I introduced myself before i will try to improve in these inyanim.
I will post more on the forum and will grow Be'ezrat Hashem.
Please join me on this journey.
Last night although i did not fail last night i lusted greatly and went on a dating site. I am considering that a fail. I ended my access to that site. and i have a very good filter.
Today is day 1

Today was a great day. i learnt well and didnt waste any time. and when i walk near triggering places (i had to) i took my glasses off and couldnt see a thing ( i am -8 in both my eyes ) Have a goodnight everyone

Hello Abieham,

We're all in this together, Keep on posting!

Make sure to see the 12 suggestions on the First Time Here page.

Also, check out your Personal Home-page. It will guide you through each tool/task that we suggest, one by one, and help you track your progress in recovery.

It's great that you recognise that the dating site was a problem in and of itself, not just in that it can lead to an escalation of the problem.

I've found that posting regularly and with honesty has really helped me. So stick around, post a lot and read even more.

Behatzlocha

I can only speak from experience - My fridge recently stopped working I took it apart and found a lump of ice I removed all the ice and for several days it was working fine - it then stopped working again!!! I took it apart and got advise from a fridge repair made who told me to check if the pipe leading out was blocked - and sure enough it was I cleaned out the pipe and now it works a dream !!

I learnt a very powerful message DOING THE SAM THING AGAIN WITHOUT FINDING THE PROBLEM WILL NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM

I am a professed Sexaholic I got sexual please from everything and anything I had hirhurim which lasted 8 hours!!!!!!

Then I realised that the problem is only PARIALLY physically I was emotionally and spiritually - I had no connection to my deep self I have been clean for 30 days and have read half of the white book - my life has changed I have lehavdil got a PhD (smicha!) in Fridge repair.

Change the inside then the streets are not full of prey rather Hashems children.

Hashem appreciates even hirhur teshuva ad cama ve cama what you are doing

With blessings


charlie1

Day 2
The best feeling about being clean is the fact that I dont have to hide anything. I keep my bedroom door open because im either learning or on GYE. there is nothing to hide. I dont have to hide my phone or anything like that. Its a sense of relief. I feel great. but I will still pray and read.
Thanks for the support.

P.S. how do I gain the most benefit from the forum? Do I have to read all the new posts ( I dont really have time/desire to do that) or are a few enough?

dear abie,
i will tell you what works for me, i read and post for three reasons
1) i do it until i feel strengthened
2) when i have FREE time, and i don't want it to be spent doing you know what
3) you are also helping others

youe friend lavi

Im sorry to inform everyone but I failed last night. I basically got onto the internet through one of the apps. I knew this would happen so I asked my brother to download it for me him not even thinking about what I was thinking about. Basically i fell and was mz"l twice. I immediately deleted that app.

How am I supposed to get up from a fall. I read on the forums that you are supposed to use the fall as a springboard. Can anyone please explain that,

The following is from the GYE handbook:

20. Experience is built out of failures
The saying goes: “The man who never did anything wrong, never did anything.” Experience that makes a man ultimately successful is always earned through his initial failures. The difference between a successful person and a failure is not the number of times they fell, but rather the number of times they got up again. The successful person got up just one time more than the failure did. Our Sages said: “The Torah cannot be upheld, only through one who has stumbled in it first.” The falls are part of the struggle. And through them, we learn how to make better fences, try better strategies, and ultimately become much greater human beings.

Hatzlacha

MT

Sorry to hear about the fall.

First thing you gotta do is patch up how you fell (filter on your phone etc) But this is just a bandaid. Its just going to stop the bleeding. You need to learn how to heal, to recover.

Why do you fall? There is most likely underlying issues. If its loneliness or a low self esteem perhaps try to reach out to others here at GYE using the chat bar. The guys are really awesome.

Perhaps: stress, perfectionism, boredom etc? How could you fix these issues. We usually lust to escape from real life. We must live real life which includes overcoming our challenges not shying away from them.

You must remember that recovering doesnt take place over night. I suggest taking baby steps. Pick one thing you can do to help recover, to help you live (to help not falling doesn't count like filters or Tapsic. Those are just bandaids)

DMS1234: "You must remember that recovering doesnt take place over night. I suggest taking baby steps. Pick one thing you can do to help recover, to help you live (to help not falling doesn't count like filters or Tapsic. Those are just bandaids)"


What do you mean by that? does it mean to work the 12 steps? to lower consumption?

Any positive action that will help you grow. Waking up for Shacharis, doing kriat shma, reaching out to someone (I highly advise). Anything that will help you recover.

It's hard to know what to advise because you haven't said what you've tried already. Which of the 12 suggestions mentioned here:
guardyoureyes.com/breakingfree/first-time-here#suggestions
have you tried?

Positive action is always great. Personally I think that they only help sobriety once you've reached a certain stage of recovery. Until then it's all about stopping. Don't act out even if it feels like you will die if you don't. (you won't).

Urges happen. We all get them and we've become used to just acting on them without thought. It's become second nature. It takes practice to reverse that. When I started trying to quit I couldn't get past 3 days, I just needed to do it, the urges were too strong. Once I forced myself through that barrier it became much easier and I went from losing to the y"h 100% of the time to just 90% of the time. Success takes strange forms sometimes.

This is a process and it takes time and patience. Don't expect perfection. But don't use that as an excuse to be less than perfect either.

The y"h uses the telescope trick. When you look through it one way it magnifies, the other way minimizes.

Before an aveiroh the y"h minimizes it: "it's not so bad, everybody's doing it, Hashem will forgive you, after all who can overcome these urges?"

After the aveiroh the y"h maximizes the guilt: "how could you let yourself down so badly, Hashem doesn't forgive this sin, you're back to square one, you'll never manage this, you're pathetic."

It's important to remember what he's doing and do the opposite. Before the aveiroh remember how bad it is, how much you want to get through this barrier, how bad you'll feel if you go back to day 1. Demand perfection of yourself.

If chas vesholom you do fall remember that no-one is perfect, these things happen, that this takes time, that progress does not happen in a straight line, that if you keep working on this and NEVER GIVE UP, you will be successful. It may not happen as quick as you like but it will happen if you commit to NEVER EVER GIVING UP!!!

Hatzlocho.

Sorry about the fall, but it's great that you'e looking for the next step!!

You really got some solid advice already, great advice for all of us!!

I would first and foremost suggest not trying to do it alone, you have this amazing tool a vibrant community of understanding friends, use it for all it's worth!!! Post about your struggles, post ideas to other people, get involved!!

That's all if you are able to, if not, then get yourself phone numbers, contacts. Make up to be in touch with people daily, if not more often. With that, you always have support and for me, it is the backbone of my staying sober.

KOT!!! Don't stop!!!

Hi I just saw this ad on a website and just joined!! how great it is to know youre not alone!! for the first time in a long time i see light at the end of the tunnel.. wish me luck i just started the 90 days!

Welcome Dovi!

We're all in this together, Keep on posting!

Make sure to see the 12 suggestions on the First Time Here page.

Also, check out your Personal Home-page. It will guide you through each tool/task that we suggest, one by one, and help you track your progress in recovery.

Personally I find it very helpful to have my own journal to share my thoughts and get feedback and advice.

Behatzlocho