cordnoy wrote:

I actually put in all the effort for my recovery
cordnoy wrote:

I am really not sure I understand where all this is going.

Just to clarify where (I think) I am holding:

Step One: I have admitted that I have no control over myself when it comes to lust. I have also come to the realization that my life when I act - out is emotionally unstable, and not very pleasant. To a large extent it is unmanageable.

Step Two: I have come to believe that all is not lost. I am not hopeless. By admitting that I cannot on my own and with the willingness to be prepared to ask for help, my sanity can be restored.

Step Three: I try to the best of my ability to live one day at a time focusing on what my Creator / Abba's (however I understand Him) Will is. In general terms this means for me focusing on giving and not taking, being useful and not self - centered.(Often I am so messed up with myself that without calling a friend I cannot focus my thoughts like this, but if I have a little bit of willingness and I make the action, I normally get refocused).

ZEHU!!!!

It is as simple as that.

I don't claim that HaShem connects with me. I don't claim to "feel" connected,spiritual or holy. (Most of my life was run based on how connected I "felt"). Neither do I philosophize over whether Bill and I are getting help from the same place.

I cannot say for 100% that I am doing the right thing. No one can. That is the essence of bechira. But I can say that I have a life without high's and low's and one which is (I hope) meaningful.

I am happy to have helped you if you felt I did and I am sorry if this last discussion has made you tense, as you wrote. I thank you too for all I have gotten from you. May we both merit many more days of sobriety.

Thank you so much for sharing chesky!!

I can relate to most of what you wrote, especially with what chesky wrote:


I personally do feel Hashem in my life when I let Him in. I don't make decisions based on whether or not I'm feeling it, but I know that whenever I allow Him to, He will be there!

I am finally seeing clearly how being in touch with others is absolutely essential to me keeping sane. There are so many thoughts, rationalizations, justifications, that I make about anything, and when I try telling it over to someone it makes a loud loud echo.....it's hollow. Things just clear up, they are taken out from under the binocular and suddenly they shrink!!

I just went through another misunderstanding with someone and due to the fact that I am able to express myself, I was able to come across and have an honest open and finally understanding each other!!

I had desires today, and took some first and second looks, but BH they were few and I let them go, so we are still trucking...one foot in front of the other!!

Pidaini wrote:


I forgot to add that I didn't do it myself, I took advantage of the OINK meeting yesterday to surrender myself to Hashem and His will, and that it's ok if He wants me to have temptations. I then asked Him (publicly) to help me stay sane and do what He wants me to!

Thank you Hashem and your shaliach, OINK!!

The possuk says:
ככל היוצא מפיו יעשה
Why is היוצא written in present tense, and יעשה in future tense?
[of course the יעשה has to be always, not only at the time when he makes the נדר, but why the inconsistency in the tenses?].

Maybe it gives us advice how to keep our resolutions. If one thinks of the resolution in a constant present tense, not as something from the past, he will have an easier time keeping it.
I don't think anyone will act out WHILE he's making a נדר or שבועה to stop acting out. He might even fall a very short time afterward, but not DURING the resolution.
So if you keep your resolutions in PRESENT TENSE, ככל "היוצא" מפיו, you will keep up the יעשה.

I'm not so well versed in דקדוק, but maybe that can also explain the word ככל" I think that as for simple meaning, it could just as well have said "כל", All that comes out of his mouth he must do. Why the added "AS all which comes out..."?
Maybe the "AS" is referring to present tense of the word היוצא, as we said above, he should always see the נדר as if it was just יוצא מפיו, and that will help him in the יעשה.
In short: KEEPING THE PAST PRESENT WILL HELP FOR THE FUTURE

shivisi wrote:

I know. To help Yankel practice...

I am entirely, completely, absolutely, NOT IN THE MOOD Of Shivah Assar B'Tamuz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I want to escape experiencing it.

Actually writing this, it makes a lot of sense, after all, aren't all about "One day at a time" (I think someone even just opened a whole thread about it)? Aren't we about doing what I can now based on the facts of what I have now, not about moping about the past if I can't do anything about it now?

The answer isn't clear to me right now, but I am positive that our motto stands true, that only leaves the option that through all this three week depressing stuff that we are indeed positively rectifying the past and affecting the future.....

But I'm still confused about all the stuff we do, especially kinos......maybe I'll ask my rebbe about it (hey that's a good idea!!)

thanks for listening

First Pidaini wrote:


Churban Bais Hamikdosh is not about THE PAST - it is about "THE FACTS WE HAVE NOW!

