I can definitely relate. I use lust and fantasy as an escape when real life is not what I wish it would be. But like cordnoy said, a big part of my recovery is not letting my mind wander to those places of wishes and fantasy. It my try, but to stay sober I have to reel that is as fast as I can. (Heehee, I have to reel it in, so I can be real in it. Ok, I am probably the only one who will find that even the slightest bit amusing.) Only when I live and love life as it is, am I happy and sober.

Instead of clickin' reply, click the quote button, which is directly on the right of the reply button.

So, here's some news about my recovery.

Its day 2 of official going clean. I feel pretty good, calm. Had a very good music lesson today, was good with the fam even though the wife was angry.. Didn't let it phase me too much.

Somewhat concerned that I'll fall, but feeling calmly level-headed as well.

I'm committing to go to sleep early tonight, and have a fully functioning day tomorrow, while also giving myself down time, and me time. When I push myself too hard, I crash, get depressed and super-tired, and then I fall. So I'm really striving for balance here.

Don't think ahead of time; just at the moment in front of you.
that you have control over.

b'hatzlachah

Can I propose 2 dinim in thinking?
There's this kind of thinking:
StonerDan

Whichis probably fine - nothing wrong with a schedule that makes sense for you and sticking to it, staying productive, etc.

Then there's this kind of thinking:
StonerDan

To which I echo cordnoy's comments. JDDI. (Just Don't Do It.)

KUTGW!!

I remember when I was new to GYE (sometimes I still feel like I am) I was also very into how I felt about recovery. It took quite some time for my friends here to knock into my stubborn head that recovery means not lusting because I can't, no matter how I may feel about it at the moment, it is death for me to start lusting.

I spoke to Dov last last night (a friend of the forum who should be back sooner than later according to what he said yesterday) and he put down the facts so straight. I simply cannot afford to start the terrible process, my life becomes a complete mess when I do.

I need to stay clean now whether I feel like it or not!

Hey, thanks for the reminder bro!!

The other point is an awesome mindset change, we call it One Day at a Time. That means that there is no reason to worry about tomorrow because I can't change tomorrow. I need to live in the moment, embrace what I have now, and deal with that as it is. That includes not having expectations of how things will work out, like if I will be able to go to sleep early, because that's not entirely in my control. I need to do my best to get to sleep early because it does affect my thought process, but I am not always in control of if I will be able to sleep as much as I think I need.

There's so much to learn here, so keep on coming back!!

BTW, have you opened up to anyone in real life?

Update: Installed eblaster with the records going to my wife's email that I dont have access to, and its so far helped me already once.

BigMoish just to clarify, are you saying I shouldn't think about all that? Surely I should be aware of those potential problems, triggers, patterns?

SD, you are really doing great.

At this point, I must express my profound ignorance in what "works" and "doesn't work."
I think Pidaini really captured a lot of what I was trying to say.
Additionally, I feel that often, when I try to "figure out" what triggers me, I am reminded of the enjoyment there is in looking where I'm not supposed to. Or something. I'm not even sure myself, but I'm sure you'll see what works for you, and adapt (or stick with) your strategy accordingly.

Continued Hatzlocha

Pidaini wrote:

I have opened up to my wife, she is aware and supportive Thank Gd

It is wonderful that your wife is so supportive. I pray you have much luck. I have heard from people, including Dovid Chaim's wife, that having your wife be your shomer is not a good thing. Just keep that in mind.

hi sd,
thanks for the chat yesterday.
i'm happy to hear that you found your way around already.
looking forward to hear more from you

thanks awesome people

Hey whats prob with wife being shomer? Should I get someone else to be seeing my site visits?

Day 3 good. It's amazing how many temptations there can be daily.

Today working on putting meaning and productiveness in my day.

A Chiddush about taking one day at a time I'm sure many already know:

When One focuses just on the day at hand

(See Reb Nachman in Likutei Maharan Tinyana Ayin Reish Beis [yes, not reish ayin beis] hebrewbooks.org/pagefeed/hebrewbooks_org_19055_285.pdf#xml=http://hebrewbooks.org/hilite.aspx?pgnum=285&hilite=6db53188-2f4d-4f14-81e9-c6cb92f13739&toolbar=1&navpanes=0&statusbar=0&view=FitH )

ones whole willpower and mental attention gets focused onto the present, instead of being spread out over a huge span of time. So firstly, it's simple, that power condensed to a single location is far more effective. Secondly, we get tricked into not being in the present at all by including too much in our plans! Third, we have no idea what will arise, so planning in too much detail to it, is simply impossible.

Of course this has to somehow be balanced with the important tool of having goals. Maybe there should be a thread about the relationship between 'one day at a time' and goals.

Much love to all

PS: I changed my anonymous email address, anyone who had my previous and want my new one, or anyone who wants my new one please let me know

yeah sd,
there is a thread which we discussed the two different advantages, the one day approach and the goal approach, just i'm not sure exactly where it is.

Personally i am very much goal orientated, and precisely thinking about my future is a major incentive for me.
but most of our friends here differ.
they feel it is too much of a pressure and can end up backfiring.
what interests me is if someone can relate to the switching of both approaches, that is that the goal is the ambition, and the method is the day by day.

That's a beautiful vort, SD.

I don't really understand the first point, being that I don't know how will power works and all, but the next two aspects definitely sum up my feelings why not to plan too much.

Regarding the "wife as shomeres" subject, I can understand that most wives would probably not be as accepting/understanding of a slip or fall as we would like them to be. This may cause them unnecessary pain and put a greater strain on your mariage. Of course, we like to hope we will never have a fall, but we ARE here for a reason, right? I, too, would say that there are probably better choices of accountability partners, but every case is different, so you have to know yourself.

Keep shteiging