Super anxious ......i got a chewing out from my kids school about stuff
Like meal planning ....the thing is they dont know what the 11111 they are talking about .....my wife is probably one of the brightest child care people there is .....albeit without a degree (read paid for piece of paper) and i simply listen to her wise counsel ....something i didnt always do ....

Also we are sorta very quickly self renovating ....mostly painting walls and moving stuff around and throwing out stuff that was in storage ....some of it sight unseen ....

All this and more and for the moment my lust issues are in check

The whole world seems insane ...

And we can only rely on our father ......

laughingman wrote:


Sure thing Man!!!

But insane might be saying it a bit mild.

Crawling along .....sometimes i feel like theres no point ....i feel like soo what if i give in .....its not like i live in normal times ....but i try to remember that feeding what is essentially a chemical addiction through improper usage will cause only more grief for me and at least during shovavimi should keep my composure and anyway i dont want to deal with the negative aspects of my taphsic ....this week i was supposed to be finished with a project and i am at least a week off ...and i might lose everything.....

Please pray for miracles ....i am aware we are not supposed to rely on miracles but i see no other way

100% right
i saw a quote from zohar hakodosh
"the only reason a person comes down on this earth, is to struggle with challenges of kedushe"

I am suffering tremendously ....and from what i can glean online ....everyone else is too ...and its only getting worse ....alot of it might be part of my anxiety ....or maybe its just making it worse ...

I am barely able to write ....

my dear friend
my heart feels your sufferings
my hashem help you in every way, you should only have goods
what are some of those sufferings?

May God be with you.

b'hatzlachah

I am very worried about my landlord giving me a hard time resigning my lease ....and also i am late in signing it in a way ....

Also all my kids schools each has a different issue that is affecting me negatively ....

Also i have recently been having a very hard time gettijg things i need ...i keep going to stores that are closed or out of stock or they moved .....things like that ....very frustrating

my dear friend
these things are perfectly NORMAL by every definition of the extent of normality
loads of people have lapsed signing dates
if hashem wants you to stay you will stay, remember loads of people have moved many times בית פלוני לפלוני it will anyway be the way hashem wants, just accept it
issues with kids? who doesn't have? thats a highway which is always under construction!
your life picture is extremely normal, just tune yourself in the attitude that everybody's life is more-less the same, i am not perfect, nor nobody is
in a yeay or two, you will look back and be a loughingman about it

maybe the real problem is I suffer from anxiety disorder so that any and all things in life that might be normal or even expected but cause any kind of difficulty cause a severe mental reaction that I don't always succeed in dealing with


like today a hot plate we use was damaged and I flipped out

the problem is that many times I flip out on others ....sometimes on those who have nothing to do with the problem ...I don't do anything just yell ...but even that is bad and I recognize that ...

I have to get this in check ....but at the moment my main concern is management of the issue im dealing with right now .....I may have severely damaged my marriage

sometimes I feel like I don't belong in normal life .....my outbursts have gotten down to a few minutes but my wife cant deal with them ....I don't know what to do

im trying G-d please help me

Things are better today ....but the ramifications of things means i lost a whole day that should have been easy enough ....possibly the easiest day i shoulda had in years and i spent it being miserable and thereby making my family miserable ......i sure have fallen well ....well not in my addiction thank G-d ......but still not as good as id like

But other things are starting to look up as they never had before ....

On a different note ....i been thinkin .....there are many here who are crushing their inner personalities to dust trying to control themselves ....in the meantime there isnt still a whole lot of support ....gye website is like THE only one of its kind .....

People seem soo nieve of the need to address these issues in contemporary and urgency ....and then pretend surprise at the very likely negative lokg term results ........

More people can help you if you would divulge more.
Take your time.
I'm just sayin'.

b'hatzlachah

May God be with you

Sometimes its difficult to divulge about a situation .....in the past i was more loose with things like that and i nearly was destroyed for it ....so now i tell things more guarded ...but things are alittle better ....if not how i hoped altogether ....

I get very impatient on things i might have no business being impatient about ....

Suffice for now i will say that i have fallen.....hard ......i have to set ky chart ....i will when i have gotten some days behind me .....

Please pray for me .......i feel awful about everything .....

I am still going to try again ....

I fell ...after satting a taphsic ....i didnt even try to stop ....at all ....i have become such a hypocrate that even my anonomous persona here is a hypocrate ....

I feel soo hopeless ....it was really stupid .....and despite everything

Things are actually going alright all things considered...... i dont deserve to be here or the time of day

....unbelievable

Im soo angry wi5h myself