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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

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The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

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Welcome, Guest
A recent scientific study shows that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong! See www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart.
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TOPIC: Reset 1572 Views

Re: Reset 18 Oct 2018 06:29 #336367

  • Realestatemogul
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Wow, this is amazing and truly inspiring. 

Genuine posts like yours that acknowledge the struggle and how you are triumphing are the best.

Im at Day 66 and this is a great reminder of what were pursuing.

Hatzlacha and keep us posted as much as possible!

Re: Reset 15 Nov 2018 16:47 #337280

  • brlife101
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I was at 60+ days clean and had a fall this morning (P+M, no release). The issue is my laptop (has K9, but K9 is not foolproof), my phone is heavily restricted but more importantly it’s dumbed down. At this point I want to get rid of my laptop and not keep it in the house, but my wife and kids use it. I am definitely prepared to make that change or work with my spouse to find something that works for her to have access to a computer at home but also works for me. It’s just going to be hard to speak to her about it but she has been truly an amazing partner through this. I know I want to do the right things for a long term clean sustainable life and I know I want to grow as an eved hashem. On this round  I made some amends in my life, started going to minyanim consistently, learning Torah, going to shiurim, and deleted movie and TV apps from my phone. I was also open and honest with my wife and she has been supportive. This is just a tough low, I feel a lot of shame and it’s hard to be hopeful and say all this without feeling like I’m being judged. I want to move on from this fall make the necessary adjustments and continue connecting with friends who know exactly what I’m going through and have been able to stay clean. 

Re: Reset 29 Nov 2018 12:52 #337604

  • brlife101
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14 days clean today Bh. today is a good day! 

Re: Reset 16 Dec 2018 12:50 #337842

  • brlife101
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30 days clean Bh! Eliminating shows and movies has made a huge impact and diminished that constant feeling in back of my head that a fall is right around the corner. so much to continue working on of course but so much to be thankful for! Hodu lahashem ki Tov

Re: Reset 25 Dec 2018 19:43 #338024

  • brlife101
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Was 40 days clean but fell this morning to lust. Trying to focus on making amends and moving forward, not dwelling on shame and guilt. I know deep down I am a good guy and only want to do the right thing in life. The lust attacks can be very sharp and hard to shake off. Hoping some changes in internet restrictions (essentially complete lock out unless spouse unlocks for half hour interval if need to use it at home) will help. Will try to post more regularly and connect with others on GYE to be michazek and stay strong...here’s to day One of, with hashem’s help, many more clean days on this challenging journey

Re: Reset 27 Dec 2018 18:20 #338066

  • brlife101
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Bh 2 days clean. I am in a good place and this fall is different than others because I know I took on a lot gedarim and positive changes in my life and I am proud of myself for that despite the fall. A few months ago I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror without thinking that I am a piece of___ (You can fill in the blank...). In the past few months I was 50 days clean, fell, than was 40 days clean, and then fell. I’m not proud of the falls, but I do feel the impact of the work and gedarim I’ve put in place. 

I learned a lot from this fall and took on much more rigid restrictions for internet use. Will share more on that soon, but basically my access to internet on a home computer is completely locked out by K9 unless my wife unlocks it. And my phone is, at least from my perspective, as kosher as an iPhone can be (no internet browser, only clean apps with no backdoor to internet broswer, and no ability to download new apps). It was not easy to accept that I needed to 100% block internet, but deep down I know that any form of unrestricted and unfiltered internet is toxic to a person like me. And I know in the past I’ve never given it my 100% effort and put everything to the side to completely lock internet and prioritize access to a clean shmirat habrit lifestyle, even though it definitely crossed my mind on many occasions and after many falls.

And i have begun to accept myself more for who i am. not justify my actions and inclinations, but recognize them as part of me and play defense accordingly. I now accept the fact that my desire for internet lust is part of me whether I like it or not and it will never just poof disappear no matter how many days clean I am. Whether 2 or 2,000 days clean is irrelevant, a fall can happen any day to a person like me if I have access to unrestricted and unfiltered internet, especially in yichud. And any thoughts that I can beat that inclination and continue to use unrestricted and unfiltered internet by being some arbitrary number of days clean is just me fooling myself. 

Anyways, here’s to a clean day 2 of Be”h many more days. If anyone else has took on this degree of internet restriction and has anything to share please feel free to reach out. This is new territory for me...

Re: Reset 30 Dec 2018 06:54 #338095

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You seem to be doing a great job and thus are getting amazing results.
You should know triggers will come, but you can get by them. I speak as someone who literally thought that they had to just let triggers go ahead or else I couldn't move on with my day. Now, I usually (emphasize on usually, not always) feel like machine gunning down the yetzer hara when he tries some of his old tricks - it really is some cheap junk he's selling. It's a matter of patience and recognizing that strength (just like weight training) comes only thru continued work. At first, it's a big boxer attacking us and we try to defend ourselves with a cheap water pistol. But as we get thru challenges, we improve our ability to withstand. 
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