So since there's no wall of shame, I'll post on the Wall of Honor. Okay, so honored since I made it to 77 clean days, B"H!!! But then, after feeling great for over two months, I slipped last night. I told myself, or rather my dark shadow told me - just have a quick look, it's not going to hurt you. You've been strong 77 days now. Why would you slip now? And so I looked. And I couldn't stop looking, and I told myself, don't worry, you're not going to actually mz"l, you're just looking. And that was it. I felt worse afterwards than I think I've ever felt after acting out, because here I was, feeling great for so many days, thinking that my acting out was a thing of the past. I really, really thought and hoped I would get to 90 days.

So, I've started again. And, B"H, this time I'm going to make it!

I just read Principle #24-30 of the attitude handbook.
Wow. What a great chizuk for me. Thank you, whoever wrote it and GYE in general. After shedding some tears and going to the mikva, I'm ready to get back up and charge into battle. It's comforting to know that I'm surrounded by so many brave and strong fellow soldiers. :-)

KOMT!
here for getting up
hatzlacha

Thanks. Inspiring what you wrote
i used to look back all the time saying "oh no! what have i done! Hashem help me erase the past." and i never heard a response.
finally i started looking forward saying "Hashem i'm leaving the past to you and i'm forgetting all about it. help me have a good future. help me from here and on be the person You want me to be." and that's where i realized Hashem had been waiting to help me all along

What is KOMT?

Keep On Monster Trucking!

Aha.

Keep on Monster Trucking!!

That's all we have, we can't change the past, but we can make it a learning experience instead of just a disappoinment.

So KOT KOMT!!! and as you said we are all in this together!!

Its important to remember the past, otherwise i'll deprive myself the ooportunity to learn where i went wrong.

I used to say "let's forget the past, now we're srarting on a clean slate...".

I think the real reason i wanted to forget the past is because it was too painful to remember it so i created a mental block around it.

After i had my last fall my SA sponsor told me to write what happened. I hated doing it. It was like having to throw up again.

But i did it, because i am committed to doing whatever my sponsor tells me to do.

And the result was that i was able to see very clearly where i went wrong, and what to avoid in the future.

I cannot carry the past as a burden on my back, it is too heavy. I give that to Hashem to carry for me. But it important to remember what happened, and not try to erase it from my memory.

to clarify whats written as my signature, its not about trying to forget my past its about what my responsibilities are and concentrating on what i can do from here on and that only involves my future actions.

Hi Yitzhar,

I once had over 200 days and then fell. I felt awful. I wondered many times if I should even bother fighting it. B"H many years later (about 20), and many lost battles later (too many to count), I am clean for almost 4 years. It's almost hard for me to beleive it as I write it, but it's true.

Never EVER give up. There is always hope.

owo Yitzhar, I feel your pain, we all know what you're going though,

I tried one clean day,and the next day I failed. but you know, how much you fail,that clean day would never be erased,
Hasham is very proud of your 77 clean days, he'll keep in his safe box, just keep adding and look how much clean days you have,
Hasham is hear to help, he'll help you to keep it up,

A Lot Of Haztlcha!!

L2G