Thank you for that!

How beautiful.

Something you can draw on for inspiration for the rest of your life.

I use this strategy constantly. I am always speaking to HKB"H to protect me.

Thank you all for your support - it really helped me through. I'm on top again, Baruch HASHEM.

I'm even a little surprised that I can feel like this after bending over so far without falling.

Usually when I struggle - I become slightly weaker, even if I win. And then a little weaker after beating the next struggle - I really feel like a wounded shoulder returning home after winning a war - it's victory, but you don't really feel it... And then eventually I'll fall and start over strong.

This time I feel like I started over strong - but without the falling part.

I resonate with that, that after a big challenge that you overcome you still feel weaker for the next one that hits you someone else here recently said that too but I forgot who, maybe lomed or polar bear.
I wonder if anyone has a suggestion if there's a way about things so that the big waves that sometimes hit don't sap our strength and leave us vulnerable to fall at the next wave.

Here's a nice followup;

I used the Taphsic tool again. This time I started my 'before' chores when the storm had only built up to about 5%. This time, I tried to do them quicker then the last time I used it, because I kind of wanted to... you know. Well, I got so distracted and tired that halfway through the chores, the storm was completely out, and I was debating whether or not to finish the chores "Just for fun". I ended up finishing all the chores. And then I 'tried' to start the storm, but I was all worn out.

Ever get this feeling, when you have already beaten the fire out, but you kind of want to restart it?

Baruch HASHEM I was way too tired, and all is well that ends well.

Update;

A storm started coming, so I decided I'll start the Taphsic chores. Then I said to myself "I'm too tired to do these chores for the next 2-3 hours!" It completely turned me off.

I ended up not doing the chores, and not falling.

This Taphsic tool is brilliant.

Tomorrow's going to be 6 weeks clean! Just beat my last streak from 2 years ago.

It's bumpy. Very bumpy. Hard for me to believe that I actually made it this far. That must mean that GYE actually works!

I think my emergency recovery method is the Taphsic tool. Every time I'm about to fall, it 'fools' me into not falling. It's a constant struggle. I wish it would stop already. But it works.

Thank you all for your support, I needed you all, and I'm still clean thanks to you.

Still toughing it! But with backup tools!

MAZAL TOV!

Congrats! The preventative tools can be very helpful!

Just reached the 90 day halfpoint.

Still here, barely holding on - but still here.

Thought it might help my struggle if I shared that.

The only thing we can really do today to stay sober tomorrow, is stay sober today. Live in the day chaver! There is no 45, no 90, no half way there. We have today and that's it! Today is ours to live by or not God forbid.

45 days sober. Isn't that just wonderful. I hope you have as much nachas as I have from you.
Are you happier? are you a little more confident? As serenity says if you can do 45 you can do 1. I look forward to continue to celebrate your daily achievements. Hashem has been by your side 45 days strong - believe in him and his loyalty to you and therefore be confident he will continue to help you succeed.
Revel in the sweetness of your Sobriety.

Mazal Tov! Thank you for the inspiration!

yiraishamaim: Yes, things changed ever since I started;

I can feel the world around me. It's full of color that I hadn't really noticed in a while. I can look up to the horizon and appreciate how the clouds turn all strawberry ice-cream swirl during a sunset. I can stare at a budding branch in wonder and study the beautiful vanes in a leaf sitting on the sidewalk before the breeze takes it away. I can sing from my heart and I do it often. I am more focused and I accomplish much more. I emotionally share good and not so good times with my family, and I recently took Mrs. Polar Bear out for the first time in ages to a romantic boat-ride.

That being said - I still feel this close to falling almost once a day and I can't believe I made it this far. This is definitely not my battle because if it was, I would have fallen a while ago already.

I may not be falling. But almost falling and not falling in the end is becoming my new pattern. It's far better than actually falling, but it's not a long-term solution and I am going to have to build myself to state of not almost.

Thanks all for the encouragement.