Gonna keep my posts short and hopefully consistent. I will try to find others to follow as well as I do believe we fight this fight better together. I have done these intro posts many times and have fought this battle many times as I'm sure many of you have too. I will once again be starting a 90 day journey. After so many falls recently I can be honest enough with myself to know I have stopped trying and I'm here to get back in the ring. G-d Bless and be back soon.

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha.

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here. Fighting lust is one way and letting go of it is another. May you be the man God intended you to be friend. 

Welcome brother fighter! Have tons of hatzlacha and remember that each day is a new fight. After each fight you win-you become stronger.
The enemy's using cheapshots, so be ready. Use the tools on GYE and stay focused!

Ftndrug wrote on 22 Nov 2017 00:10:

APB for Trouble.

cordnoy wrote on 22 Nov 2017 00:47:

Trouble was da guy who ripped the guy who was fightin' with the other guy and then doin' the guy thing for another round, and this guy is also a fightin' type of guy with a winnin' type of guy attitude as long as he's fightin' a new fight. Trouble would get a kick out of this guy.

Hey y'all. So first fall today since I started my journey this time around. I'll keep myany running thoughts to a few bullet points, writing here is good not just as a way to connect but for myself to formulate my thoughts. If anyone is similarly fighting on the 90 for a second or third time like me after giving up for a while please pm me, would love to have a partner who experiencing this ,( thought I know everyone here is experiencing this fight on different levels)

1. I know what caused it. Whenever I'm alone in the house for long enough so I need to put in steps to prevent this from happening which are the following, for the next 2 weeks then I will re- evaluate

A. Thankfully it's rare that im home alone and when I am it's only in the morning so I commit to daven shachris every morning, with a minyan if possible

B. To leave my house if I am having an urge while I am alone

C. Make a neder that whatever material I use to have a fall I will not touch

I'll keep it there for now and will make it official by the end of the day so i can review comments about them.

2. Being that this fall is is the first in a while that ive had while actively fighting my addiction, I feel it more painfuly then my previous falls that sort of didn't impact me too much, though I still feel too desensitized from it and am struggling to feel real regret over it. I will try my best to meditate on what happened, not to make myself depressed but as a way of understanding and feeling what I did so that I can better make real teshuva.

That's it for now, back to the big fighr. Hope to update tomorrow when I'm back on the chart!

Maybe also add       D. Call a GYE partner

Sorry to hear about the fall. Yes, it is painful. However it is a good sign thar you arent throwing in the towel and acting out numerous times. Get up, shake off the dirt, and back to work!

Welcome back,

Quick update, been almost on a week long streak, feeling good about that . That first fall caused me to make the boundaries I needed. I have been here enough times in my recovery process not to think this means I'll never have a fall but , as many speak about here, I'm taking a day at a time and trying to look at everything as part of a longer recovery process that will have it's challenges. Would love to hear people's thoughts and others who feel there at this stage in there recovery as well. Keep up the fight y'all.

Super. Keep on going. What really helped for me at that stage was having who to be accountable to. Having someone hold my hand helped me stop escaping. Face it, we all act out in private - a lonely matzav. Once someone else is brought in things change b'ezras Hashem.

Another quick update for the sake of consistency. BH I'm just over a week into my current stretch. From experience I know the road ahead won't get easier but as I mentioned last time I agree with the taking it one day at a time way of thinking that is discussed a lot here. Been sticking to the rules I laid down for myself which have made all the difference. Interestingly I can find my addiction showing itself in other areas of my life so I'm trying my best to be aware and be careful.
keep up the fight everybody!

I will continue to try to post regularly as I know how important consistency is in this struggle. Today I am 14 day clean, and as I said earlier I am happy for there "small" victories and am not banking on this to mean I am likely to finish my 90 day. As i always say, I am taking it one day at a time and trying my best and won't let wether or not I make 90 days the way i measure my success. I am careful about this point because of my previous attempts at hitting 90 days and knowing that it doesn't simply get easier as you get closer. Today was my hardest struggle yet, as I found myself actively trying to fall put BH due to boundaries I set in place ( using the taphsic method) and my own schedule, I was able to overcome. Tonight ends the boundaries I set for myself ( I told myself I had 2 weeks with the boundaries I made so as to make them realistic and not too much for me) and of it was up to me this second, I wouldn't reset them just because of the urges I'm feeling so the next few days are going to be a struggle and I hope I will be in the right frame of mind to put on new boundaries once the time for these are up. This is one of the walls I knew I'd hit and I hope and will try to get through it. I hope my next post is about my getting through this wall and if not I will continue my struggle and be happy knowing I'm stonger than before.

Fight the good fight and have a strong week everybody.

You are very right about this; you can't think now about day 90, it can make you think 'oh I'm so far' but each day is not so long so it definitely easier to win.
Maybe try to find something that can help you calm down list attacks (for me it's reading and/or posting here on gye, it makes me look on lust as on a stupid child that tries to get me in trouble)

Keep fighting! I'm looking forward for your success!

Well, though unfortunately I have to report a fall I am happy with the progress I made so far, hitting the two week mark. I'm going to spend some time thinking up a new plan of action so that I can fight smarter next time and reflect on what happened, not putting myself down way but a introspection way so that I can make myself better. I am still steadily on my way towards recovery and tmrw will be back on may 90 days journey.
fight the good fight everybody.