Thanks for the vort and for sharing the good news
kol hakavod!
KUTGW

Level 3 on the chart!!! Over 15 days Bechasdei Hashem! This is my 3rd longest streak ever! Interestingly enough, my 2nd longest was 45 days and my longest 66- a bit of a gap!
Anyway, I've found a new tactic for shemiras einayim when I'm in the street. B'H, I've been blessed with short-sightedness, and I have pretty strong glasses. So, it's a hot day, and there's loads of pritzus around, and all i need to do is take my glasses off, and if you combine that with looking down, my eyes will stay a lot cleaner than they would otherwise. I tried it for the first time today on the way home from somewhere. I was a bit hesitant to try it, but I used it for the last bit of my walk, and, lo and behold, it worked! Thank You so much for that idea Hashem!

Over 16 days clean! I've got this weird new thing though- it's almst like I want to want to fall. I don't actually want to, but I almost wish I wanted to...
Anyone have any idea what that's about?

i think so. i dont know if its exactly what youre referring to but ive gotten the feeling that i wanted to act out. i didnt let myself go but i wanted to. thats when i need to daven the most

I don't think so. I don't want to act out at the moment, it's just that I have some sort of feeling that I wish I wanted to, and then I could do it...
Maybe it's because I'm stressed- exams in a week and a half, and I'm really really worried that I'm going to do badly...

I've had a similar feeling before. I don't know if this is true for you, but for me, I wanted to face the test of wanting to act out because I wanted to get the chance to overcome the yetzer hara head on. I felt that if I did that, I would know that I was "cured," and I wouldn't have to worry any more, and I would be cleansed of my sins once and for all. This was a dangerous state of mind for me, and it did not end well.

A few things I learned at GYE helped me approach this problem in a different way. For one thing, it is never good to ask for tests. We get plenty of tests and opportunities to grow without asking for them. For me, I think when I would ask for tests (explicitly or just by hoping for them), what I really wanted was to demonstrate my personal strength and greatness. This motivation was actually opposed to what we should really be aiming for here, which is to come close to Hashem. I have been learning to give up the desire to demonstrate my personal strength, and admit that I am powerless without Hashem. That is a big part of what I think it means to "surrender." Instead of trying to fight the Yetzer hara head on, I try to daven to Hashem and say, "Please save me from my Yetzer Hara. I want to continue coming closer to you!" Ironically,
I feel better about myself when I do that then when I have overcome my Yetzer Hara head on (which is a very rare occasion).

Another point I've learned is to take it one day at a time. When we think of the rest of our entire lives, which, IY"H should be very long, we might feel that the task of staying sober is impossible. We may want to try to defeat the Yetzer hara right now once and for all, so as to avoid a lifetime of fighting. But this thought is a tactic of the Yetzer hara himself. Seeking out tests only makes it more difficult in the future. All we can do right now is live RIGHT NOW!

Perhaps the desire to face tests inorder to show our greatness is a misdirected desire to come closer to Hashem. If that is the case, it might help us to try to channel that energy into something that will fill us with positivity. As the saying goes, "don't love something that won't love you back." Find a productive way to express your desire: Chesed projects, making new friends or really connecting with people, giving to your friends and family, studying hard, learning torah...

Thanks, SD! I have had that before, but this is something different- I want the test, but I want to fail it. Anyway, the feelings gone now, and IYH it won't come back...

syataDshmaya wrote:
If I could add... to "humble" ourselves before him. Humility is the ticket outa this mess. Humbly accept HIS will, rather than trying to force MY will on Him (and other people).

I'm feeling a bit weak... I was sitting at my desk at home doing my geography revision (large yawn) when some images suddenly popped up in my mind. I caught myself after about a minute, but the yetzer hara's found an opening into me now and he's not letting go... I'm feeling extremely stressed at the moment as well, and the possibility of releasing that stress through m*** appears ever tempting. I learnt by now that if I sit there just going "I'm not going to fall! I'm not going to fall! I'm not going to fall!" I'll have fallen within about 45 minutes absolute maximum. Instead, I have to step away from the battle. Except how do I do that when I can't leave the house (it's currently nearly 11PM in the UK), and the images aren't on a screen in front of me where I can stop looking, they're in my head. They're not just made up images either (which I'm quite good at conjuring, unfortunately), they're genuine, bona fide memories... So how do I 'step away from the battle?'

