I am married for 10 years and known for and considered a real chushiva yungerman. I hated myself and was depressed because whenever i spoke to someone and even more to my talmidim i would think to myself if only they knew what i was all about. i tried fighting my addiction many many times and the most i would stay free from porn would be a week or the most two weeks. about 2 months ago i could not take it anymore and relized this is not something i could get rid of myself. i relized this was a real addiction and needed help. i paid a lot to meet with a professional therapist and he asked me if i ever tryed gye. i told him i never heard about it and i signed up. i am now free for 38 days and determined to make it till 90. i feel like a new person. i was never so happy in my life before. I started taking care of things taht had to get done and i saw an amazing siyate dishmaye in whatever i did. My relationship with my wife and my kidschanged completely and everyone was so happy but i only in knew why.
On the first night of pesach when i was in shul when they said burchi and started mariv i started crying like a baby. i couldnt stop. when i started saying ahavas olem when i said the words that hashem loves us i was crying so hard from happiness i felt hashem calling all his malachim and pointing on me and saying look at my children and the nachas i have from them. its impossible for me to describe all my feelings i felt.
i wish everyone hatzlachah and i daven for evreyone here to be able to be strong and i hope hashen gives me also the strength to always stay clean.

I can really relate to this a lot, because of what people thought about me, and now i can actually be that person!

Welcome Chozer!!!

Gevaldigah post!!! Keep up the good work!!! Remember though that the triggers could just pop up from nowhere so be ready.

Its really nice to see and hear how you feel your shtaiging from day to day be"h.

Keep On Trucking!!!

Welcome! And you have no idea how eerie it was for me to read your post. For I have gone through the same thing and felt that same feeling of Hippocracy(not sure how to spell that) so many times. I too am considered a very choshuveh yungerman. Your cycle of staying clean is extremely similar to mine. But I started seeing as specialist too recently. It has so far been very helpful. Mainly in helping me identify in why I feel the need to act out. Anyway enough rambling. Welcome! Keep posting and keep climbing!

Welcome to GYE! Thank you for that very powerful share! Take it one day at a time.

Hatzlacha!

Welcome,

continued hatzlachah

thanks everyone for the warm welcome, i cant thank enough the chevrah at gye. i don't know if there was ever a chol hamoed which passed totally clean. it was always my hardest time, thanks to gye this is my first time!!!!

Keep it up!

Keep Up The Good Work!!!