viewer.
12) I am feeding an addiction with porn and mzl.
13) I sometimes binge eat after watching porn and mzl.
14) Porn and mzl are big wastes of time.
15) I waste time trying to fight porn and mzl by going on gye, when I could learn torah or other Mitzvot.
16) I am stealing my body from hashem when I do MZL.
17) I fear that G-d will punish me in this world for porn and MZL.
18) I am social recluse, and I think porn has to do with it.

Re: Starting again 27 Jul 2018 23:51 #334020

ManWhoStumbles
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Right now I am doing something I found on wikihow because I don't know what else to solve this addiction.
Here are some positive things in my life that will happen if I don't watch porn or mzl.
1) I will feel proud of myself for quitting.
2) I will be on the wall of honor on gye.
3) I will be able to feel superior to an animal.
4) I can move on to other issues in my life.
5) Pleasure will no longer be on demand; it will be earned. This might lead to me being a more diligent worker.
6)More time for Torah.
To be continued since Shabbos is coming...............................

Re: Starting again 28 Jul 2018 21:03 #334021

joyoflife
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I think you are definitely headed in the right direction. Just a thought that came to mind when reading what you wrote. Why not try speaking to those who already beat this thing and see what they have to say? Obviously whatever they did actually worked so its worth a shot. Its similar to what the meslias yesharim writes that if a person wants to get to a certain goal then he should speak to those who are above the maze meaning they already got to the goal. What worked for them might not work for you but its a solid hishtadlus to get out of this mess. I can't really help you since I'm still stuck in the maze myself looking for a way out...

Hashem should see your sincere efforts and give you the siyata dishmaya to help you overcome your struggles and become a better person from it.

Last Edit: 28 Jul 2018 21:05 by joyoflife.

Re: Starting again 29 Jul 2018 03:15 #334029

mzl
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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 27 Jul 2018 23:51:

Ok. You hit it out of the park.

Now you sound motivated. Now you need a plan to deal with your urges, because when you have an urge you may quickly forget about the list.

Have you read about some methods that you like? For example, can you call people on the phone?

Also: any methods that are absolutely out of your reach? You sound like in-person meetings are out of your reach.

Perhaps for the internet filtering problem you could buy a network appliance that plugs between your wifi access point and your internet router. This is how companies filter internet, they don't install filtering software on every machine. This solution could work well for you because you have a lot of machines at home.

This works for me: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/336801-the-poof-method

I moved to a blog: https://wordpress.com/post/mzl0.home.blog/11

Last Edit: 29 Jul 2018 03:16 by mzl.

Re: Starting again 29 Jul 2018 03:35 #334030

mzl Current streak: 28 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 996	I found one such appliance, it's called CyberSitter Black. It's about $150. https://black.27labs.com/faq/
	This works for me: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/336801-the-poof-method I moved to a blog: https://wordpress.com/post/mzl0.home.blog/11

Re: Starting again 29 Jul 2018 03:51 #334032

lionking OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 954 Karma: 101	There are alot of network appliances available that provide filtering. You can also look into opendns, for router based filtering. When set up properly, it can work ok. Mobicip does filter chromebooks. Hatzlocha Rabba!
	My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: Starting again 31 Jul 2018 02:30 #334118

ManWhoStumbles
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Reasons not to play online games:
1)Battle Royale games are inherently evil, since they call for every-man for himself.
2) Online games are often violent, and violence shouldn't be celebrated in the form of interactive art such as games, but rather commemorated and mourned over.
3) It is bitul Torah.
4) It is unhealthy to sit and play games, which damages the body and mind G-d has given me.
5)Games desensitize me towards violence.
6) Games take away time from work.
7) Playing an online game with other people is wasting their time and I could apply some of the other reasons for them as well
8) I feel guilty after playing online games.

Re: Starting again 31 Jul 2018 02:56 #334120

mzl
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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 31 Jul 2018 02:30:

If you truly feel this bad about some games you are way out of my league. I'm content with not thinking about sex. I suppose you are right about the bitul Torah.

