I am a teenager, aged 16 years old. Since I was 12, I have had lust-related problems. As I have got older, the problems have got worse. It started off with the odd thing, here and there- I was only 12, so I didn't really know what I was doing. I vaguely knew I shouldn't be doing what I was, but it didn't interfere with my life much. As I got older, and I started to find out what I was doing, and the severity of the Aveiros, my 'little problem' developed into an addiction. For the past 2 1/2 years, I have been acting out on a regular basis (at least once a week). Then, finally, I had a clean streak. A proper clean streak. For 66 days. But then it came back. I didn't even see it coming. All I knew was that I was on the computer, doing some school work, and then suddenly I was looking at images that I shouldn't be looking at, and before I could stop myself, I had been motzei zera levatala. Again. That was two months ago. After that, I lasted 14 days, but then it was over. I was doing the aveiros again, but on a much greater level than before. As it stands now, I'm only keeping myself clean for between 1-3 days at a time. Two nights ago, I acted out twice. I was depressed, angry with myself, and- unfortunately- angry with Hashem. How could He do this to me? Didn't he see that I wanted to stop? That I wanted to be close to Him? Anyway, the next day (i.e yesterday), I joined GYE. I'm currently on my second day clean, B'chasdei Hashem. But it's not going to be easy...

Zvi I love you. You reflect the feelings of most young boys today. What makes you different is your amazing ability to stand up and fight for what you know is right, and what you know will help you for the future. So many of us have hidden the problem away for years but it takes a heck of a lot of courage to get up and announce to the world your problem and cry out for a helping hand. May Hashem be with all the way through this journey.

B' Ahava.
SED

So on to day 3. Baruch Hashem, I haven't had an serious taivos so far. It's funny like that- I get periods where my Yetzer Hara overwhelms me, and there's nothing I can do. Then, I get periods like this, where I get no taivos at all. In my stretch of 66 days clean, I was barely tested. Then, when I fell, all of the previous problems came back. Anyone know why that is?

very possibly because the yetzer harah is lulling you into a false sense of security, and he lets you stay clean for so long to make you even more depressed when you fall. (i think i have this beat )
the trick is to be on guard even when it's going good, just thank hashem and keep guarding yourself
hatzlacha

(funny, i also haven't had the urge the last few days, maybe on bein hazmanim the yetzer harah is busy with his easier targets than the guys on gye )

Welcome Zvi! It's nice you have you on board! Even people who have been "clean" for a long time have periods where things are calm and then can have a rough period.

Poeoples moods and emotions change for all sorts of reasons. Lusting fills a void. We need to fill that void with something positive. Sharing your problem with a real person who you trust can go a long way.

Stick around, read the handbook, there are lots of good ideas here.

I'm trying to add myself to the 90 days chart on guardyoureyes.org. Whenver I put in my username, it tells me it's already in use. Does anyone know how to do it?

there probably is already someone in the 90 chart database named zvi trying somethig else like Zvi1 or zvi 613 or FromAtoZvi

I think FromAtoZvi is brilliant!

I was boring in the end and went for (zvi).

thanks

Good voch everyone, I hope you all had an amazing Shabbos!
Bchasdei Hashem, I'm nearing the end of my 5th day clean now. I haven't got this far for a while, and I'm definitely feeling a lot more 'kadosh' for it! I wasn't feeling 100% secure when Shabbos went out, but B'H my taivos seem to have gone for the time being.
I saw an amazing idea over Shabbos which I thought I'd share with everyone here. I'm currently learning Yeshaya, with the peirush of Rav Schwab. Rav Schwab writes an amazing idea on Perek 26, passuk ches. The navi says "The soul lusts to your name and to your mention." On this, Rav Schwab writes something which literally bowled me over. I here quote: "However, man's powerful, natural desire to come close to G-d can be misdirected. In the absence of seeking its fulfillment by coming close to G-d, this natural lust seeks its fulfillment elsewhere- usually in its gratification of the physical senses."
Do you understand what he's saying?! For all of us, each and every one of us, our taivos, our lustings, are simply a misdirected desire to come close to Hashem! Every time we do an Aveira in these areas, we do it because we crave for closeness to the Ribono Shel Olam! If we can simply turn these taivos in the right direction, imagine the heights we can reach.

Here I am, drawing to the end of my 6th day clean, and feel on top of the world. I haven't got so far since before Purim!
Today wasn't an easy day. It wasn't particularly difficult, but it did have its sticky moments. There was one moment when I felt like I wanted to m-, but I said this beautiful little Tefilla that I found elsewhere on the forum, and my Taivos dissipated. The koach of tefillah!
alexeliezer wrote:

I had some problems with shemira ainayim today, but B'H it was nothing particularly serious. I'm looking forward to Pesach like never before- I'm going to try to make it a worthwhile Seder!
Although I've only been on this forum for a few days, I've really picked up the positive vibes from everyone on here, and everyone- thank you so much for the tremendous chizuk I've got from you all.
Have an AMAZING yom tov!

Over a week clean! In fact, almost 10 days clean! Still, it all feels a bit too easy... I know I should be happy, but I feel almost as if I don't deserve it...

I know I don't deserve it, and it has been years (one day at a time). Enjoy the gift. Do you deserve your breathing, eyesight, ability to go the bathroom, and ability to walk? No. You don't. But if you don't enjoy them, isn't that a lack of gratitude?

So enjoy them, brother. It's ok to be another happy Bozo on this bus - we all are.

I slipped. Not fell, but it was close enough. I knew on Shabbos that Motzei Shabbos would be a struggle, and it's turning out to be. Still clean, but not going strong, at all...