I began using the 90 day chart well over a year ago, but I gave up because it wasn't working and it was too depressing to keep starting from fresh over and over again.
But I would like to give it a shot again. Right now is 15 days, and I would like to keep this going. PLEASE! Any advice?

When i first came here all i did was the 90 day chart and it helped me for a little while (first 2 weeks then a month if i'm remembering right) but eventually it stopped working.The 90 day chart is probably not going to help on it's own though some people do find it very helpful when used together with other tools.
Unless you are addicted (in which case you might need more than just these things) then what you need is a plan to help you avoid the fight to begin with.This means filters, gedarim, and of course shmiras einaim.
But chances are that even with all these preventive measures you still might end up thinking of things that you shouldn't be.For this you need a way to fight the thought right at the beginning where it's easiest.
Also the 90 day chart might be counterproductive for you as it is for some others (i personally find it helpful) as it causes them to start focusing too much on the battle and not let them just forget about this thing besides when it's necessary (when we're planning gedarim or fighting the actual battle)

inastruggle wrote:


I am definitely doing other things, not just the 90 days chart. I am reading the Attitude handbook now. I am also trying to become active on these forums. But please explain - I don't understand - isn't it a good thing to keep this battle at the forefront of my brain? I don't want to forget about it, do I? I want to remember that I am addicted and that I have a problem, and that it will take work for me to recover. I feel like if I forget about it, I will just act out again... Please explain...

I think he means that if you focus constantly on the battle, you will end up (some of the time) letting thoughts enter your mind, for that is a nature of a battle; two sides, some win, some lose. just live life with your fences, and of course, if the battle is brought to you, gird yourself, bear arms, and fight on!

bhatzlachah

Exactly.
Just to elaborate a bit more.
By constantly thinking about it you cause the whole issue to be in front of your mind.For most people, we can just forget about it until there's a trigger that causes us to think about it.(Triggers can be a pretty girl walking by, an advertisement, or just being bored.)

If we just try not to think about it as much as possible then the whole battle is easier simply because a)we aren't fighting it all the time and therefore have more strength to fight when need be.This doesn't mean that we shouldn't plan out our strategy on fighting it.We should plan it out and then use it when necessary.

Imagine if a person on a diet walked around thinking about what they can't eat that day.They would go crazy and probably eventually give up due to the heavy weight of the battle.The right thing to do is just to plan out their menu in advance and then eat it and that's that.

Same thing with lust, going around and thinking "I can't think this" all day is going to cause us to think about it and make us fight even more.Just plan out our battle plan and use it when necessary.

I hope that was clear, if not then please ask again.

KUTGW

inastruggle wrote:


Thanks for the mashal, and nice play on words. I understand what you mean. It's a difficult balance, because I don't have my "menu" written up yet. And I get the feeling that it takes some time to commit my menu to memory. I am currently reading through the attitude handbook, and there is a lot there. I hope to go through it, and review it. I hope that soon enough, I will have written up my menu and will have internalized the messages so that I can have an army of techniques on my side. I guess at that point, I will be able to let this whole thing rest in the back of my brain. But at this point, I still don't know how to deal with this fully.
Do you disagree with my thoughts? Do you understand what I mean? Please share your feedback

I didn't intend the wordplay but it is pretty funny.

I do understand what you mean about there being a lot to learn.I suppose the answer is to learn it while you're learning it (aka while you're on gye) and to forget about it while you're living life.

About the army of techniques, I don't think you really need so many.You need prevention for before the fight (aka filters and shmiras einaim) then a tool for the fight (surrendering it to hashem, or my favorite the blow it up method) then maybe a tool for if it gets past that tool (like a taphsic or the 90 day chart).

Even if these help there still is a lot to learn by reading the attitudes since that is how we keep ourselves motivated and how we learn to view the whole battle.

If you're an addict then this probably won't be enough and you should probably try the 12 steps which are a whole nother ballgame.

In conclusion:stick around there's a lot to learn but for when you're not here you should find just one or two techniques that work for you and use them when necessary.

waddya think?

If you feel really weak, call a friend. If you can't call a GYE friend, just call someone to say hello, like your mother. Do something to get out of your own head.

gibbor120 wrote:


or even your shvigger!