I want to keep a log a place to go when i am about to fail i don't really know what i am doing and i read some stuff but there is a lot to read so for now i am starting the longest i have ever done is 3 weeks in yeshiva and i don't know why i think i will do better this time but here goes nothing. i anticipate three problems as of now.
How will i be able to keep my head clean throughout the day if i don't relive myself at night last time i found my whole personality changed i got inpatient and constant onslaught of bad thoughts?
How will i fall asleep at night?
As of now i don't have an internet filter but in the past when i had one it blocked sites that i needed for research and when i fell i was able to bypass it very easily?

If anyone has any advice that would be great

Welcome to you,

Looking forward to hearing more.

B'hatzlachah

Welcome,

Firstly I was and still am in many ways in your shoes. I still have a hard time staying sober at nite. I am used to falling asleep with my lust pill (aka reliving myself) and I have a very hard time without it.

One thing I can say for sure the first few days are very hard. Also I found that staying clean at night is actually a remedy for staying clean during the day. When I don't relieve myself at night the days are less itchy. (Not always but often.) And of course when I don't view porn during the day me "need" to relieve myself at nite is less as well. Its kind of cyclical.

One thing, I try to fall asleep via reading or lisetning to something interesting so my mind gets me off the "need too relieve myself".

WELCOME! WELCOME!

thanks for sharing, can't wait to see more. this is good safe place for us strugglers with a lot of helpful tools.

hatzlacha!

so the first night after staying up all night i was not a ben torah but since then it has bean three days and i have bean totally fine but also very bogged down with my personal life and stayed up late watching movies (not ones with immodesty) but now i am in bed and for the life of me can not understand why i am following these particular halachos. i was reading mislas yisharim and the ramchal seemed very hedonistic. my understanding of the Great Rishon was that the absolute best pleasure comes from serving HaShem, but maby i can settle for the second best. About 2hr ago i had an incredible hisbodedut experiences which is wired since i am not chasidish in any way i try to be as litvish as i can (i usual fail miserably just ask the guys at my kollel but sometimes i try really hard) at this point i am writing just to procrastinate what i really want to do. i hered once in the name of the Chofetz Chaim that if you are going to speak loshon hora there is value in waiting 30 seconds before you say it and even if you say it those 30 seconds would have bean of value. so this is my 30 seconds. B"H I am a bad speller and have to keep going over my sentences to fix spelling. sorry if i am boring you but right now i am just writing so i don't do something else. Does any one feel like they are alone? like they have no friends. you could be very likable and have lots of people you see around and have conversations with but no one you can really talk to or ask help to build your sukkah. don't worry i got help but it was from a lovely chabad family and i think they only agreed since i asked them right after Neila. an other thing do any of the unmarred guys on this site think that what we are dealing with is a much bigger deal and commitment then the married guys No offense meant to married men i am sure there is real issues and real success but the longest you have to go is 6 weeks us non marreied men have to go until we find a girl, convince her to marry us, then marry us. for me that is probably a year out. Back to what i was saying about not having true friends if anyone feels that way i am 22 and live in canada send me a message and mabey we can email each other and have a chavroosa. i always wanted to have a chavroosa to learn mislass yisharm chapters 2,3,4 with. i read it about 4 times but to do vigilance on my own always seems way to scary since i know i will not like what i find like right now i know what is happening right after this and i am contemplating making this my last sentience but for the Chofetz Cayim i am writing one more. two more. three more. now there are tw way of looking at this one is i am a tzdikfor righting this much or two i am a rasha for not writing enough and for wasting the time of whoever is still reading this although i doubt anyone is still reading at this pint in time since you are here to get help for yourselves not to deal with me but on some level i hope someone will read this and respond with something nice but i am pretty sure no one is reading this. here i go getting all depressed again. does any one ever wish they were like Ben Azzai. does anyone know what i am referring to without looking it up? i had to look it up to remember his name but i remember the story as my rebbi told it well have a good night i have to go to sleep

Thank you. That was an amazing post. Wish you much hatzlacha.

GrowinHersh wrote:

Wrong!
Welcome!
Check out the links in my signature.
Hatzlocha!

WELCOME! Read the handbook. Keep posting. Take a deep breath. Use the enter key every so often in your post to start a new paragraph.

It makes it easier to read.

Have a good Shabbos and Yom Tov!

Gibbor

I had some comments but by the time I finished reading I forgot them.

We do read and do care.

What happened at end?

Welcome!

wishing you a lot of success. in my book your a tzadik just for joining this site, keep it up!

chag kosher v'sameach!