Bigmoish wrote:


ummm...church doors are always opened (so they say), but probably where he is, it ain't in a church anyway, for then, we probably would have heard that excuse.

Hi Cordnoy,
In fact it is in a church. Of course i am very embarrassed to go but I'd much rather a church than a shul. I'd rather meet Chris and Peter than Moishe and Berel.

I put it into my outlook calendar and I am full steam ahead. ...For Now but the day is still young and there are many excuses that will show up I am sure.

pischoshelmachat wrote:


Maybe you'll meet me!

Or perhaps Chrisy or Petroshka.....although I wouldn't wanna meet Mashy or Bruriah anywhere.

Funny, I was just shmoozing on Sunday with Una and we laughed at the time I escaped meeting with you on your stopover.

Hi PSM,
1) Sorry I'm not clear: have you not been to SA group before that you say you're scared?
2) You mention in a recent post that your mind isn't as sharp as it used to be because of the mind inning effect of porn.
But at the time of that writing you had 55+ days of sobriety under your belt..? That should have cleared things somewhat, no? And you still feel that way?
I think we don't want to forgive ourselves our sins, and we carry them with us, thinking I'm so defiled that [insert your own continuation here].
I further think that when we think we are a certain way we psychologically make it that way.
So in your case it's "not so sharp because of the mind numbing effect of porn".
I'm just putting the thought out there in case it applies to you.
And by the way, well done for the continued sobriety!
All the best.
Shlomo

Hi R' Shlomo,
I am afraid mostly because of whom I might meet. I have been twice to a different SA meeting and did not meet anyone I know but also did not meet anyone that I felt I could connect with as a sponsor.
As I used to "pacify" myself with porn, now that I no longer have this drug, I find myself looking for things to distract me such as Facebook, Vosizneis, Arutz Sheva. I seem to always be looking for a distraction and do not focus on my work. Yesterday I surfed **** which is a minefield. I cannot seem to get anything done as I constantly distract myself with time wasting internet nonsense.
Today, I am resolved not to look at any news sites period other than responding to GYE to stay connected. I am davening for help and I just have to focus and get my work done. All the years of porn have reduced my attention span and even though I am clean for a little while, I am still fidgety and distracted.
I feel with time it will get better.

PSM,
I believe it will get better.
I must tell you that I didn't go cold turkey from porn to no entertainment an no news sites - but I can say that in the past 18 months or so I've maybe looked at news or entertainment sites about twice. And I've got internet at home and at work. How and why did I do it?
I went from porn to watching comedies to watching rabbi Yossi mizrachi on torahanytime.com (because I found him so funny although he doesn't intend it), and then on to rabbinical shachter on same website and alongside an increase in Torah learning.
My job is very demanding so in truth I don't have dead time to waste, during the day or in the evening - so I don share that challenge of yours. (Posting over last three months on GYE forum has had a major impact on my productivity, and possibly my career).
I do know that as many have found, when I was on entertainer sites it was only a short step away from porn.
Last week I posted on my thread that I had a challenging day. In fact I was tempted to go on a news website and I resisted. I knew and I know that if I went on it I would have ended the session by watching porn.
Having that fence of no entertainment saves me from much grief. Hats aid I know it is a very difficult transition to make. And I myself did not one day make a decision "no entertainment"; it kind of evolved/progressed that way. And I've made no Kabbala that I won't do it. I just don't want to do it because I know for so many reasons that it's not good for me. I'm even repulsed to go on there. (Porn is a different storyB) .)
All the best.
Shlomo

Hi,
Today I completely avoided all websites and it was a much more focused and productive day. Thank you for your chizzuk.

As many of you know, I made it to the meeting last night. It was very hard for me to be there and my heart was pumping in overdrive. Thank you chaveirim for the encouragement and for your help weathering the aftermath.
I hope I will be able to attend again.

Wow! And how was it....? (my hand is in mouth.)

Very difficult. I would rather discuss this in private. Please send me an email.

Hello my friends,
Shavuos was darhoiben. I felt so close to HKB"H and cried my eyes out during Hallel. I hope not too many people noticed.
It is such a let down to get back to the mundane but I am eager to take on the real life the RBS"O has planned for me.

Thank you for that heartfelt share.
I put effort into my avoida on shavu'os. But I felt nothing. I felt distant and closed off all the time. However, I wasn't sad about it; I was willing to keep on working because I've learned not to 'chase' elevated feelings. And if that's where I'm supposed to be, then fine.
Then... in the yehi leratzon imrei fi at the end of musaf on second day my heart opened up, or the heavens (not sure which) and i gave a sob and a short but true prayer from the heart. And I felt that it carried in everything else.
Duchening after that was quite connected too.
But right now I feel like I'm on a different plane of existence. Something has changed.
Like I said, I'm very wary of feelings, dont trust them much at all, but still...

I cry almost every day. But on Shavuos during Hallel, I was crying to HKB"H while thanking him for pulling me out of the projectile I was on and giving me the opportunity to straighten out my life.