Cordnoy--I did read the handbook, but at the moment of a test, all thoughts of how I should actually proceed just leave my head. I'm at the end of my tether.

Right now im just feeling really alone, and terrified that I'll never even make it past a few days, that every attempt will end in failure, and im sad because of what I've done. How can I stand in front of God in a week and beg him to put me in the book of life?

Letsdoit wrote:


What have you done from the handbook before the test hits?

I've used the taphsic method (pretty successfully) in the past, am doing it again now. Have set up a filtering system on my phone(which is my only regular source of Internet, and it's a system I cannot get around, but my biggest struggle has always been with fantasies). I've been working on speaking to God about my struggles, and handing these issues over to him. And I've been attempting (b'h, on the whole, it had been gettin better, ups and downs) to deal with fantasies, by diverting the train of thiught(closing my eyes, taking deep breaths, and clearing my mind before focusing on something else). I know on a whole this fight is getting better, I suppose that is why right after I fall I feel so low, because I've been improving.

Useless? Interesting. That's one of the feelings I've never actually felt as a result of this disease. Could you explain that by any chance?

What i mean by useless, is that just after a fall(baruch hashem today's been good so far) I feel like all the effort, all the tears and prayers, all amount to nothing.

Hi - I think this article will be very helpful:
https://guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/the-30-principles/21-principles-for-the-struggle/item/principle-19-we-don-t-lose-past-gains-after-a-fall?category_id=279
Principle 19 of GYE

As I approach R"H after a recent fall, so close to R"H that it feels so scary thinking how can I rationalize asking for another chance I am telling myself that this past year I made more progress than previous years and the coming year will be better. I am asking HKB"H for life, not the death of this horrible addiction that has ruined my body and brain.

Letsdoit,

I'm on my first clean streak since years (19 days so far); for years I wanted to get out of my miserable life of cheating and lying but it was just stronger than me.
Don't despair, try to change a few things in your current lifestyle to make it harder to fall.
I'm getting a lot of support from my wife and she came up with a few ideas.
I stopped taking my smartphone in the bedroom at night, I leave the office at an earlier hour, I call my wife if I'm being delayed (even it's only for 10-15 min)...
Obviously talking to Hashem and begging for His help is part of it; BH my davening has really changed lately. When you come to 'Refoenu' I believe it's the right time to ask Hashem to heal you and help you through another day. Don't forget you have the opportunity to ask everything you need from Hashem three times a day, make the best of it. Just take a little longer to think about what you say instead of just making sure you can cross off davening from your daily to-do list.
Wishing you a lot of success
Mike

b'hatzlacha - the steps you're taking are an inspiration, as is how you and your wife work together

Thanks for the support guys--3 days so far, one day at a time.
Doethe erev rosh hashona hatoras nedarim or kol nidrei cancel out a taphsic shevuah? If so, can I have in mind not to cancel it, and thereby not canceling it?

Letsdoit wrote:


Ask your Rabbi; our expertise is in sex and lust (and a bit of alcohol).

Just stopping by to say hi and ask how are you doin?

Hey, 15 minutes at a time is ok too. Don't want to compare, but i am 24 days clean and I have been here for ages, but reading, doing, being, suddenly I feel the sober days are like a treasure of light, they are yours and Hashem loves you.