Markz wrote on 31 Jul 2018 13:15:

I think Rav Miller is 100% right that one should not be open hearted with his spouse (or anybody) for the simple reason that honesty doesn't exist as commonly understood. This concept works for everyone, whether you are an addict, bipolar, depressed, anxious, schizophrenic or whether you are convinced that you are normal.

I think the thing that Dov is referring to in that post is that Torah in general is just another shovel to dig with for someone who's completely deluded that he has no choice but to act out. So if you find vort X you'll spin it, color it, magnify it, minimize it, disqualify it, etc until it's what you need it to be.

Reminds of famous vort בראתי יצר הרע בראתי תורה תבלין - question why does it say תבלין meaning spice it should say something along the line of remedy...
The answer i think satmar rav - is that when a person has a yetzer hara he will use event he torah to "spice" it up. 
just to quote rabbi miller for those that didnt read the full post from before - its more nogaya now

Certainly everything should  be mesudar; everything should be neat. But the question is where is it in the list of virtues? So along came some goy with a new Torah that cleanliness is next to you know what. And the Jews swallow this bait and they repeat the same thing. You know people who say "Cleanliness is next to G-dliness" are the people who hold that G-dliness is meaningless. It's a hundred percent rule

I didn't know that vort. It's interesting.

octal day 066

This morning I got up extra early because it's been hectic and I miss having time in the morning before shul when I reflect. It feels good to sit and think in the dark when the house is quiet.

I had written a small book. It's not finished because when I last worked on it I did not know how to keep from getting depressed. I am mildly bipolar. Now I do so I think I could finish it.

I wonder if anybody would read it. Publishing is not a problem but there are millions of books now. But then people have to find it.

I also wonder whether it would be understandable to readers. It's very brief and to the point. It makes statements which are certainly true but that most people would reject at first. It doesn't spend enough effort shmoozing the reader, anticipating readers' objections and addressing them. Like some of my posts. And that's because of my bipolar issue: I cannot see just how distant some of my knowledge is from the average person's.

I think if you write a book and you really want it to be successful you have to get out there and present it to people.

I am very concerned about the state of yiddishkeit in today's internet world. Very concerned about my kids. One thing that motivated me to write a book was to have something to give to my kids to protect them from sexual compulsion as they grow up.

I think that for a while people tried to view the internet as something that could be avoided entirely. But my reading of the asifa that took place several years ago is that that was a public way of saying that the internet was something every observant family had to accept and therefore filter. And there was an unstated idea that filtering would leave a lot to be desired. So it was an admission of defeat and a rolling up of sleeves. Like the war on drugs.

We need to have something to tell kids about sex and the internet. I think that we try not to talk about it, and that sets them up for failure. My mother told me about drugs and made me afraid of them. I think that was a good idea. I don't even know if I am allowed to talk to my growing son about pornography. I think he needs to recognize it when he sees it. I think in today's world it's only a matter of time till he sees it. And there's a lot of soft pornography too which is everywhere, like ads. I would like to tell him that that is not how real women are, etc.

I was thinking that the yetzer hara of pornography is qualitatively different than the yetzer to say loshon hara. It's good to compare and contrast them because the yetzer hara for loshon hara was only addressed thoroughly in recent times, namely by the Chofetz Chaim zt"l.

They are similar in the sense that they are tough and require constant reflection or action. They are qualitatively different in that the essence of the yetzer of the addict is I-can't-resist-because-I-like-it-a-lot-and-this-indicates-I-don't-desire-yiddishkeit-therefore-I-am-to-be-shunned. It's a desire that directly attacks and undermines our desire to be frum people. Yiddishkeit and p*** are two completely inconsistent things.

In a way it's good news because it means Hashem thinks we are ready to face the question of why we want to be Jews. Can we do better than "nice people are Jewish?"

I put my email in my signature because I see that most people are not comfortable posting on the site. Since I came here to connect with other addicts I think I have to force myself to have private communications. And to check my email ...

Does anybody know whether there is a mitzvah d'oraisa to make a fence for yourself if you are pathologically weak in some area?

I know the Mesillas Yesharim lists various sources regarding sexual desire, but I don't know whether those are listed among the 613.

For example, does a nazirite have a mitzvah d'oraisa to become a nazir?

mzl wrote on 01 Aug 2018 22:49:


Does it really matter whether it's d'oraisa or simply common sense?

I place a cover over my slow cooker switch for Shabbos, so that I won't inadvertantly use the switch. I don't see that it matters whether that practice has a Biblical source, as long as it helps prevent me from transgressing the mitzvos.

Dovid824 wrote on 01 Aug 2018 23:42:

I for one don't hold that the Torah and common sense are equal.

Just read G4L's intro. He actually sounds like he is clean and happy and totally not a more valuable person because of it. Tip of the hat to G4L.

Day 55