Hey everyone,

My name is NOYA and I'm here to perform a mind dump.

I am 20 years old and a good boy overall. I discovered pornography and masturbation at about age 13 or so. I got very into both of those things and etched those neuron pathways good and deep. I found out that both of these things were sins at age 14 but couldn't stop. It's been that way ever since. I've tried to stop, but just couldn't.

When I was in Israel I met a mashgiach from a yeshiva who claimed that if you stop masturbating for 40 days then you will have stopped the habit. I made it to 40, but it didn't work.

I made it to 40 several more times, but every time I failed I got depressed and guilty.

This year in yeshiva is my strongest year ever. So far I've had a 42 day campaign, followed by a 33 day campaign (which was on the GUE list), and now I'm on Day 6 of another campaign. And now that I'm on the forum, I hope to get lots of support from my holy brothers here, and to give lots of support to others as well.

Although I have not made it to Day 90, I've assembled a list of things for other people to learn from that work for me. There are 3 categories:

Physical
The base level of trouble with regard to masturbating is by physically stimulating the milah. Obviously touching the milah in a sexual manner, deliberately to excite is problematic, but even just casually rubbing or flicking or whatever can be problematic. Therefore my first rule is never to touch the milah ever under any circumstances. Also, if a certain body position is associated with masturbation you must avoid it. For example, I psychologically associate lying on my back with this aviera, so I make sure to never lie on my back.

Visual
The handbook talks about this and it's pretty poshut, but you have to do your best to stay away from any and all inappropriate visual contact with anything. Thank G-d I don't have an issue with the internet because I have a great filter, but one glimpse at an attractive woman can set me haywire sometimes if she strikes me a certain way.

Therefore, one must avoid woman in general and if you must go out, make sure to enter "low-scan mode." That means to lower your gaze so you can see in front of you about 5-10 feet, so you don't see woman from far away. And this way you might see legs, but since it's winter time that's not so bad.

Mental
Hirhurim come and go even to the greatest of people. You can't feel bad about the fact that you get hirhurim because everyone does. The aveira is to continue thinking about it. The way to deal with hirhurim is to distract yourself with other things.

THE BIGGEST YESOD IN FIGHTING THE YETZER HARA IN GENERAL IS TO REALIZE THAT HE IS STRONG AND YOU ARE WEAK. How does one win a battle like that? By running away. Every time you feel a battle coming you MUST distract yourself immediately. For me, learning or reviewing math helps distract me a lot.

Now then, I'm here to make it Day 90, but I find the following problem comes up every time. The way I see it there are essentially two levels of taivah status - Level 1 and Level 2.

Level 1 taivah is the status you get in when a thought goes into your mind and you casually think about it a little, or you might see something that excites you, but you're not "gone." You can still control yourself and distract yourself, and all that. I have no problem with dealing with Level 1 intrusions - All you have to do is distract yourself and you win (as mentioned before)!

But when I get into higher numbers, like in the high 40's, I get something that I call Level 2 taivah, or "structural taivah." I feel like my whole body is locked into taivah "mode" and no matter what I do, and I think I've tried absolutely everything, I just can't shake it.

I've distracted myself for hours to no avail, I've begged Hashem to help me and to take away the taivah, I've called Rabbeim to help, but it always gets me in the end after I'm Level 2. I still don't really know how I'll deal with it when it will come around day 45 or so, but I have 40 days until I have to gear up for that.

Anyway, I've blabbed forever. Wish me luck everyone and hatzlacha to all of you!

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This Shiur, given recently by Rabbi Yisroel Reisman, discusses the little-known Middah of “Netzach.”  We believe that the GYE community will find this Shiur very inspiring and insightful, both for its general theme and for the specific discussion of the Nisyonos of the Internet. (The Shiur is being shared in its entirety with the generous permission of the copyright holder.  Please note that permission is granted to download only for your personal use.  This Shiur, and hundreds of other Shiurim by Rabbi Reisman, can be purchased and downloaded here, or contact navitapes@gmail.com.)

In my opinion, I'm at the point right now where all I really need legabay this issue is to get married. I'm no longer acting out with pornography, and I think that when I'm married, my wife will fulfill the other needs. Hopefully, bimheira!