We don't know you or your friend.
it might be the best advice to give him the numbers or emails of someone who can help him.
as you progress slowly, you can open up more with him.

Only a suggestion.

b'hatzlachah

If your friend has this problem then he may be uncomfortable opening up, as many people feel that the world will end if someone finds out... And so you might just have to try the waters and try to get a feel of 1. Does your friend have this issue
2. How comfortable he is in dealing with others about it...

Hatzlacha!

Thanks for the answers !
You're right, I should be less impatient and don't make things go so fast.
B"H today I'll just try to tell him about GYE, the website which made me discover the filter, I think he will understand and go check it ! It would be a good beginning !

Thanks so much for the answers !

Hi all, I hope everybody had a great chag and that we are definitely on the way to get out from our own Mitsraim !

Just wanting to share something with you : 2 days ago I had a big conversation with my parents and I told them that I couldn't carry this loneliness anymore. To sum up quickly I told them that I know they are afraid I turn too religious for them but in an other hand I know I want to pursuit this way of life and try to isolate me that way is not good for me and for them as well. So now I'm gonna have more freedom to spend Chabbat with friends and so on.
And I spend the 2nd chag at a friend house, he's amazing and old Baal techuvah as well so b"H it will be amazing to study with and talk to someone who understand me.
Hachem Did an obvious miracle here and I wanted to share it with you !

Chag Sameah' !

Hi all, it has been a while since my last post !

Just to sum up quickly what happened, these 2 yamim tovim to my friend house were really amazing, all this made me sure I want to live this kind of frum life, not wasted with all these technologies and wrong goals but with share and living Torah !

Unfortunately all this fervor is gone more and more each day, especially with the return at university. The weather was good and hot and so people were undressed, even in my class and even just near me. That was the beginning of my long slip walk until today..!

I think that my inactivity for recovery is a big part of that. After 2 months clean I was really too confident, I didn't go for a second lecture of the handbook, I didn't post so often and I stopped my little talk to Hachem before going to sleep..

bH no fall to report but it was near.. It's very strange because these days I felt near falling even if apparently all was going good.
I don't know if you understand what I mean, it's like your working on the desk and then you feel the desire comes, without any stimulation or what and you feel you're going to fall. And the more the days pass the more you feel weak and about to fall whereas someone who would see it from the outside would not see any difference..
That is what's happening to me since friday and it's going worst because I'm in holiday for 2 weeks now.

It's time for me to become more regular here because I begin to understand that I'm totally lost without a regular work..

As serenity suggested on his thread I'll try to post every day, even shortly, what I've try to do in the day to cure myself and fight the problem at his source and not only the symptom of lusting.



Today was very hard, and I was about to begin to act like I used to. Ofc not really in the old way: men you know the yetser hara is a gentleman, he knows that now I am not as animal as I was, and it will not be smart to go so quickly on obviously unproper stuff.. Let's just go for totally innocent picture, what's the problem nothing bad here ? Or what about reading a very interesting article on a totally neutral subject ? ... I don't continue you probably know the song !

I told myself that I couldn't fall because of all the hard work I had done and also because my TaPhSiC neder is really difficult to achieve (as I write this I see that these reasons are probably not be enough at all to continue..)
Anyway I go to bed and pray for a wet dream or a totally lost of desire after I wake up. And then I understand that I haven't really changed in all these months.. Even if I have more than 2 months clean, my twisted mind is still here. I understand that all my prayers are always the same, the sense is : "Hachem take away my desire IN A WAY I DON'T HAVE TO DO NOTHING" and it can't be this way.

After some reflection I remembered that the new Loubavitch chliah' of the town, which is a friend of mine, was looking for jews in the streets today near my home so I get up and proudly call him to see if I can go for some time with him. Unfortunately he was already back home.. But Hachem Didn't let me, I remembered of an oooooold friend of mine who is now kind of spiritualy lost for the moment (tareif, goya..) and I told the chaliah' about him. I didn't have the adress in memory so I went out from bed, get dressed, and went out to find his home and give the adress to the chliah' !

Let me tell you that at the second I leave my house I felt I was in a totally different world. Hachem Gave me the zekhout to pass from being in my bed with my phone and all the light off to a lightfull street to take part in b"H the techuva of a jew ! It seem so simple, going in front of someone house to give an adress but I really felt I had done what Hachem was waiting for me to do..!

So that's what "I" have done today for recovery.
Thank you for the idea serenity,
and I hope to have more to tell you every day about my real involvement to recover !


Yossef

Thank you for the story.

