Hey,
After multiple unsuccessful attempts to stay clean for more than a week or so, I'm going to try this, keeping an account on here, if this doesnt work then I may give up.
I am in Kollel in EY a and ever since getting married have been unable to stay clean for any length of time. I have a filter but can always seem to get around it
Anyway,,,
this is day 1

why do you want to be clean?
whatever the reason is, you are saying that it is not worth more than the effort to keep an account here.
If and when you decide that it is worth more than that, this is a great place for encouragement and advice and also can be a springboard to even better stronger real help if necessary.
Hashem should help all of us to stay clean, but even more chashuv He should give us the koach and cheishek to properly deal with our nisyonos.

sorry, I forgot to say-
WELCOME to GYE! its a great place, there are plenty of others here in similar situations who have been helped with these problems, we are cheering you on and wish you much hatzlacha!

Welcome (back) Needshelp22!!!

So this is it....great!! What's the plan?

I'm sure you know that you can't get anywhere without a way to get there.

Another question before you start, where are you leaving from? and last but not least..where are you headed?

This is your life and you deserve it!!

so start your engines, start trucking, we're all with you!!!!

welcome
who are you threatening?
it is your life!
most of us come here, for our life was/is unmanageable with the present situation.
we want it changed.
change needs a commitment.
if you are getting around your filters, that means you don't really wanna change.
if that's the case, why bother with all this stress?
many of us posters, sa goers, 12 step workers, phone conference participators, etc. are not havin it easy...some in recovery are.
but its only worth the bother if you gonna commit.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:


I disagree, and in a big way.

If I am getting around filters it should dhow me how crazy I am, not that I don't want to change. It's no worse than falling, would one say "if you are still falling that means that you don't want to change"? I hope not, and if they do then they are clueless as to what is going on.

The same is with getting past filters, it is another part of typing in the url, no different, it is part of the thing that I want to change. I don't want to be trying to get through filters.

BUT I do agree that one needs commitment, commitment to do whatever it takes. There is no setting rules "if this goes easy, then I'm game, if not, the hell with it" chances are it will go to hell, shlepping you along with it.

What's the decision?

needshelp22 wrote:


Welcome to GYE!

I am 37. In '95 I tried to stop many times but my urge was irresistible. Now I am clean since Oct 1 '13.

I give advices to no one, but I found some over the counter medicine listed on this site to work. I take Licorice Root.

cordnoy wrote:


I do not know. Many people who commit sins enjoy the sin but fear the punishment. For instance 84% of US Jews understand that G-d exists, but only 16% keep Sabboth. I partially keep many laws, but... Most people who violate secular laws also like what they do but fear the punishment.

I understand that such attitude is contrary to Judaism, but it is part of our problem.

Pidaini wrote:


let me qualify my statement with some qualifiers.

it depends on the type of filter, the type of gettin' around it and the amount of times.
If one installs a filter that doesn't catch too much and he tries to see what site he can get on and there are many that he succeeds at, he probably doesn't really wanna change.
If one installs a good filter but he is able to write a code, or pull a Kuntz thru the back door, or install a cd to bypass the filter, that is part of the challenge, and there is no indicator that he doesn't wanna change.
If, however, he installs a good filter, and he continuously bypasses the filters thru the same type of method, chances are he does not have a strong commitment to change.

Regarding the comparison to falling, it depends on what the trigger to the fall is.
If it is watching movies and he does basically nothing to prevent that, well yes, he doesn't really have a commitment to change.
If it is lookin' at women on the street - something that is hard to avoid, there is no indicator.
If it is keepin' his yahoo account opened, one that he doesn't really need except to chat with his European friends, then he is demonstrating that he has not absolutely decided to change.
If it is on account of his wife, then there is no indicator.

And there probably are some cases that can go either way.

Ultimately, it is probably best decided by the individual (when he is in a clear mind), and therefore my statement should not have been said, and I apologize.

This is what I should have written: There are times when one installs a filter that he knows can be easily circumvented that he is simply window dressing, but ultimately, he has not made that commitment. There are, however, times when one has done what he can do at the present time, although it is not fool proof.

I will conclude with something that a young Sage on this site said: Don't expect God to help you if you don't do everything in your power to help yourself.

I installed what is supposed to be the best filter, but unfortunately im good at using a computer and found a way around it. I have sent many emails to the people who run the filter begging them to fix the problem, but they are still "working on it."

Anyway, thank you everyone for your comments they have been very helpful.
Day 3..

Perhaps you should get a job with the filter company in question as their filter tester.

Actually, they probably have enough work trying to catch up to all the other "Filter Testers" out there!

Why'd you feel the need to test it? Filters work best when you don't try to test it.

What's the plan of action?

Do you see any pattern in your falls? Is there something that happens before?

Try figuring out the problem, we can only help if we know some details!

KOP!! KOMT!!

Filter Schmilter, never used it...


.... and look I am still alive....

ok, had a few falls, true. ok, I felt like I wanted to pack my things and jump over... I am still at the beginning...all true...

But why, Joshi, why are you so careless? (you might say)

... well, the filter is not the problem.... What is the problem Joshi (you might say) and then add in a very angry tone: Why I are you playing this wise guy?

...hm... Good point. I am not smart, I am nothing, I am just a porn addict. But honestly, I did find this playing with filters and this TAPHISC (or whatever it's called) something that doesn't work for me.

The only thing that really works, for me, is the steps and the prayer. And you need to be honest, really honest. (i believe that groups help too, but i didn't join one, honestly)

And if you didn't read it yet, then look up the book for sexaholics anonymus (pdf)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!!

Falling is part of the road to recovery.

I am boruch Hashem 48 days clean, but this has taken many years to get hear. I think that one of the most important things that I have learnt on GYE, is not to let falling get me down.

Each time is an opportunity for growth.

Regarding sincerity, this is not black and white. Deep inside is a pure Yiddishe neshomo, and that is the real me.

It just takes time, work and prayer to uncover it.

I also was wondering a few months ago whether I really wanted to change.

Now that I look back, I can see that I was really always sincere, but I could not see the real me.

I think that you will see this when you begin to recover.

It is of course true that a good filter is not the only solution ( I also have got around them), and that you have to work on all aspects of your life. THIS IS LIFE TIME'S
TASK

However, filters do help.

Are you sure that you need internet at all.

Anyway, we are here for you in your rises and falls!

Thank you evreyone for your support. I feel a solid filter is make or break for me because I really dont usually have such a taivoh to look in the street, its only when im with a computer then the yh gets me, if i did not have any access at all i would oerhaps be ok.
I know that wouldn't neccessarily get to the root of the problem, but it may help me get to 90days

Day4...