ROCKIN' AND ROLLIN'!!!!

KUTGW!!!

Zayir shein.

woooooooooohoooooooooooooooo



KUTGW! ad tishim v'yoser

Hi, after a fall this morning, I realized that I have been doing this all wrong. My attitude was, that if lust hits you like a fastball, catch it with a little give. Meaning, I was giving in all the time to my lusts. A little here and a little there. I even fell according to the rules many times, and still didn't count it as a fall, because all I was doing was giving a little.
This morning I was given a klop over the head by a fellow OINK member, and realized that my attitude was totally off the mark. We have been talking about "raising the bottom" and I would say to myself, "I don't need to raise the bottom, my wife knows, and is making me crazy, I KNOW I have to stop" but really, that isn't the bottom we were talking about, its not the bottom of c"v getting fired or other situational things, its really raising the bottom of what we think is bad. I used to think that HZ"L was a fall and anything beneath that is just a test/slip whatever you want to call it. But then I realized (on my own, the fellow OINK member just made me think) that every time I give in to lust, I am in essence falling.
An example of raising the bottom would be laying with my wife. Its muttar, in fact, it should be done. But if I do it just to feed my lusts and hopefully "get some", especially when i know she aint in the mood, that's wrong. And even though its not considered a "fall" according to the rules, I'm still failing tremendously at becoming a better person.

So, being that my count was, I said before, at times very untruthful, I would like a reset. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Its day 0, and I have hade 0 clean days.
No more taking a peak, no more finishing that story ("i only have 2 pages left anyway..."). Im done with that. I cant keep fooling myself into thinking that I'm getting better and then every afternoon when i lay down, start lusting again...

So here goes
I sent this as a email to Guard, i hope he responds and he resets my total clean day count to ZERO, because thats what it really was....

Peace out y'all, im off to figure myself out

Bulls eye!!

this i know
lust is a magnet
it will shlep you from step 1 to 60 faster than a lambrogine (hu? insult to the car)
do i look at women outside? yes
when i was with 500 or 5000 women over weekend, do i look at their shapes? yes
do i touch myself? no!
do i search on comp for anything? no!
whats the diff?
in middle of road, i cant really do much
in front of comp, my pants can drop in an instant
i cannot email/respond to my woman (ex) friend, even about the weather
i am ranting
when i rant, i get excited; my fingers pound the keyboard

now im not tellin you or anyone to look at women
but i am tellin you that do not put yourself or allow yourself to be in a position which can lead to falling

sadly, and this is to me as well, pressing into wife is dangerous

this has happened countless of times in my marriage
and my wife would say, "she's sorry," and i wouldn't say much, but to me, "Who da blank cares?" i do that downstairs anyway! at least here it was with wife

now that im sick of being sick, i am trying, and the last week struggling, with this

conclusion: think beforehand. is what i am about to do dangerous to my sobriety? each person has a different level. some should not look at women's shoes or nails. actually, all shouldn't. but in your living healthy days, stay as far away from anything which can lead to disaster...hz"l disaster? maybe yes, maybe no (its very very not good), but the real disaster is that youre not in control of your life, and that is where we wanna be.

most of this post started between me and lizhensk. i am talking mainly to myself.

b'hatzlachah to us all

KUTGW!!!

you gonna doit.

We all gonna doit

all together, we can learn how to deal with this!!

Lizhensk and Cordnoy, you guys are real inspirations!!

KUTGW!!

cordnoy


I find that the fall doesn't start when we sit down at the computer.

The fall starts when we allow our minds to be occupied with women, sex and past experiences.

We may not feel it at the time. We may not feel aroused or have the urge to touch ourselves. We may tell ourselves we can handle it, because see? there are no consequences - BUT these thoughts tend to grow over time until they take over the mind and then we feel like we MUST act on them.

We need to catch ourselves when we find ourselves looking at women. Once we realize what we are doing, we must look away and tell ourselves that we can live without another look.

We need to catch ourselves when an improper thought comes to mind and blow it up or think about something else, telling ourselves that we can live just fine without thinking about it further.

Hatzlacha!

Skeptical;

In the big scope of things, you are probably more right than I

that is why I concluded with: conclusion: think beforehand. is what i am about to do dangerous to my sobriety? each person has a different level. some should not look at women's shoes or nails. actually, all shouldn't. but in your living healthy days, stay as far away from anything which can lead to disaster...hz"l disaster? maybe yes, maybe no (its very very not good), but the real disaster is that youre not in control of your life, and that is where we wanna be.

I will just add that the bit of danger in your method is that it is extremely difficult, and if one does not succeed, he can become dejected, which leads to eventual acting out. What I am suggesting is easier, not easy, but ultimately, each person needs to judge himself.

conclusion again: try what skeptical suggested; especially the "blowing up" method...if it works, continue; if not, try something else; and please keep in mind some profound words that skeptical wrote elsewhere: but from introspection this is what I have found, The complacency is telling myself that I am managing when I take in the sights and don't feel a need to "act out." But really those are just the seeds and I may not feel the urges today, next week or even next month, but they do grow and mushroom
b'hatzlachah to all

The most important thing is Awareness.

Believe me, I've been there. Sometimes I still am.

My name says it all.

When I first came to this site, people who seemed to go overboard with Shmiras Einayim drove me up the wall. They seemed so extreme (and sometimes still do!) "People aren't supposed to walk around with their eyes shut!! This is ridiculous!!"

But once I became aware of what I was doing - once I realized that I was looking at women as things to enjoy and not as people - and I started telling myself that I can and should look away, I will not die, it started to make things easier. We may not succeed in not looking every time, but being aware of where are thoughts are going and starting to take back control of our minds, it becomes a lot easier.

for the past 90 minutes i'm sitting on an egged bus on the way to netanya. for the first 40 I was standing next to women (needless to say they were not dresed as bnos yisroel). by the grace of the Eternal One I was shomer einayim. he will help me for the rest of the day®

ok tz, this "o""r" business is getting out of hand, what's it for anyway?

tehillimzugger


Pidaini


Maybe it's an attempt to keep him from getting quoted.

So, my first day in my new life, is so far going good.
This morning, i woke up early, at around 5:30, and i usually get out of bed at 6:15. I was laying there and was about to do something, actually, without thinking, i already was doing something . About 3 seconds in, i realized what i was doing, and told myself "this happened in my old life, not my new one" and then rolled onto my side and fell asleep for another 45 minutes, untilt that annoying alarm clock started ringing.

Then, after shacharis, i came home, an my wife usually likes when i lay next to her, but i was only doing it for her, so i asked her, and she said yes, so i laid next to her, but i made sure not to get too involved (if this is too explicit for the bochurim, edit it, dont move it to the BB forum please). That worked tremendously, and my wife said she liked it cuz she was able to sleep better.

beautiful
"eizeh yofi"
im so excited!!! (and i just can't hide it!! p.s.)

don't squeeze too hard for her sake
remember this is "affectionate touch"

that means you want (ahem) nothing in return

that's why women like flowers, cut and in a vase
they don't like potted plants
flowers in a vase need no nourishment
they don't have to do NOTHIN' (as Schultz used to say)

she wants to be touched, doted over, and as of now, she doesn't wanna return, or doesn't know how, or like in my case, she would, but then i would expect more, and that she doesn't want.

keep it up

we rootin' for you!

[hope everyone reads skeptical's posts above; they could be life changin'!] (i not referring to his good joke about tz bein quoted)