WHAT!!!! PIDAINI'S THREAD LEFT THE FIRST PAGE!?!?!?!?!?!? A SHANDEH! A DISGRACE I TELL YOU!!

i think it is time to realize that a ladder is made to go up and...down.
(however the game snakes and ladders in an exception-and maybe p'daini is also

When I was saying Tehillim today I came across the end of chapter 66 which reads "Indeed, The Almighty heard, He listened to the voice of my prayer. Blessed is The Almighty who has not removed, my prayers [from being heard], and [has not removed] His kindnesses from me"

I thought to myself (having had a really silly slip last night) "I'm not sure that I thank Hashem for being so kind. In a way, I would rather want Hashem to just punish me and finished, all the good that He does to me makes me feel so uncomfortable" and i realized that that's very deep. I'd rather not have to face Hashem and admit the wrong that I'd done to Him (and myself) and how foolish I'd been, and rather deal with a punishment that keeps the whole thing non-personal and fleeting, than to just admit the wrong and mistake and be truly connected with Hashem who accepts me and loves me and truly cherishes me, however I am because He knows who I really am and isn't fooled by my actions, and by seeing what Hashem sees to be truly connected with ME!!

and that brings to mind the famous vort of the Besh"t on the pasuk "keil nekamos Hashem-Hashem is an avenging G-d" on which the Besh"t asks that the name "keil" refers to the name of kindness of Hashem, as opposed to the name "elokim" which refers to judgement, so why would Dovid Hamelech use the name of kindness when talking about avenging?

He answers with a parable o a king who is riding through a small village, and there is a little child who was in middle of having fun and his parents tear him away to go see "a king". The child has no idea what a king is, and all he knows is that he's missing his fun. Finally they see the carriage arriving, and the child, out of frustration, takes a rock and throws it at the king! The guards arrest him and bring him before the court where they obviously want to sentence him to death (probably by stoning ). The king though refuses, and explains. He says that this child has no idea what he has done, it would be useless and mean to kill him. What I will do is I will take him home with me and keep him with me at all times so that he may start to understand what king is, and then when he understands the wrong that he did we can again meet to decide on his punishment.

So that's what they did, and as the boy grew up and started seeing the majesty of the king, how he ran his country, the amount of things that he dealt with, etc. He started realizing what he had done, and was feeling terrible. The older he grew and the more he saw, the stronger the regret and the shame for what he did. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and ran into the inner chamber crying hysterically asking for forgiveness for that foolish act that he had done.

The Besh"t explains that it is the same with Hashem, He doesn't just punish, because what use would that be, rather He shows His greatness, His love, His kindness, and when the person is forced to see all of that he suddenly realizes how foolish he was in his actions and how much he must ask for forgiveness, and as the insights to Hashem's greatness grow, so too does the shame and understanding of his actions grow.

Same is with me and my trying to delude myself and run away from who I truly am. Hashem shows me that I am important enough for Him to be kind to, that I am good enough for Him to be interested in me, that I have potential that is worth it for Him to invest in me.......that makes me extremely uncomfortable and makes me realize how I am ruining myself and my life!!!!!!

i read it (the whole thing, please ship me a t-shirt, thank you)
very very good stuff!

The vort from the Besh"t was beautiful. Thank you for that.

But I have to say, that I have never been embarrassed about who I am before Hashem. I may not be proud of all my actions before Him. But no one in the world knows me better, not even myself. He knows that I try, and that I mean well. He created me with my warts, and understands that I may not achieve my potential all the time(or ever), and He still loves me anyway. A true love, one with no preconditions or expectations, only that I am one of His children. That is why no matter how bad the thing I did 5 minutes ago, I still know that He will accept me now with open arms.

Yankel thats great stuff!!!

i figured it calls for a reply not just a thank you,

dear mbj,
if you don't mind me commentating on what you said,( well it's too late now ayway!) it is commended to feel loved by Hashem like you said, but the zohar says that love has to be in tandem with fear, it isn't just a higher level, rather like the zohar says it is like two wings. if you only flap one you go around in circles, so i guess to feel the embarrassment you have to work on the fear aspect. and it seem like a ma'aleh to be embarrassed in front of Hashem.

Dear Lavi,

i think your making a mistake the two wings thing i about the love one has to hashem what mbj is talking about is the love hashem has to us which is unconditional,

like the tzaddikim taught us hashem loves any jew out there in any situation more then the largest amount of love we can even imagine,

kol(loving) tuv!!!

dear deedee,

But I have to say, that I have never been embarrassed about who I am before Hashem. I may not be proud of all my actions before Him.

i was referring to the above statement, and i was pointing out that i didn't think it was correct not to feel embarrassment in front of Hashem.
am i making myself understood?

Thank You MBJ for clarifying, I am not embarrassed of who I am, quite the contrary, the REAL me is awesome, as clearly evident from the way Hashem treats me. It is that I am scared of who I am.

R' Zishe of Anipoli used to say "I am not afraid of the question that they will ask "upstairs" "Why were you not Avraham avinu?" I know what to answer. I am not afraid of the question "Why were you not Dovid hamelech?" I know what to answer. The question that I fear is

"Why were you not ZISHE?!!"

It is that sense of responsibility that I don't want to face. It is that sense of responsibility that when I see clearly the lovingness of Hashem towards me, that I feel uncomfortable, because I cannot just push it aside any more!!

There is a certain amount of gevurah or contentness perhaps never to be embarrassed before Kudshah b'Rich Hu, and I like it; how do you teitch or explain though: "Harei ani lefonecha kikli malei bushah uchlimah"?

Thank you so much

maybe just maybe, what i wrote could be somehow right? that it is good to have a certain about of bushah (embarrassment) in front of Hashem?? anyone??

everyone's right to some extent

one tana (gemara rosh hashana) says its better to be kafuf
one tana says better to be pashut
one says sometimes like that and sometimes like that,
in yevamos the gemara makes a shtikel pshara,
pri megadim says thats teitch in shomeya kol shofar umaazin truah
that Hashem listens to the people who are pashut and listens even better to those who are shavur, v'ain domeh lach (melech basar vdam isn't mishtamesh with keilim shvurim)

cordnoy wrote:


both Pdaini and MBJ just said that we are not embarrassed by whom we are but ain hachi nami we are malei bushah uchlimah by our actions

in this weeks parshah lo hibit aven byaakov vlo ra'ah amel byisroel ... u'sruas melech bo which rashi explains that he is not medakdek with us to pay attention to our aveiros ... and he loves us no matter what
of course this does not mean that we will not be held responsible for our actions and he lets us off no matter what we have done, it means that no matter what we have done he loves us just the same

thanks for your imput and mekoiros. i think that simply put, it is fair to say that we are what our actions are,( i am speaking what our view should be of ourselves)(at least one of our views)(because we always need to know that the mehus from our neshama is a chelek....) that is our actions shape us to a large degree. and your last statement about
"it means that no matter what we have done he loves us just the same." i am not convinced that it is true. it may be that Hashem loves a tzaddik more than a regular person. do you have any sources to back up what you said ( in the bais hamedrash we say" what's the rai'ah")??