This works for me: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/336801-the-poof-method

I moved to a blog: https://wordpress.com/post/mzl0.home.blog/11

Re: Starting again 31 Jul 2018 04:12 #334122

grateful4life
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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 27 Jul 2018 23:34:

Went in too free fall the last two days, after a week clean. I meant to post something but it didn't go through. It is impossible for me to filter my internet since I live with my family and there several chromebooks lying around. I am not sure what to do at this point.
Here is a list of reasons I don't want to watch porn and mzl: ( some are repetitious)
1) I don't want to be punished as severely in Gehinom. - FEAR/GUILT
2) I don't want my family to be punished or ancestors for my sins. - FEAR/GUILT
3) Porn is degrading to woman. - GUILT
4) I want to have control over my temptations, and be better than an animal - GUILT
5)I have female relatives, and it disgusts me what I am doing. - GUILT
6) After I watch porn, I have trouble looking people in the eye since I feel ashamed. - GUILT
7) After watching porn, I can't concentrate on work. - This is a healthy focus. You can't live life if you can't concentrate.
8) Porn and mzl makes me feel terrible. - "terrible" sounds like GUILT. Feeling "miserable" would be a healthy motivator.
9) I get angry at myself after porn and mzl. - GUILT
10) I feel like a hypocrite when being Chazan in shul or getting Aliyah. - GUILT
11) By watching a porn video, I am funding more porn sites, since the ads pay pornsites per viewer. - GUILT
12) I am feeding an addiction with porn and mzl. - GUILT
13) I sometimes binge eat after watching porn and mzl. - Healthy motivator. It affects quality of life.
14) Porn and mzl are big wastes of time. - not sure if this a healthy quality of life issue or if this stems from your GUILT.
15) I waste time trying to fight porn and mzl by going on gye, when I could learn torah or other Mitzvot. - sounds like GUILT
16) I am stealing my body from hashem when I do MZL. - GUILT
17) I fear that G-d will punish me in this world for porn and MZL. - FEAR/GUILT
18) I am social recluse, and I think porn has to do with it. - Healthy motivator. It affects your quality of life.

Hi ManWhoStumbles,

I am truly sorry for your pain and struggles and I commend you for reaching out for help.
What I've learned from the 12 step program and what has kept me sober for almost 2 years is that I could not get any recovery from this struggle/addiction/obsession until I removed 2 words from my thoughts - FEAR and GUILT. This obsession feeds itself on those feelings and the 12 steps teaches that one will never overcome his addiction and live a healthy life until a mindful shift is made, one where FEAR and GUILT don't come into play. Our addiction that we struggled with so badly is a disease. We are not bad people trying to become good, we are SICK people trying to become WELL.
The vast majority of what you wrote illustrates the exact problem with your recovery path. It's full of FEAR and GUILT as I've indicated above.
In order to recover I needed to focus on working a program for the sole reason that acting out and running after lust simply made my life miserable and unmanageable. I wanted to be able to live and being a slave to my lust obsession was not living. That's it.
If your life has become unmanageable because of your lust obsession I welcome the opportunity to discuss with you a plan for recovery that will set you free.

Feel free to reach out and may Hashem give you the courage and strength to take the necessary path towards true recovery. May you soon be able to proudly change your name to "ManWhoStumbled".

G4L

Re: Starting again 31 Jul 2018 04:33 #334123

grateful4life
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ManWhoStumbles wrote on 31 Jul 2018 02:30:

Here again your main focus on not wanting to continue doing this behavior is mainly to avoid feeling guilty. If you can redirect your focus solely on improving your quality of life, it will allow you to recover.

All lust addicts use lust as a form of escape from facing life. Some find that recovery from lust is not enough because they have other serious compulsive behaviors that they drown themselves in for the purpose of escaping life, like playing games for hours on end. If you find that your life is unmanageable as a result of your compulsiveness to playing games or other compulsive "time wasters" then I urge you to look into UA - www.underearnersanonymous.org - it's for addicts that are wasting way too much time (through various time wasters) and not living up to their potential but yet they cannot stop.

Wishing you much Hatzlacha in all areas of your life.