Calmness is key. Think about having a calm reltionship with hashem. the idea is not to be perfect with him.

its to have a calm relationship with him, and by not being calm and trusting in him to maintain that relationship, you distance yourself from him.

Also, think about all of the beautiful gifts hashem gives you in life.
Start making a mental or written list and dont stop until your love of hashem for being so kind to you exceeds your lust/temptations of that moment.
If you can't come to these thoughts on your own, then open Mesilat Yesharim and Read the beginning of Chapter 8 'Acquiring Zerizut': "Omnam...Mitzvotav.
He basically presents that idea crystal clear in the context of the middah of zerizut. Work on that idea, think about that idea.

No one said having a real relationship with hashem is easy, but its for you to determine if its 100% worth it to you Hatzlachah! You've made significant progress

Thank you for posting Zvi,

I think Broadlife's advice is great! Also, literally verbally speaking to Hashem, and asking him to help may help as well. These are times when you have a special opportunity to open your heart to Hashem.

Thank you gibbor120. It's interesting to me that the word humility slipped my mind as I was writing. It's tuff even to say, kal vchomer to do. I have to work on admitting to myself that Hashem's way is the best way when I'm feeling challenged.

Thanks broadlife. Calmness... yes, that is something I need to work on. I'm always stressing and panicking about everything- I'm the sort of person who gets stressed if he misses Borchu at ma'ariv.
Anyway, Bechasdei Hashem I'm still clean! For over 19 days!
A vort for Shabbos: (which is actually related to the parsha, unlike the last 3 weeks...)
I heard the following from one of my Rebbeim this morning: In this week's sedra, we have the mitzva of Shemita. To let the land rest every 7 years. This actually could be seen to have a logical basis to it. It is good for land to be allowed to rest every few years, in order to get its nutrients back. However, if a human being were writing the torah, he would put it on a rotatory basis. In the first year, the shevatim of Reuven and Shimon don't work their land. In the second year, the next two tribes, and so on. This way, there will always produce and food for everyone to eat. However, the torah doesn't do that. It says that in the 7th year, EVERYONE should rest, and Hashem will ensure that there is enough for everyone. This, say the Chasam Sofer and the מהרי"א, is proof not only that Hashem wrote the Torah, but that HE RUNS THE WORLD AT EVERY SECOND. He is able to promise that despite no one in the entire country working the land, no one will starve.
Chances are that there is no one on here who, at some point, has not felt disheartened, and thought that surely Hashem doesn't care for me. Who am I anyway? A ba'al taiva and ba'al aveirah? But NO, my friends, we're WRONG. Hashem loves us at every second, and He is always waiting for us to turn to Him, and say "Hashem! I need You! I can't do this any more!
Internalise this, and know it! Have an incredible Shabbos!

zvi wrote:

Check this out: this guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-Wall-of-Honor/115354-Home-of-Gibbor120?limit=15&start=60#118862

and this: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-Wall-of-Honor/115354-Home-of-Gibbor120?limit=15&start=60#118861

zvi wrote:

You might want to check out the dr sorotzkin link in my signature. He has some great articles and audio on perfectionism and acting out too.

It helped me to learn to "let go". Let Hashem run the world. I don't have to be in control of everything. I just have to deal with the hand Hashem deals to me (so to speak).

Have a great Shabbos!

Thank you for the link to Dr. Sorotzkin. It's really wonderful

Nearly 22 days clean, on the sefira of yesod sheb'yesod! B'H!
Question for the oylam, which I've been thinking about for a while. A couple of times on the forum, I've seen the idea that you're either addicted, or your not. There's no in between. But why not? Why can't someone be addicted to a lesser extent than someone else? Probably everyone on here is addicted to a certain extent- that's why we can't stop. However, not everyone on here needs the 12 steps. So why can't you have a 'mild addiction'?