thanks. 

i'm new here.

i guess pleasure seeking is a major drive- certainly for me.

so finding pleasure in -like you said- being comfortable is great.

but i find i need more than that.

part of my ADHD, need high stimulation.

but i try to find it in family, learning, & other good stuff.

I've been srtuggling for about 44 years- when life would get tougher, i'd fall more.

now, baruch Hashem- 8 days clean, one day at a time, very hopeful that i'll manage 90- it feels within my ability- bezras Hashem.

THen ny 13 year old son came and asked me for help- wha an unbeleivable chizuk! so far it's going well for both of us.

here's a thought:

Tisha Be’Av usually gets me down.

But I realised-

This means that Hashem,

(who runs things)

(and controls everything)

Has not given up on me,

And Has a plan to get me to where I need to be.

Despite my numerous and (sometimes feels like) insuperable shortcomings

Hashem considers my life to be meaningful right now, and totally fixable. (that’s why he keeps me around).

I know I can’t fix it alone.

I know that He can.

I give my life over to him.

cmh wrote on 01 Aug 2017 04:29:

The fact your son came over to you in that way says good things about your relationship. 

Have much Nachas! and KOT

cmh wrote on 01 Aug 2017 04:29:

I actually suggested the exact opposite! That being comfortable isn't so pleasureable. Sitting on a couch is comfortable, but is that pleasure?

Real pleasure comes from engaging in life, like you write about finding pleasure in learning, family etc. 

Anyways, thought I'd just clarify what I meant.

Hatzlacha rabba!

Day 13: The daily recovery actions that I'm taking, such as writing on the forum and reading the chizuk emails do only one thing for me. They remind to live. They remind me that if i disengage from life it won't be long before I'll lose my sobriety. Lusting for me isn't a choice. It's a consequence. A consequence of not being engaged in the life G-d has given me. 

Welcome CMH  Hashem should give you hatzlocha here. Its great that your son turned to you. What did you advise him?

Day 14: I'm tired. We humans are quite delicate. Without proper sleep it's hard to function. Maybe Hashem made us like this so we wouldn't grow arrogant. Indeed, it's hard to think you're so strong when a couple nights of little sleep turn you into a zombie. 

Lesson: Go to bed! But,... Go to bed, darn it!  

P.S I think it's important to be aware of your physical and mental state. Sometimes you can be tired and not be fully aware of it. Then you feel funny/extra triggered and you wonder, what the heck is going on? 

If you realize you are tired, you can remind yourself not to take your thoughts and feelings too seriously while in this state of tiredness. Then, be extra careful, and reach out for help if you need it! 

Ihavestrength wrote on 02 Aug 2017 20:49:

Day 14? 2 weeks! what an inspiration !!!! 2 weeks is a lot, 14 times TODAY !!! wowowowowo, keep on doing what you are doing, im waiting daily for your post.. Thank You!

He called me to pick him up in the car, he wanted to speak to me.
he was very upset- he'd fallen.
it took him a while, and lots of encouragement, and he eventually was able to say what had happened- hoz"l.
through the whole conversatio- even b4 he'd said what it was, I had given him messages tha loads of people fall, just gotta geddup & carry on- the yeser hora wants your soul, not the avera, 
anyway, it was a good shmues.

a few days later I initiated a conversation- he accepted the invitation. We talked about chizuk etc, I encouraged him to take a definite step- like something he would do b4 he fell. he said OK

I realised that the nrg was coming from me- and I realised that it must come from him. even if it takes longer, he has to do his own journey. he has to be the one talking.he has to bring me in, or wwhoever else will help him.

So I said- from now on, you come to me when you want to talk.

I'd be interested in feedback- should I offer him some accountability? make fixed times to talk?

I know that I'm the father, on site. No-one else can pasken this. but perspectives from other people with more & different xperieces might really help me.
Thanks.

Cmh - I'm not really sure what happened. Your son told you he fell?

I have experience including my father in my recovery. You can email me at iam24zman@gmail.com

Day 15: I called into a 12 step phone conference today. I'm thinking very seriously seriously about getting a sponsor and doing the steps. Feeling a bit overwhelmed. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 03 Aug 2017 15:26:

Wow, that's a development. What are your motivations for considering that?

cmh wrote on 03 Aug 2017 04:55:

It is really wonderful that your son felt comfortable telling you. Probably it would be wise to hook him up with a rebbi who is trained in dealing with this. Remember, he is young and just starting. He can be helped out of this before it becomes deeply ingrained. He can be spared years of agmas nefesh. In almost every yeshiva there is either a rebbi or social worker trained in this. Big experts in the field are rabbi efraim Glassman in Brooklyn and rabbi Tennenbaum in Chicago (among many others)

sounds like you're feeling like you need help, and thinking about taking steps to get it and grow. GOOD FOR  YOU!!!
Sounds like you're not letting the overwhelmedness win!!

May you feel Hashems love & help!

Day 16:

@shlomo24 I don't know right now, I'm a bit confused. Hopefully my head will be clearer in a week. Sorry. 

Hey priest, I watched a TV show yesterday hoping to see something inappropriate. 

Priest: Did you?

Me: Well, I saw pretty women, but unfortunately none were really naked. 

Hey priest, I fantasized a bit last night. 

Priest: About what?

Me: The aforementioned women in the TV show. 

Priest: Seriously?! 

Me: Ya I know, pretty lame right?

Priest: Uh, Yea...

Focusing on these problems of mine makes me crazy. I find even reading the chizuk emails is becoming toxic for me. 

God willing the answers will come to you. Just keep at it one day at a time. That's my experience. I still have so many questions. But I also got so many answers.