After a long, terrible streak of falls the past few months, i've returned. kinda embarrasing actually. I just broke up with a GF after many months. been incredibly difficult the past week and a half. Suprisingly, inspired by the relationship, i've been clean the past 11 days - a long shot from my old habbits. it's already a miracle i've made it this far without any slips.

my game plan is taphsic, foruming, chizuk emails, k9 filter and trying to find direction in my life. my life has basically gone to the trash. i'm not finding meaning and feel incredibly distant from G_d due (primarily for intellectual reasons). I'm turning away from all that garbage and trying to find a relationship with Him again that I can be proud of. I'm studying for MCAT these days and am pretty stressed out. Have been using the internet as my escape for many months, which has caused me to push off the test and feel even worse about myself and need further fix to escape.

so here I am, trying to find myself. looking for friends. trying to stay busy after this breakup. took time to mourn and now deleted all pics, letters and stopped correspondence. I'm actually diagnosed with obsessive thinking so leaving this all behind has been tough. GOnna need lots of support in the coming weeks. Hope to make integrate back into the community here.

Welcome back!!!

I wasn't here when you were, so it's great meeting you!!

Have you spoken to anyone about your struggles?

WELCOME back! GYE is a great place to start or re-start.

Feeling distant from G-d is almost never for intellectual reasons. It is much more likely to be related to your acting out.

לא תתורו אחרי לבבכם - זו מינות - Do not stray after your heart - this refers to heresy.

Why is heresy referred to as following your heart? Shouldn't it say - don't follow your mind? Isn't it the mind that causes one to stray?!?

Nope. A person's heart, his desires, cause him to stray. The mind just finds the rationalization for it afterwards. It seems to start in the mind, but it actually starts in the heart.

Keep on posting.

Hi confidence. When you say you are back after a bad streak...what do you mean by, 'back'? Were you here and posting under a different username? Or not posting, but reading the forum?

Just trying to get clarity, thanks.