Hi all,

I struggle with addiction to pornography and masturbation.
I'ts been that way for a while.

I have never really been sober for more than a month, twice. (a few years ago). When I'm doing well, I slip once a week.

I'm currently in my early 20's,between 23 and 25.

After a rough Elul, I decided to join SA, which has been a real learning curve.
It's quite intense, and requires real commitment, which is hard, especially when my mind is always telling me that I'm fine, and I shouldn't be taking all this so seriously.

Though whenever I slip, I'm repulsed by my actions, and scared by the force with which this addiction pulls me in. I realize the importance of dealing with this.

Being in the chapter of Shidduchim, doesn't help either. Alot of my friends are dating, engaged or married. I've put all shidduchim on hold until I have a bit more stability in this area.

My sponsor in SA, a veteran of GYE, told me I should join the 90 day chart, saying that it really helped him. So here I am.

I hope! to post daily, I feel like it will definitely give me that extra push that I need.

So here goes Day 0.

I slipped today.

I had to wake up early and drive to the place where I work.
When everyone left at midday, I was left alone in the office, I was really tired, and had no interest in really doing anything productive. I knew going on, that just being in the office by myself alone was unsafe, considering there are two computers there without filters.A thought popped into my mind that it would be really nice to look at p**n. I was thinking of just getting in the car and driving, but I felt this strong pull, to stay and forget about it. I could think of nothing more enjoyable and calming than watching p**n. I sat by the computer and started typing, and the rest was history. I wasted three hours, davened late, missed mincha. And I mamesh feel like s**t.

Thats all for today folks
Net

Welcome Net12!!!

It's great that you're ready to do what it takes!!

What are you learning in SA? What tools are you learning?

As for the fall (I think that's what watching porn is called here, a slip is less than explicit porn), Fell Shmell, try figuring our what you can do next time that you are tired and alone. Like, did you know you'd be alone? if yes, then call someone before that situation arises, or before that situation has potential to arise, and ask him to be in touch with you.

Start your engines, post away, and KOT!!!!!

Hi Guys

So Im on Day 5 now.

Really struggling though.

Ive been feeling really skwirmish the past few days, I hate the cold, I spent quite a few hours yesterday in bed, went to the ohel though. Was nice....

I went driving last night looking for food, I was staying at a friends house in brooklyn over the weekend, and I hate eating in other peoples houses, especially when I don't like the food. My car started having issues, and pretty much broke down.

This morning I had to call a tow truck, and I've spent the whole day waiting, I have all this work to do that I'm behind on, I could technichally do it now, but i so cant be bothered, Im just annoyed that my plans were derailed. And now I have to worry about the car.

I really want to go and look at porn to forget about all my worries, it will really just create new ones though.

So yeh, I pray that G-d keeps me sober today. Just today, with all the annoyances, grievances, laziness and lack of accomplishment that goes along with today. PLEASE help me accept that which I cannot change, please give me the strength and willingness to work the things that I can change. I think I have the wisdom today to know a little bit of the difference, but nonetheless, may i have that too?

Pleeeeeease.....

Cheers

The yetzer hara loves to attack when we are isolated and feel like there is nothing else to do. I remember the last time I fell I was also alone(this time in my house) and I thought "go ahead no one is looking" and typed away. The best tip I can give in those situations is to try and keep your mind occupied on something else. If you are in the office and don't feel like working (although working would definitely help keep your mind occupied ), try playing online games like Sudoku or chess. Obviously it doesn't work all the time but in most situations it can really help. Hashem doesn't give us challenges that we can win. I hope that helps and you'll be happy once you've got a winning streak going!

Hi Net, hang in there. Tomorrow is a brand new day, full of fresh opportunity. Daven for the ability to start fresh, free of the disappointments of the past.

Oh yeah, and forget about the car, get a Monstuh Truck!!!