Hey everyone,

Last night, after 87 days, I had a fal... I feel so terrible and stupid about. I know I shouldn't feel sad but rather ashamed and continue from there. 
I just wanted to tell you guys about my ups and downs in my struggle and possibly get some advice. I have told my story earlier and I'm not going to repeat it here. But I made a lot of progress this year in comparisson to last year B''H. Even though a person very close to me died which caused the necessary stress. But still, it also brought me closer to HaShem. I'm trying very hard to be a mensch and outwardly focussed, especially towards my wife. Listening to her, giving her presents, trying to help around the house. Luckily, we fight less and our marriage has improved. I can also say that I am attracted to her, for which I thank God. Everything is fine in our marriage except for the occasional relapse. I also came closer to HaShem by going to minyan everday and saying personal prayers like the handbook says.
I've been trying really hard not to relapse but somehow after a while I get comfortable, over-confident and stop visiting the forum... and then I fall.
Even when I start paying attention to the fact I'm getting sloppy: allowing myself to look at non-religious news sites, movies, praying less, not reading the handbook and musar everyday etc. it's usually to late. That is also what happened this time. 
Also, before I had a lot of stress of not having a job and being in kollel most of the time and having bills we couldn't pay etc. But now, thank God, I found a decent paying job (for Israeli standards) and we are managing b''H. That took away a lot of stress but also took away from my Torah learing and being in touch with the Torah world in general. Many times I'm to tired to go to tefila after work.
Yesterday after I relapsed I felt so bad that I started this morning by going to selichot right away, which I should have been doing anyway. Now I feel strong again and I stopped listening to secular radio during work and going to selichot, trying to learn more etc. But I'm still afraid. I'm so scared that after the hagim I'm going to get comfortable and weak again and fall again... This can't go on like this...

After reading Dov's quotes I realize I already lost my sobriety before I acted out. The twisted logic entered my mind telling me that it's natural and I won't be able to live life without lusting after other women. That is what I meant earlier in my post. I wonder if there is a way to regain my sobriety after losing it before acting out. Something I can do as soon as I realize and not fall...

Yes you can regain your sobriety. Keep working on it and don't get complacent. 

It sounds like you have made a lot of progress, and have a lot to be thankful for.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do the things that helped you until this point.

Hatzlacha Rabba!! 

Falling doesn't mean that you lost everything till this point. You're miles ahead of the last time you fell. Keep growing, keep working on it, and keep at it.