Dear chevre, tayre yidden,

I am back, after a long time of denial. Todays is the first day, a lot has happened. I will write about it as soon as I find time, iyH.

Happy chanuko.

As no one is replying, I will write here, that I finally, bechasdei Hashem got a sponsor.
An interesting idea I heard from R. Reuven Leuchter, see Pachad Yitzchok on chanuko.
The power of giving birth is not a "ugly yetzer hara", it is above nature, this is the only way that a child of a mumar is still Jewish.

leat leat is a soch (samech chof)

yesodhayesodos wrote:


I am sorry
I did not know what to reply to.
"A lot" has happened...in a good way?
I guess you will write about "it" when you find time.
Welcome back.

b'hatzlachah

You are right. Now I will write about "it": I tried for a while without gye and managed only 60 days approximately. Then I thought that my difficulties with hz"l will be solved through marriage and went into shidduchim, till I got engaged. However, we had to break, and now I am quite happy about it. This all happened already many, many months ago, and now I will have a longer break from shidduchim with no pressure b"H from anyone.
Unfortunately I still feel depressed after what happened, and I am now doing a psychotherapy, that will help, iyH, as I have a tendency to blame myself for everything.
After a lichtige shabbes, today is day two.
The truth is that last week I wanted to send a few emails. As internet in yeshive did not work, I went to the internet café, there I stumbled and saw mature content.
I now decided to have internet independent of the yeshiva, with a filter, and not to go to place where no one can see me with the internet.

Welcome!!! It's great that you are here!!!

What are your struggles? What was it that you tried?

KOP(osting)

and KOT!!!

I tried taphsic and filters. The struggles are p* and hz"l. The filters did not help as sometimes I did not have my notebook and I needed internet, so it was unfiltered. The taphsic method did not help as sometimes I did not remember the shvue.
Now I have additionally a sponsor.

Great, so are you working the steps?

I am actually working the GYE handbook and not the 12 steps. Or you could say I am working the beginning of the 12 steps, i.e. step one. I find it very helpful to help someone to talk to, even when not (yet?) working the 12 steps. Today is day three. I had a solid seder today and also some exercise, b"H also the psychotherapy I started a while ago seems to be helpful.

Gevaldig!!!

Yup, speaking to someone is a massive help, KUTGW!!!!!!

Gevaldig!

Speaking to someone who is listening is even better. This is the case. Today is day six.

B"H, after a long while I reached one complete week. Even though I feel weak. I am starting to feel a bit happiness entering.
I am unfortunately, still suffering from depression, I am now in therapy, but I might consider taking medications if things will not get better. The idea of taking prescribed anti-depressants is a bit daunting, to be honest.

It is ultimately a doctor's decision regarding whether or not you need medication. If it is prescribed to you, take it. Why worry?

Yes, you are of course right, I wrote about my feelings of being worried, there is no rational reason. Thank you Skeptical.By the way, today is day 10.

Thank you GYE chevre,

Today is day 14. B"H. As far as the depression is concerned the therapy seems to help a bit as we found one possible reason in early childhood. It would seem that p* and hz"l are ways to fill the hole created by a traumatic experience in early childhood. I am now crying almost everyday, but this feeling is much better than the feeling of emptiness or the feeling of acute pain that needs to be alleviated, guess how, sweet p*, fantasy, hz"l and immediately I went to the kissei hakovod.
I wrote this all to share, I hope to get again chizuk and advice as I got till now.


Have a wonderful woch.