Well I'm finally starting my very own thread, I had a few on "Introduce yourself"
I'm the guy who didn't want to admit he was an addict, and maybe I'm not, but after reading around here and reading Rabbi Twerski's definitions, I may have been more addicted than I thought. There was never any M*** well at least since after my wedding some 18 years ago, (apart from one isolated incident) but plenty of searching online mainly for mainstream movies with inappropriate/P*** scenes, and this went on for years...
Well I logged in and have not had a fall and up to 125 days!! Since 90, I haven't really been counting.
Had plenty of slips along the way, and near falls, one tonight I had the opportunity of going to an empty house, and surf a multi channel TV, but didn't.
What helped me was a recording of Uri in the park, it was on a chizzuk email, how he could have gone round to a girl friend, but went to the park with his guitar.
My situation was a bit different but hey, Nekudas HaBechira and all that.
Also my shmiras enayim has improved on my local streets, but I wasn't ready for a family trip to a big park,on a warm day, and wasn't as good as I could have been.

One thing I've not been able to do is keep of the movies completely, obviously I seen no P*** ones, and I've watched loads less during my 125 days, but not been able to stop.

By the way Why has this category's name changed to On the way?? From Wall of Honor?

Look what they made just for you:
http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/41-Wall-of-honour-for-man
Hurry up and you can be first!!

Things have been up and down for me,
I have been dipping into the movies again, PG's and 12's, so they are pretty O.K, but they are still my escape from reality.
I recognise that although my 'drug of choice' maybe have been the P*** movies, but all along I needed that escape. It wasn't the lust that was the problem, there are some underlying insecurities.
I turned to another drug of choice the other day, - a pack of Marlboro's
But BH I haven't surfed for any porn, or looked for a dirty you tube clip.
Shmiras Enayim is up and down, now that it is nice and warm, with all the chizuk emails, I still need to catch myself.
I think my biggest slip was just now when I came on line, there was a revealing picture o a celeb, on my home page, I looked for three seconds then turned it off.
I need to change my home page, at the moment it's the MSN home page. I like to see a little of the major news, can someone suggest a different one, and how to change it.

I actually had msn k9 blocked by my k9 filter because I didn't like ghat site.

Make vbm-torah.org your homepage, or google. if you are using chrome, it should be in settings. if it is firefox or Internet explorer, it should be in the options tab somewhere. (Google Chrome is a much better browser )

Yashir koach on finding out the root cause of lust! Now you are equipped to deal with the real issue

israel613120 wrote:


Kol Mevaser
Vosiznaes
Yeshiva World
Hamodia
Yated
Der Yid
Blatt
Tzeitung
Jewish Press
(Mikva, Kaveh shteeble)
etc.

guardyoureyes.com

someone told me it's a good site.
NO i don't know what it is, someone just told me it's a good site.

inastruggle wrote:

I thought that was the default home page in Google Chrome.

O.K
I've not posted for a day or two. Here's where I'm at.
I have had a stressful week, which is now B'H over, Last night I didn't fall, but I did feel that need to escape, I watched a Movie, not just to relax a little but to escape. In the past it may have been a porn movie or such like, but this was seemingly an innocent one (a 12) but it did have the 'Hollywood pre requisite splattering of Shmutz and innuendo, ok it was only a 12, but it still had that little bit of nudity, which though not technically a fall, it was mere few seconds, I still feel bad about it. For the following reasons;
1. It has kind of broken my clean run, (I am not resetting the 90 days, as we are taking seconds here and it was unintentional)
2. I have used the tools here at GYE, to stop watching porn, and have improved in ways I thought not possible, but I have done nothing to address the issues of why I was turning to porn as an escape in the first place, like the lack of self esteem, and insecurities. Very similar to needtoquit in his My days thread.
I too could have written the same, and as you see have trouble wid da movies.
But truth is I never came on GYE to address those things in my personality which turned me to Porn. I only came on to get rid of the Porn, which I am doing. However its a bit like treating the symptoms without treating the illness.
But here are my view's once again, for a full blown addict, whose reached bottom, or near to, he's got to treat the underlying baggage their is no choice. But for a guy with a healthy Y H who turns to Porn when he feels down from time to time, can he just use what he finds on GYE to help him stay clean, without going the whole personality change? (is this what MT on some other thread was suggesting)
Truth is and I know I'm right, it's too scary a prospect to have to do a whole personality makeover, if I delve I don't know what i'll find. It's also a lot easier to do what I'm doing to stay clean with addressing the underlying stuff, that feels loads easier.
Not decided what my next move is, just that I do want to/ must stay clean.

