stillgoing wrote:


You're startin' again, and that's great; why mix in this stuff?

you are strong!

it will be with hatzlachah

cordnoy[quote]

I'm mixing it in because how can I not. I can't ignore my history. 10 years ago I never experienced the shmutz of the internet. (Other things, yes but not the internet) When I first learned how to go online, I wasn't tempted at all to search for bad things since I never experienced them. But now it's a whole nother world. An innocent word on goggle that starts with an "I" and ends with a "e" and has "mag" in the middle is enough to make my heart start pounding. Ive got to take that into consideration so I can prepare accordingly. No?

yiraishamaim

How can I? They are all over the place. this particular fall, I believe was brewing first for a few days. I was by a chasuna Thursday night and two people at my table apparently had a little too much to drink (I hope they don't do this without drinking) and were acting inappropriately. I knew them and those thoughts kept swirling in my mind until a test presented itself in the form of a suddenly weakened filter and.... down I went!

What is the balance needed between avoiding the triggers (only works so much, since eventually they will find you) and strengthening oneself to be able to withstand the triggers.

[quote="stillgoing" post=258145]cordnoy


I had highlighted the part of your post that my question was addressing.
Most babies are born with somethin' they need to fix from their past lifetime.

Let us try to keep this site as normal as possible (except that we are prevalent to lust).

[Babies are born because God has neshamos stored under the kisei hakavod and His plan is that they should enter this world.]

cordnoy

I purposely didn't write "all", but ok, I'll leave that to the blocked mekubalim forum. My point was that I feel that I have a one up over someone who is just starting out, in that I know (some of) my weak spots and I'm trying to work on them. Weather or not we are all gilgulim, we are all here to accomplish something. I have found something that is challenging to me and I'm attacking it aggressively. (I have a feeling that Dov is going to chime in and say "why am I being so aggressive?" point taken) If I don't point out the one up over the first starters, then all that I'm left with is frustration over how I got myself into this crazy mess to begin with, with poor decision making, and weak will power.

Hello everyone.
B"H I'm going on 37 hours now clean. If I think about it, we only have 7,279,200 seconds until Candle lighting for Rosh Hashana. And only another 864,000 seconds until kol nidrey. That may sound like a lot but seconds go by awfully fast!. Think about how many seconds went by since you started reading this post, 25?, how long since we logged on to gye, or better yet how long since we woke up? there are only a little over 3 million seconds in a year and the average person with a eighty year life span has roughly only two and a half billion seconds from the moment he is born until the moment he dies to use as he sees fit! Are we already 40 years old, half the time is already gone, we need to focus on the moment but remember, the clock is ticking...





Ok, ok, some people are probably getting annoyed at me, and would say stop trying to scare everyone, and stick to my chart, and enough of the predictions! Personally I love that kind of post (with all of the seconds) because it gets me out of the sluggish attitude about life and gets me going on the path of greatness (if only I wouldn't fall off on the first step, I might actually be somewhere). but I'll try to stick to my progress for now.
The problem is b"H there is nothing to write. I said I would post on the small struggles but I've been too busy and tired too notice the challenges walking in front of me.
Well, I'm not complaining, B"H that there have not been triggers, and

stillgoing wrote:


you are correct, a person cannot avoid all potential triggers

Just my take: We have the proper attitudes. There are great sources for these. Then we have our hishtadlus which is to stay away from triggers. However, every once in a while a trigger appears anyway. Our attitudes that we are holding by and continually reinforcing- mainly giving over ourselves to Hashem- is what will carry us through the nisayon of the trigger.

yiraishamaim


Well said. Thank you. Just one point t hat I would differ on, At this point of my life I wouldn't say that "every once in a while a trigger appears anyway", rather every once in a while we can go trigger free.