It was inspiring. Doing what Hashem wants- and don't forget you got up, got dressed there was some mesiros nefesh over here.

KUTGW

Great post palti yosef very inspiring. When we are at a high things run smooth. But it is in our lows that our true growth gets unveiled and revealed outside. That is why you should hold on strong and keep doing the good things. Until Hashem will show you His Yeshuot.

Thanks for the honorable mention . You seem to have grown a lot to me. That was a very open, honest and powerful share. So, thanks!

First let me thank you all for your answers, know that they were read with lot of attention !


To sum up this day, it was a very difficult one.. However I try to begin it the good way. I drove my sister to a math lesson, after I listened to my grandmother for about 40mn before going to take back my sister. After that I keep my little cousin of 8 y.o. in the afternoon and we play a lot with doing some gardening.

Unfortunately I had to come back to my bedroom to continue my work as I pass my exams in 4 weeks.. It was amazingly scary how from the very first moment I found myself alone the desire came.. It was more powerfull than yesterday and I begin to fall in it. My TaPhSiC is break when I come in a state of erect* so it was pretty hard to deal and continue in the desire as I used to without breaking the TaPhSic.. B"H I didn't broke it but I was very very near to
and even if the TaPhSiC is still unspoiled I'm not so proud of myself.
Hachem obviously Saved me this time when I remembered of a farbrenguen I went on sunday.

After the shower I get dressed and I tried to work. The Yetser is horrible on these moments when I have to work really hard and to concentrate alone in my room, especially during holidays.

B"H the fact to just have been near falling made me realize I really really don't want to fall anymore. But I realized that reading the stories on forum is not enough now to prevent me to slip. I have to get involve in a stronger way..

Tonight I had a skype shiour with the friend I spent the 2 last Pesach' yamim tovim. At the end I told him about the problem and ask him if I could call him when an urge come. He gave me lot of 'hizuk and ofc accepted to answer the call when he it is possible.
I plan to ask this little service to 2-3 other person I admire a lot because living this situation make me really going bad, make me think I just didn't achieve noting by falling again and again always in the same moments.

B"H as I told you the journey ends with a good think by telling to someone and the plan to tell many other ! I'm much more pround of myself now than I was this afternoon !

Thanks Hachem and thank you all !

Be proud of yourself because you are being honest and getting more involved.

Hi all, hope everything is fine for you.

To speak a little about today I feel very strange tonight :

In one hand I'm happy to say that I didn't fall today whereas lust attacked me one more time. This time was A LOT lessa than yesterday and monday, I just "fall" into this desire for some minutes and then I stop it.

But in the other hand I'm very sad about myself, telling myself that even if I didn't fall I could have, so why didn't I call my friend ?
I don't know if this sadness is from the yetserH or not ?

I try to get this sadness out by telling myself that this method is new to me, we can't be perfect all time, and I should thanks Hachem a lot instead of feel sadness.

Any advice would be very apreciated !

Anw thank you for helping everytime I need ! May Machiah' come before your answers !

Acting out can't be an option for you today. Tomorrow is not your business and yesterday is gone. Make a list now of 4 people to call every day no matter what and call them, that way you won't have to be sad for nor calling people.

Hatzlacha!

Keep reminding yourself that it never helps to indulge.

We always think that it's ok to have 'one sip' and then stop.

However this is not the case a since we are allergic to lust this means that one sip will cause an allergic reaction. This ultimately causes a fall.

When you are studying or working hard and it looks like a big mountain
remember:

1) it never helps to get pressured
2) I can only control the now so I may as well do what I can do now
3)break it down into tasks, take a deep breath and do what needs to be done at the present moment.

Also remember that Hashem is in control and as long as you do your bit Hashem will do the rest!

Lusting will never help under any circumstances!

Hatzlocha Raba!

Thank you for your advices, always very encouraging to get support from chevra here.

Your advices have been read several times and were very usefull.

Serenity you're totally right and I feel it. You know this feeling of honesty that tells you you have to do something, it's exactly that. I'm happy to see that since I begin to be "regular" here with using the tools, I am more honest with myself.
So for the calling I'm working on it. Telling my friend last night wasn't so easy, but here's begin the bitoul !
Will keep you informed of the progress b"H

And for milletry nothing to add, all is emet and should be something I repeat for myself everyday.


Anw just to tell you that B"H I didn't have any slip yesterday and also today.
What have I done for recovery : spending more time with my parents and sisters and try to go spend time with them when I take a break in my revision instead of staying alone in my room !


Hoping everyone will spend a Good Shabbes !
Yossef

Have a good Shabboss!