Who said that you need a whole personality change? Small steps go a long way.

If you have issues with self-esteem and insecurities, wouldn't you want to adress them just so you can live a happier life?

israel613120 wrote:


Disclaimer: MT is not really a reliable source. He is here because he suffers (more or less) from the same disease as other GYE'ers. He is by no means a qualified therapist, nor is he a qualified Rabbi. He simply shares what works for him and what might be worth a try for others.

Having said that: I think there are certain people who can use what they finds on GYE to help them stay clean, without going the whole personality change. BUT I think that it will only work if they "stay clean" of all lust. That means staying away from movies, or pictures, or real-life images, or chats, or fantasies, of anything that could arouse you. If you are lusting, no matter in what form or shape, you will get sucked in deeper and deeper... But if you commit yourself to avoid all forms of lusting, you stand a chance of staying clean.

Hatzlacha

MT

See, I don't know why you wouldn't want to deal with it.

Ultimately, it's up to you. You could use other vehicles to escape your problems, and be a so-called "dry drunk". Whatever you want to do. Stay clean--that's number 1. If you aren't comfortable, you can wait a few months and then try effecting personality changes when you are clean. If that doesn't work, then you know that you need to tackle it all.

Personally, I'm doing much better now emotionally than I was a few months ago. Who wouldn't want to start living? That's what this whole thing is about anyway.

But there also aren't any "rules" for recovery. It's ultimately your life and it's up to you. Do I recommend addressing your issues? Yes. It is daunting, but you only need to go one day at a time. Discuss them with another person. Open up. Do you "have to" to recover from this issue? Perhaps. It's your life, and do what you think will make you happy and become a better eved Hashem.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

israel613120 wrote:

Funny because I was thinking the same thing as I read your post, including the part about the reason for my coming to GYE.

israel613120 wrote:

You are absolutely right, someone who isn't an addict doesn't need to change themselves, only their actions. However, think if that makes sense and is a good idea. I posted in my thread about a series of The Shmuz which I recently was listening to, #143, #144, & #145 which are about "Stages of Change." In it he discussed how someone (I think he said the Vilna Goan) says the purpose of life is to change ourselves, because if not why should we have life. He says that the 12-steps are a way for us to accomplish change and he wishes they had a 12-step program for everything. Also see my new post about my email conversation with Rabbi Shaifer.

Rabbi Twerski said something very similar on recent phone conference. Chizuk email #668 included this recording.

Thanks for your time to reply, very busy at the moment, but I'm still here

israel613120 wrote:

No problem. I just hope that even though you're not spending so much time here (unlike those of us who are addicted to the forum), your still working on this.

Don't worry about me, just do what you need to do and I hope to still be here when things slow down for you.

Hatzlacha,
NeedToQuit

O.K truth time, I had a fall or a series of small falls, I was away on holiday in a cottage with a TV.
I'm not ready to put myself in that type of Nisayon, I don't know if I'll ever be safe with access to a TV 'on my own' probably not.
If I took the filters off my computer, (got them taken off by TAG) I'd most likely fall too.
It really was inevitable that this would happen, it was the movies and tv which was my downfall.
I'm upset that I've had over 180 clean, and I feel like I'm starting all over again, which I will.
I was not in my own home environment and I feel safer at home, glad to home.
I'm rambling but this is my thread.
Any words of Musser or encouragement will be gratefully accepted.
My first problem was going away somewhere where there was a tv, then not making myself ant sort of Gedarim.
Well I'll just start over and try to be even cleaner.
I hope the gains I've made with my wife will also not fall down.