There is always new things are wives have been in, since are gene pool have cross, and inntimacy connect our special mate, since we are not stranger, the sharing of daily life keep like sweet, and as we share life with our companions an loneliness comes if we attempt flicking in an imaginary world. Thank Abba, I can share with a woman who love the Creator of the universe, and she work hard at making sure our relationship is comfortable, and this includes when she feels xI have not honored her rights. Amen us men gratify ourselves in imagination, we have a lot to learn about how we force our wives, rather than hold a relationship with them.

Yesterday I took a leap and made a TaPHSiC shavua. I was advised to make it for one week, which I did. It's going to hold me back, but it also feels like pressure. Pressure to measure up. Hashem help me.

Shlomo24 wrote:


About telling your spouse- I want to jump in with a slightly different take. Part of the addiction problem is the isolation and living in the shadows, as well as feeling like a hypocrite because you have these deep dark secrets you would never want anyone to know.

Of course, I do t think there is anyone who says you should tell your wife blow by blow what you look at, when, etc. BUT- if you are looking to get out of the shadows and not feel like you are sneaking around or living a double life, which I personally find is TERRIBLE for sobriety, then perhaps consider telling her at some point.

I would suggest that perhaps after having some serious sobriety under you, and also perhaps after having reached out to someone professional who can help you be honest in a non-specific way with her, that maybe you give it a thought. Talking from my own personal experience, (can't do much more than that) after the pain of disclosure you can actually build a much better relationship.

On the other hand, if you just slip with porn a few times a year, then perhaps masturbation is the issue that you would share with her and maybe you would leave porn out of it.

In short, I'm not disagreeing and saying that there is a need to say something now. I'm saying oh might want to work towards it.

You have to see what works for you. It definitely works for some people. For others, it makes the obsessive thinking go haywire and ends causing them trouble. You're doing it for a short while. If it doesn't work, don't do it again.

Day 2 and I'm more settled. I think all the talk about "we don't make shavuos anymore; it's too dangerous" has warped my thinking. This will be a good move for me, IY"H.

SA doesn't say to never say, it just advises not telling once somebody jumps on the bandwagon, wait some time first. Also I think the reason why is because while it might feel good to get out all the sh(ahem), it may not be good for the receiving side. It might cause more harm to the other side then the good to them. I personally have experienced this in telling my parents. My father went on a control binge and I am still suffering the repercussions from it. I also know of a guy in SA who told all right away and now he is still in deep sh(ahem) for it. Had he just said he struggles sexually and he's going to SA he would've been better off. Al kol ponim, it can be helpful and feel very good to tell, just maybe not your wife yet. I recently did my first step with my sponsor, (I said my whole sexual history and more), and it was a very good experience.

Shlomo24 wrote:

I was beaten in my youth, moved every year til sixteen, had a different father many of those year, until Elohim B"H became my Father, He is a Father to the fatherless. Tehillim 46:10 in the stillness peace filled me, and I knew I had met the greatest father of all. My first days of victory were riding on the one event, yet today I know that every day. I need One to fill me with His Presence, otherwise we take on the day empty, and cravings can easily cause us to fall, as when we get discouraged or afraid, I go for a spiritual hug on these type on days, daddies should give them to his children, for we may have missed our share, and so fill your children so they have your love, and tell them of One who is their great Father.

Sounds like you have been through a lot. May Hashem give you strength.

wantoimprove wrote on 06 Jan 2016 19:46:

First of all, Mazel Tov  on 90 days כן ירבו !
Secondly, Shavuos are dangerous!
You can try the taphsic first without a shevua. I made a kabbalah on Yom Kippur that if I would do x or y during the next year, I would fast the next day. Psychologically, for many months, those behaviors were totally off limits for me. (Also, part of the genius of taphsic is that you aren't directly going against the addictive behaviors; I can keep my word and do hard things without a shevua, as long as it's not my area of addiction.)
מזל טוב again עלה והצלח!