canuckjew wrote:
I'm not sure why you think that. There are many people just like you, that live happy and free of obsession now.

canuckjew wrote:
Why would you go to gehennom if you did teshuva? Do you beleive in teshuva?

Like Cordnoy said, leave the bookkeeping to G-d. Do your part, today. All your worry about your future "unhappy life" and your future "days in gehennom" will not help you one bit. Quite the contrary (and most likely false as well).

Thanks guys. I am terrible for being a perfectionist and over-analyzing any mistake I have made in the past. I have a hard time forgiving myself and forgetting things I want to forget. I think a lot of this ties to my OCD and anxiety problems. Basically when I am really stressed I start doing my OCD "rituals" (like double-checking things) I get caught up watching porn again. I know that watching porn leaves me a bad "aftertaste" but I can't help but gravitate back to it because, in the back of my mind, I would think that the porn "might get better". I would have a lust thought pop in my head and I would think about that same lust thought for hours, days, and weeks at a time. The more I don't want to think about something I think about it!

How about instead of telling yourself that you don't want to think about something, think about something else instead?

@skeptical I wish it was that simple. If it was, I'm sure most people wouldn't be addicts as they could just "flip a switch" in their brain to stop their unwanted thoughts immediately. I have been trying to keep my mind occupied with other things like my job, cleaning up, etc. but these lust thoughts always find a way to resurface in my mind.

canuckjew, are you getting any help for your OCD?

I have seen anxiety counselors at school and am currently on a waiting list for an anxiety rehabilitation center in town. The school counselors have helped me...I'll just have to be optimistic that I can eventually overcome both my OCD and addiction problems through time.

There are many people on here who when told things, will dismiss it with, "Easier said than done."

I never claimed it was simple. It takes a lot of exercise, but the more we do it, the easier it becomes. The first step is awareness of our destructive behavior. The next step is that when we realize we're slipping into that behavior, we try to correct it. We may not always be successful, but again, the more we exercise, the easier it becomes.

If we keep telling ourselves not to think about the green (or is it purple?) elephant, we will most assuredly be thinking about that colored elephant! If we realize that we're falling back into that destructive pattern, we can say, "Hold up! I'd better change the topic and think about spotted zebras instead!"

Hey!! Hows it going??? How are things?

Hi everyone. I'm doing well right now. I'm gotten far on the "90 day challenge" and been reading the daily GYE emails for advice and encouragement. What I noticed through this struggle is that, when abstaining from watching porn after along time, if I encounter some kind of trigger (i.e. accidentally opening an inappropriate email) I feel an incredible rush from my mind trying to get me to watch porn again.

My mind loves to play an "all-or-nothing" game with me. If I fall once at seeing something bad (either intentional or unintentional) it will say "might as well continue watching more as you know you can never beat me!". Many times my mind would try to convince myself just to give up but slowly I'm telling myself not be a perfectionist. I am learning not be overcritical of myself and remembering that Hashem wouldn't give me challenges I can't beat. He expects me to try my best, nothing more.

Wow! That's incredible. Remember not to think too much about the "90 days". Just concentrate on Today. For now, thats what matters.

canuckjew

I hear you. Whenever that rush comes, the first think i try to do is reach out to a fellow GYE member. While telling them what is up, i usually realize how silly the temptation is and how much better off I am not looking at port, masterbating etc

KOT!!!! you are doing excellent. But please keep posting!