As always i appreciate any and all positive feedback....

And i say to all to keep fighting on and little by little win ourselves back

It is tough cause we have tasted what seems sweet but its really poison

And breaking free of this is what our goal is....

Today i was debating alittle (read butting in with my 2 cents ) in a discusion about getting rid of the net...

I know for myself....that while the net has provided a great deal of damage it has also provided a remedy.....not to mention computers is how i supplement my living

We here know that even w/o the net we may have fallen here

A chronic m********addict doesnt need the net for his problem but he might need to get to here to get help that he can utilize

To most of us here net was a tool but not the underlying cause....


There are many paths.........

Its tough ........its tough .....dont think that i climb this ladder with anything but fear and trembling.....im getting there ......slowly deliberately...but im getting better i've been religeous my whole life ...and most of it honestly i avoided this whole issue ...its only the latter half that i had shomer enayim problems ....but they werent on an addict level....m********* didnt happen till after marriage and even then only the last 4 years and even then i was always trying to break out of it ......m******** ended back in april more or less .....ive had falls but nothing like a full on fall back to addiction ....but lust addiction remains .....and it is tough ...now i try not even to look at immodest women at all.....no small feat even here ......but the big test comes at home ....where my wife has been assur to me for a variety of reasons .....(not that she doesnt try to do everything she can) for more then a year .....and this year has been pretty stressful....and she needs alot of warmth and alot of caring ...i still march on.....keep trying every day....keep reminding myself that i need to be patient also with myself ....soon i will be free...G-d willing

you are an inspirtion!!

KOT!!!!

You are a precious neshoma.

You are not alone. We're with you all the way...!

Just do it for today.

For what it's worth I had your wife inzin on yom kippur.

Keep on inspiring us.

I appreciate it and im certain she does too

Its incredible that people on an anonymous forum can be soo understanding and caring....at the same time people who see you everyday can be at least indifferent and sometimes even hostile ...

Although to be fair i dont exactly advertize ......i usually dont know people enough to say anything about whats going on and most people have their own problems....althouhh i know that with all my struggles i try not to be soo self absorbed that i cant be simpathetic to someone elses situation ....

almost through succot .... i say that with alittle sorrow

i love the yomim tovim

this year i have been pretty much 24 hr just involved with the chag

in shul and such

there were unfortunately some slip ups but these were even lower in severity then before my last fall .............

in one year thank G-d i was able to make soo much progress............

this fight is ever done ........and with our lulav swords we are able to take the fight to the enemy and sheild ourselves with our etrog/torah learning

heres to succeeding right where we fell

Back to the daily routine......which i have none....cause every day is its own challenge.....every day i wake up hoping to conquer some of my goals.....which are mostly for my family ......

And instead i end up with 10 more things i have to do first mostly from orders from govt related general keeping track of everyone....

In the mean time i have learned that even when things get alittle easier the guard most not be down ......the eye and the body are not always on the same page ....

Vigilance is key to staying sober......i treat this with all the severity of a recovering alchoholic....though i think i just missed a true addiction...otherwise a real intervention ....which for me in this area would never happen for various reasons would have been needed to pull me back up.....

Thank G-d

I am still climbing and have not had a fall since rosh hashana......even before....

Even as i watch my wife struggle and deal

(We now know almost certainly that she has some sort of rhuematic illness....for those who dont know that means the body fights itself ...in various forms and severities )...

here i am again ....still fighting the good fight ....i have had some close calls into slipping territory but im still clean....still fighting off all kinds of thoughts and such....

even in shul in amida sometimes....

i understand that this is my real test in life ...and with things getting even tighter ...till they get better which they G-d willing should

but i thought it might get slightly easier ....it has and has not

now there are good days where its almost no contest .....and then there are days where i fight my own thoughts to the ground and quickly change my place and tone and everything .......and though i have made a stride in certain things the race doesnt ever feel shorter ....in fact it feels longer ................heres to many happy returns G-d wiiling

KOT bro KOMT!!!

Keep talking to the one above, He loves hearing from you!

We're all with you!!

Breaking free one day at a time.....sometimes one minute at a time

I also am trying to break free of deficient personality traits i may have

With the world becoming home to more and more selfishness and cruelty us men here hold the standard of what it truly means to try to be and stay men...to treat ppl with decency and to perfect oneself

That is what real men strive to do

We can win together

Sooo close to a fall i was.....slipping like a cartoon on a banana peel


But in a fit of "i am not going to let the y"h convince me that its all for nothing ....that im out of the count.....i know my limits and i havent broken them .....but im not dobe beating this thing....sooo for now my chart is really a breaking out of m******** and looking at imag*** but once i reach 90 i will bli neder recount ...(just in time for shovavim i think) and put more restricting rules then exist as per the site would say ....such as no tolerance....and thus in potantially half a year be higher then i started of as ..a great accomplishment considering i currently have to consider that i may be without a kosher alternative for a long l o n g time

ה' עמך אל תרא
חזק ויאמץ לבך

I slipped today.......

I did not fall yet

I feel awful that i am not being as careful as i can be

I have to much i can lose now and i cant afford any of it

May He fogive me in his infinite mercy and i whould avoid the shame of failing this task

I only want to stay clean because it is what He wants me to do

This is very difficult

laughingman wrote:


I used to be in a mindset that as soon as I started slipping it was only a matter of time before I fell. Now b"H I know that just because I started slipping doesn't mean I'll fall. It's always possible to get back on track.

There's no such thing as "I didn't fall yet". You didn't fall. That's it. That's all that matters. You got through the day without falling. And you can do it again today. Yesterday's gone, tomorrow's irrelevant.

KOT