Day 20... Today was a good day of winning. Even though my job was "bad" today, I reminded myself (because of these forums) to be aware of my feelings & not let negative things push me to act out. Bh all is well. 

I was watching a tv show. Something triggering came up and I kinda looked down & away. But the thought popped onto my head:

"I'm gonna have to stop watching tv & movies"

It's going to happen, I just don't feel ready yet.

This is really good stuff BB.
That look down and away was real recovery! You should be able to take that everywhere you go until it becomes your default action.
Its the one thing that is connecting all my days of recovery.. Hard or easy days, no matter what im going through right now... the avodah is looking down and away, whether its the screen or the bus stop or whereever..
Well, I kinda looked down and away, but only partially. It's still progress though. Way back in the day, probably more than 10 years ago I was in that place. My instinct was to look away instead if looking towards. when I was walking down the street, etc.. Good times, and I'll be back there iyH
Dont run to turn more things off though... Be more careful with WHAT you are streaming,,, there are many ways to know if something has scenes in it you shouldnt watch. Not saying forever... but for now... adding chumras isnt going to make the core recovery easier... and its the looking down and away thats the real recovery.

I'm going to eventually start that, but I'm not sure when. Many years ago, before I got married & I was clean for a year or two, that was the whole reason. I stopped watching all tv/movies. It was then that I realized how everything is sexualized, whether there are scenes or not. It's one of the reasons  tune in, whether we realize it or not. If they want to market a movie towards "families" instead of older teens and adults, they drop certain scenes, but try to  push the limits. PG-13 movies allow for nudity, I once saw a movie with a 5 second? scene, which really surprised me, I had to double check that it wasn't rated R. To get back on track, I truly believe that it's only a chumra to stop watching kosher movies, but 99.9% of the movies out there are not kosher. Anything rated G and up, if it's not a cartoon, there's a good chance there's something sexual in there.

bb0212 wrote on 16 Feb 2017 05:12:

I remember the day I outed them all.

It was mitzei Yom Kippur. And I asked a rov what's pshat with [illegally] downloaded music and stuff.
he said "If Hashem doesn't want me to have it, then I shouldn't have it..."
And I resolved to delete all the stuff. But It took a long long time for those simple words to penetrate. Lot of growth. Hatzlocha to you.

Singularity wrote on 16 Feb 2017 07:25:

Yom Kippur has a real power when it comes to these commitments. Purim is coming... Maybe I'll do something small, like no more than 1 episode a day or go on a movie/tv diet for a few weeks. Or movie/tv until I reach a certain goal (days clean), then I'll take a break for a few days & start again with another goal.

Keep checking in!!!

Sorry to hear about your boxin' matches.

Have you tried one of the phone conferencesI? They generally speak to the inside of theI person and change, rather than a simple superficial bandaid?

B'hatzlachah