Uh oh the NSA intercepted my secret encrypted messages 

gee whiz everyone... didn't know the 90 days proposition was so controversial on an area dedicated to it. No doubt there is ample room to to fight about it. I'm not really interested in fighting, more interested in trying to figure what makes me & my addiction tick. 

This ninety days thing - for me, at least - is just someone to start and learn from experience from there. That's it. I'm not particularly philosophical about it. I hate acting out, and I want to stop. Observe - starting point. That's it. 

cordnoy wrote on 25 Feb 2016 23:32:

This is how it for me. When I first signed up for the 90 day chart I didn't really know how I would do it. But it jumpstarted me and gave me a defined goal to work towards, and along with that I spent a lot of time on GYE and learned many new perspectives and techniques which have helped me along the way. B"H I'm nearly there, and I think this initial accomplishment will prove to me that I can really be clean long term! 
R' MMM, I wish you a lot of Hatzlacha on this journey. It's a great first step! 

doingtshuva wrote on 25 Feb 2016 10:55:

Waston knows what he's talking,
on day 98 I had a fall with utube. Needed to open the net for work but messed around. B"H didn't watch porn but was enough for me to consider it a fall.
For 98 days I avoided Utube but yesterday I really needed it for work purpose, but I see that I can't trust myself even after reaching 90.
So I'm asking myself why is it the second time that I fall right after reaching 90?

I don't understand your question.
I was sober for 90+ days many times and then fell....once on day 91 as well.
B"H now I am not much into the countin' and doin' very well....for today, for I realized that today is where the decisions need to be made. I believe that part of how I can continuously do that is on account of all the clean days of the past. The primary reason, however, is due to the workin' of the steps.

B'hatzlachah to you

cordnoy wrote on 26 Feb 2016 11:25:

That's my biggest problem, that I don't see myself doing the steps.
Why? maybe I'm scared from wife or going public. It's part of my OCD.

 

It doesn't need to be public.

Does your wife know anythin' about your situation?

I just read through this thread: I never signed up for the 90 day challenge. Why? Because I thought there was no way that I would EVER reach 90 days. My longest period of sobriety at that point was 6 weeks. Those 6 weeks were worse than acting out. Life was hell. I remember lying in my bed completely stressed out and triggered, begging god to make me fall asleep so I can have a wet dream. I also used to be a big hater of the 90 day challenge because I thought it represented false hopes and wasn't effective. I have since changed my opinion on that. The scientific aspect of the 90 day challenge is research and I am not a scientist to argue. What I can say is that many of us need more than just habit breaking. However, the 90 day challenge is a good haschalah to many tools. It can lead to the forum, to connection with others, to 12 steps, to many things. As is now commonly known, the word "challenge" entices people to participate in it. There are many trends on social media that are challenges, some of them for good causes, such as the "Ice Bucket Challenge" for ALS. Therefore, I think that the 90 day challenge is a good thing, regardless if people are naive about the whole sugyah and don't understand all the implications. GYE is what got me to go to SA and SA has changed my life. I owe a lot to GYE.

Peace Out.

I joined the 90 day chart a few times. I also joined various other online challenges, forums, counting systems, charts etc. I read many books on willpower, self-control, how to stop watching porn, etc. I tried hundreds of methods to stop on my own as well, ranging from ludicrous to extreme. I even 'did' the 12 steps in my bedroom one afternoon!

I got nowhere near 90 days. In fact each failure made me feel worse about myself and pushed me to act out again. Even SA did not help me just by joining. The only thing that has helped me has been to actually work on myself and my relationship with Hashem, within a network of others doing the same.

That doesn't mean that other methods won't work for other people. There's plenty of evidence on this forum that they do. I'm writing this because some people here might be like me.

What I wrote about needing to change to stay sober - for further details please see either the big book of AA or Rambam's hilchos teshuva, (depending on whether you're a good person who has a disease, or a good person who made some mistakes).

Watson wrote on 27 Feb 2016 19:40:

I think it's time for me to start reading the white book.
Thanks you all

cordnoy wrote on 26 Feb 2016 11:57:

You dont know me cause I am a very complicated person and it's hard for me to accept new things besides that I'm a very shy person.
I'm going to start reading the white book, hope to get a better view on 12 steps and about myself.
Is there a way too test myself if the 12 steps are for me?

Wife knows feels suffers without me needing to say anything.
You know what I mean.

doingtshuva wrote on 27 Feb 2016 22:51:

I'm not sure if there is an accurate test as such, but if you look at the second link in my signature there is a short section called 'test yourself' which might be helpful.

doingtshuva wrote on 27 Feb 2016 22:51:

Nope.
Nope.

Try readin' some.
See how you feel about it.

whats the second Nope for?