I hate to put a damper on things, but part of wanting and being able to stop does have to be about having a greater incentive on the other side of the scale. For example I kept falling recently so I wrote out a $120 check to a good friend and told him that if I fall he should cash it and squander it needlessly. B"h it helped so far, and I Did This for two weeks. U can try the taphsic method that also works. If at this point ur really interested in just stopping u have to level the playing field. God forbid imagine if there would be a 90% chance ur wife finds out, would u still say what ur saying now? ... I always felt that there is a diff. Between trying to stop AND TRYING TO STOP. U need incentive.

Take a look at the thread entitled busted, that'll right scare the bejeesus out of u

I personally never found scares to help in the long term, I was caught twice or three times, they made a tiny dent, but nothing serious.

The one thing I found very helpful was the change of battleground, changing from 90 days to ONLY today. One foot in front of the other, I only have to worry about that foot right now, One day at a time, I only need to battle for today not the past (to accumulate more days), not the future (get to 90 days), JUST NOW!!!

I personally found the 90 day chart to be a distraction to that in the beginning. Of course it's great to know the progress I've made, but to breath "am i going to make it to 90? Will I get more numbers?" is so hard, and took way too much effort.

I have one battle to fight, always, and that is NOW!!! The present, forget about the future, forget about the past, NOW NOW NOW NOW. Where do I put the next foot, that is always the question, every moment.

I want to be clean for now, in order to be clean NOW, that's all.

I am a little late, but Welcome!

I feel that the problem isn't just a filter even if you are a good at computers. I think that no filter will cure your problem. Of course a good filter is necessary, but you will still find a way to lust. So the problem isn't getting behind the filter. That seems like its the problem. But is there something thats possibly deeper? I don't think you will be seeing any rainbows and unicorns, once you install even the best filter!

Until you let go of the struggle and accept that you do not need porn today, you will be suffering inside and walking a tightrope. No filter can ever take that away.

Sure, chaver, having a great filter may be the only way to stay clean for long enough to even start to let it go in your heart...but I agree with the last thing you wrote above, that it is a great help but "will not necessarily get to the root of the problem".

Making the real change is what I needed and continue to need, and is where my recovery is. All the pleasure I have in my yiddishkeit, living, marriage, etc, all come from that starting point one day at a time.

Of course a filter is essential.

The making thing is to make an absolute commitment to taking a total break from Lust and to start living a different way.

Installing a filter is on of the easier ways of starting this commitment.

By the way, I also thought that my main problem was the internet, and that walking in the streets was under control.

It was only when I mananged to stop circumventing the filters that I found Lust surfacing in different ways, such as in the street.

So I had to look at myself again - was I really changing my life? Was I really dealing with the anger and resentment.

Don't get me wrong, I am a normal person, with a happy marriage and good interpersonal relationships.

But, deep inside, this Lust problem allowed me to discover that something was missing.

Keep on davening!!

That was a gorgeous post, true, and expressed so simply and accurately what many of us experience. Thanks chaver!