My hishtadlus may be a bit different then some people here on gye. When it comes to p*** it's the same. Avoid it, and anything that may lead to it. But when it comes to real people, avoiding those who can be a trigger for me is not an option since I will have to lock myself up in my house, (ssa)rather (following the example of someone here at gye) I'm trying to face the person (people) head on, and still not have negative (read; lustful) thoughts about them! Hard work, but something that I believe can help me overcome my problem. Perhaps the same method can be used for others who need to come in contact with women (work etc..). I wouldn't know.
Thanks for reading
SG

P.S. Yesterday was a good day, because I binged on gye , so I had no time to think about negative thoughts (or anything else for that matter ) On the other hand, that was time spent on the computer, that did not involve a slip, so I guess it was a score .

[quote="stillgoing" post=258443]yiraishamaim


Well said. Thank you. Just one point t hat I would differ on, At this point of my life I wouldn't say that "every once in a while a trigger appears anyway", rather every once in a while we can go trigger free.

So you are constantly exposed to triggers yet you were sober for I think- was it 62 days?

You are a prime example of the miracles that G-d bestows on us.

If he did that for you for 62 days long, and you show you are a serious servant by GETTING UP AGAIN- o' mighty stillgoing- he most surely will help you again.

Guys, I saw the following quote from the Chazon Ish in Zos Brisi, an absolutely incredible sefer found under Ebooks on the GYE homepage:

The Chazon Ish

The point is, once we've taken that step and now find ourselves within the jaws of Lust, all of the knowledge of even the deepest secrets of Hashem's world will not help stop us from doing the aveiroh. Every ounce of seichel we have, will simply vanish.

The only way to succeed is with gedarim and lots of them. The sefer brings the words of the Ramchal that supports this idea as the way to save ourselves from falling:

who


Preventing triggers should be our focus, not learning how to be soveil them. Unfortunately for many of us, we need to be sensitive to the fact that "stuff happens" as they say. But when it does, we need to get up and run (or do something similar) if we sense danger - not to sit around idly in a deteriorating situation only to find ourselves later being taken out for slaughter.

Not sure if this hits the nail on the head, but I wanted to say it anyways...

BTW,

I just wanted to add something about the sefer Zos Brisi. For me, I couldn't even look at Chalek Aleph or Beis, especially after recently falling - it was way too much for me. Rather, I began from Chalek Gimmel, which discusses the koach of teshuva and how to repair the damage done. Find a quiet place, just read it slowly, and bring lots of Kleenex.

After this, I went back to Chalek Beis and learned from Perek Vav to the end of Chalek Beis. Once again, find a quiet place, read it slowly, and bring lots of Kleenex. It's really amazing.

Chalek Aleph discusses the isur of MZ"L which I think was written for kids before they've reached puberty. I know MZ"L is asur and don't want to even imagine what my actions have caused, so I thought it best to just skip it. The first part of Chalek Beis (until perek vav) tells you about all the wonderful reward awaiting those who guard their Bris. Sounds great, but since I can't consider myself a member of that group, I would rather not know what I am losing out on. Or (as I have seen more than once on GYE), watch out spoiler Don't know if I did that right, but it was worth a try.

I also skipped the fourth Chalek which are quotes taken from the Zohar and translated into Hebrew. A lot of what is said there I may or may not have heard of, but I was frankly too frightened to learn through it (unless maybe I needed a reason to commit suicide).

The parts I did learn through were phenomenal in helping me rid myself of despair.

Yudi wrote:

Doesn't look like it. Hilight the text you want hidden, then press the spoiler button.

Thank you Yudi, your posts wee exactly what I needed. Not too long ago I was in a hotel by myself. It's a long story and I really didn't want to be in that nisayon. I did not even open the television. I felt so happy that Hashem had helped me be sober for months and I felt simply great. Perhaps I thought I am now on the road to being one of those guys that eventually have years behind them.

Was I in for a surprise. A few days later I have a couple of serious slips. Then a few weeks later, which is today, again a slip. I've had my feathers ruffled.

I realize that I need to make some more gedarim and I have already resolved to do so.

One can never be complacent. Thanks Yudi for driving home the point.

Thanks Yudi for those posts about distancing ourselves from aveira.

Dr. Seuss