The steps have helped me a lot.

Hatzlacha!

Its very funny ....i started this thread 2 years ago......thinking "sure ill beat this " .....2 years later ....i have only made it to 90 days once .....most of the time i make it to about a month and a half before i start spiraling out of control giving in to addictive behavior ....

And i still have difficulty defining for myself what my real goal here is ...sobriety? I should hope so ....but im still fighting the same punch ....i feel like Hashem also sees my progress/non progress .....

It has been a long time and i still feel like i dont fully even understand myself .....but at the same time i have started to really see where i am and where years of pharmacueticals begin ....my entire personality is at least partly manufactured .....i feel like an escaped experiment sometimes ....

Its all very confusing ....

im trying to take it easy so that I am not as frustrated and also coming to terms with the fact that I am only capable of so much


soft matza rocks!

we are all in your exact position , we do within our capabilities ... and try a bit harder every time. Thanks for sharing . Hatzlacha !

For a while now ....as i seem to be less and less involved in tuma ideas and the like ....i am also more clearly messed up in other ways ....such a interpersonal relationships and sometimes just my thoughts in general .....i would really like to join one of the phone confferences ..... but i simply dont know how with the tkme differencd

Many of the phone conferences have been recorded.

Good Shabboss!

I have gained unexplainably from these forums, from people writing their personal chizzuk and thoughts. So I'll try and write you my thoughts too.

Every year before Rosh Hashanah, people are busy taking upon themselves 'new year resolutions'; everyone to their own. But how long do these actually last? A week? Maybe a month? So why bother every year?
This question bothered me for many years. Last year I didn't manage to keep up for very long what i'd taken upon myself, nor have I ever managed to keep it up, so why should I bother.

Until I heard a speech from a rabbi in Israel. And this is what he explained:

'New year resolutions' are all about making this year better than last. If last year my resolution lasted 3 weeks, this year i'll aim to beat that! And even if I didn't manage, the next year I'll try again.

Hashem gave us all nisyoinos so that we can grow and climb the ladder. He doesn't want us to start the '90 days' and be cured; He wants us to work hard!

Each month you managed, is another step up your personal ladder. And like on a ladder, in order to climb to the next level, one has to push down on the rung to lift the other foot onto the next rung, so to in life: sometimes we have falls and we have to make that fall into a ירידה לצורך עלייה.

Wishing you lots of hatzlochoh; one step at a time.

Welcome Mr A Sample!!!

Thank for your input. I just read both of posts very nice and to the point. Maybe you should start your own thread and share with us whats going on in your life.

Posting and being in touch with guys is one of best tools for sobriety.

Keep On Posting KOP!!!!

Im soo busy lately ...and tired ....and frutrated ....and im trying to trust in Hashem ....He has brought me to this point and i cant have complaints

Congratulations on 57 days. I have a problem with time but time never seems to be a problem when I spend 5 hours engrossed in porn.

I can relate .....there were times ...when i could lose a whole night looking at women .....who in real life i probably wouldnt want anything to really do with....

When i finally started to simply refocus my thoughts .....one at a time .....when I saw through Hashems help whers my mind was going .....and for what?

....and you start to realize how much one can accomplish just sitting and unknown to anyone on the bus ....waging world war 10 in his mind

Some progress that i have thought of recently......listening to my wife suggestions ....particularly about not blaming anyone ...even myself ....when a problem can arises and deal with it at the same time

Taking one day at a time as much literally as possible

not being critical when it can be avoided....

In the past i would avoid these kinds of posts for fear of "jinxing" myself out of any real improvement .....although i still feel very self pitying if i dont learn enough during the day or make it to minyan

One day at a time is completely possible. If there is something I can do today to make my future better, for example clean the house, then I should do it. But that's living for today! Hatzlacha!

Laughingman: you rock! Your words are so true, and very genuine. KOMT!! YTC!!

So ........things are not going well .....my wife has decided that religion is not for her ...also my oldest daughter ........and now when my other children get older we are letting them decide for themselves if they believe in judaism or not .......also i was sick on shavuos ......i barely learned anything shavios night .....

I kinda feel like giving up ......i mean whats the point? .....i probably have 0 chelek anyway .....all of these things happened because i pushed my family too far with my own problems .....i have anger issues and all kinds of selfish behaviors .... too say the least .....and frankly we seem to attract the worst kinds of people .....

I dont know where to begin even if i wanted to "stay the course" and improve .....i feel pointless and hopeless ....usually i would ask about teffilot.....but what miracle would He be willing to confer on a nobody like me .....i am sorry i have let soo many down .....i just wish i coulda figured all this out on time