Great thread. Subscribed. Please keep these insightful posts coming. As a chosson and very nervous of hearing about how marriage can sometimes make things more difficult (especially after a baby, understandably) it would be great to hear more so that I can go in with all the tools possible to be ready for the fight.

And mazel Tov! 

Hi Mr. Hakol Hevel. I just binge read your entire thread. All 18 pages. It's been an intriguing read, coloring your journey over 3+ years. I followed your internal debate regarding whether or not you consider yourself an addict. Deciding if the 12 step program and SA is what you really need to commit to. 

So here we are, April 18 of 2021. My dear friend, where do you currently stand in regards to what steps you need to take to set yourself up for success in kicking this way of life to the curb?

Looking forward to hearing from youReachstars, a recently surrendered addict.

I've recently joined SA and started going to in-person meetings. I've been struggling my entire life, but never considered myself an addict. that changed when I looked in the mirror and honestly answered these questions :

• Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking and behavior?
• That you would be better off if you didn't keep "giving in"?
• That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
• Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
• Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
• Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depression afterward?
• Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
• Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
• Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
• Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
• Do you keep going from one relationship or lover to another?
• Do you feel that the right relationship would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
• Do you have a destructive need — a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
• Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
• Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
• Do you lose time from work for it?
• Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
• Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
• Although your spouse is sexually compatible. do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
• Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?

Unfortunately for me, too many of these were yes for me. And my life had become unmanageable. When I say I surrendered, I mean that I recognized that I cannot do this alone. And I need the help that SA has to offer. I need to get out of the isolation in which my addiction thrives. I am new to this, and it's very scary and uncomfortable. Hopefully IYH out of this change in direction, I can recover and become a better person, one who can cope with all the difficulties that life throws at us, without succumbing to the comfort of my lust. Hatzlacha on your journey, whichever route is best to lead you to happiness. I wish you all the best.

Welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

I have come to realize, that the most important thing in my life,(at least in my cosncious mind) is sex (including sex with self a.k.a. masturbation).

No wonder I find G-d, my wife, kids, life getting in the way of the just precious thing to me in life. 

That's all for today.

BH still clean.

How do I learn more about the 'Dov's Desperados'? You said he's starting a new cycle soon.

I've heard Dov mention the group in a few of his recorded talks (which I think are 5 or so years old at this point, although new to me), but I didn't realize he still did them.

I'm in SA, so not sure if it's even relevant to me, if it's geared towards non-addicts? Religious stuff or mussar can't and won't keep me sober.

If anyone has more info on this, I'm interested. Please respond or PM me, thank you.

Hakolhevel wrote on 19 May 2021 14:28:

I have come to realize, that the most important thing in my life,(at least in my cosncious mind) is sex (including sex with self a.k.a. masturbation).
just curious, do you have that attitude even after a fall?i know by me ,after a fall , i despise sex,if thats the case by you too, then it cant be that the most important thing in the world in your life is sex...