Pidaini also wrote:


That's what these 3 weeks are all about! realizing that CBH is about the NOW! and That is the FIRST thing which we CAN do about it now!

after that Pidaini wrote:

Kinos and all the rest is for the purpose of Bringing CBH into the NOW!

In conclusion Pidaini wrote:


yes, that's actually a GREAT idea!



כל המתאבל על ירושלים זוכה ורואה בשמחתה

Thank You shivisi,

I (of course) understand that the Churban is very much part of the now, my question is how is sitting and crying going to help? In my puny mind, it would be much more productive if we'd continue learning, davening, and doing mitzvos than to sit and be immobile for an entire day.

This isn't the place for this, and nobody should get their hashkafah from anonymous users on the web, I was just sharing my feelings and why I feel so out of place, and by sharing Hashem helped me realize (through a shaliach on chat), that I don't need to understand everything, and this is how Hashem wants us to act at this time. So I'm calmer, accepting that I don't need to know everything, but I'm still gonna try and seek answers.

my two cents,
see gemars 41a in sukkah, that one has to make a effort if he wants to understand anything anout CBH.
and put it this way, it is a PRIVELIGE to be able to connect to our glorious past and build the future this way, and one who doesn't have that can truly be jealous.

From today's daily dose of Dov: Dov wrote:

yup. it is hard to swallow, but there is LIFE and something that resembles it. pretty much that the comparison between a dream and real life. this is the mekor for the expression, "get a life", and it's pikuach nefesh.(sorry for being heavy). there is a tosafos in kesubes 17a that says that one that doesn't realise his potential is like one spilling his own blood. but of course( for those who feel pressure) ONE DAY AT A TIME

lavi wrote:


The reality is that there is only today, whether we have pressure or not

What caught me was how R' Noach, even as being a normal person understood the danger of movies.

I had another bout of "Korach Syndrom" last night, BH I was able to be honest with no one other than....MY FATHER!!!

When I first spoke to someone else about whether or not I have to go to a simcha in Bnei Brak, which would in turn have me go to sleep late and not be able to get up early, I got all upset about how stupid they were for making it right after a fast, and decided that I'm not going!! But I was still upset, screaming at how stupid they were!!

So when I called my father I got it straight "why are they making me feel guilty that I'm not coming?!".....I then realized that if I'm feeling guilty that means that something in me realizes that I should be going, but I didn't want to miss getting up (which gives me a very good feeling and I feel looked up to because of it). After disclosing that to my father, I was able to go calmly, with acceptance, and I takeh didn't get up so early (notice the time of the post )

Thank You Hashem for giving me understanding people in my life so that I can do what you want....One Step at a Time, One Foot in Front of the Other!!!!

I heard a vort years ago. Avraham Avinu was about to shecht his son on the akeida.
he tied up his son
his hand took the knife
he moved in for the final cut.
one can imagine that if avraham avinu was about to shecht a korban, it was with all the heilige kavanos. with all the hachanos. he went through nisoyon after nisoyon on the way to har habayis. and now he was emotionally prepared for the biggest sacrifice.
just then the malach comes and says STOP. and he did. he backed down on all of his kavanos. all of his intentions of the ultimate sacrifice to Hashem.
He was able to do so because every second of his life he was thinking what does Hashem want from me right now. A second before, Hashem wanted him to shecht. This second Hashem wanted him to refrain. that's why he was able to refrain on the second.
עתה ידעתי כי ירא אל-ים אתה.
Halevay we get somewhere near that darga of being constantly aware of what Hashem wants from us every second and doing it besimcha. מתי יגיעו מעשי למעשב אבותי. we have it in us. we inherited the koach from our alte zeide Avrohom. we just have to work on it slowly,

Thank You Hashem for OINK!!!!

Surrendering with other people who will just accept you with whatever mishegas you have is an experience not to be missed!!

I've been feeling a little out of touch lately, it's been crawling in slightly into everything. I've been coming a bit later to seder, going to sleep a bit later, feeling tense a bit more, etc.

And when talking to nitzotz this morning (as I try doing every morning) a quote in the White Book hit me

"I couldn't just surrender my lust; I had to surrender me."

Of course!! I've BH been surrendering each specific thing that came up, but looking at the trees I've been missing the forest!! I needed to give up my whole self to the will of Hashem!!

So I shared that by the meeting (together with details of a certain jealousy that I was feeling) and verbally announced that I was letting go and ready to do what Hashem wanted, and asked Hashem to guide me and help me remember that.

If anyone thinks that they see something about me that I'm missing, please let me know, that's what I'm here for.

Thank You all!!!

Thank You Hashem for giving me understanding people in my life so that I can do what you want....One Step at a Time, One Foot in Front of the Other!!!!

you are welcome.