Luz shoin oop his shver Lizzie!!!

Interesting is how I've heard from a few people here how this Yom Kippur they felt somewhat disconnected, I had the same experience. I t was nice, but I just couldn't grasp what was going on.

On Rosh Hashanah it was awesome, I was in tune with being mamlich Hashem over EVERYTHING, I understood it, but Yom kippur......just didn't get it.

But I was fine with it, exactly as Machshavah Tova put it, we don't need fireworks in a relationship, I know Hashem was there with me, what could be better?

I did have a thought, by neilah we say the 13 attributes of mercy again and again, it always got on my neves, what's it all about? Hope this makes sense, but I thought that when we are trying to get someone to do something they know is right to do, there are just a lot of dificult things to get by in order to do it. We tell it to them again and again, hoping that they will finaaly just do it. The same here, Hashem is b'etzem a merciful father, and he wants to give us a great year, there are just kitrugim that keep on holding back. So we "remind" Him of His essence, again and again, so that He will "just do it".

I had another thought about oneis, don't have time to write it now.

btw, got up to 90 again on yom kippur, It's great, but I BH didn't feel anything special about that either for it's today, and that's all that matters.

Have a great one everyone!!

Hmmmm......good stuff.

Two wet dreams......some realizations sinking in. Lusting a lot, talking to people about it.

Keeping on posting (as much as I can here)

Still clean NOW!!

Big slips last night and this morning. I think I've caught myself now though.

Starting from now, leaving the rest behind. I may have more urges, fantasies, etc because of the slips but that doesn't mean I have to live there.

It's hard being by the inlaws, so many decisions to make based on how they are going to look at me (it's not supposed to be that way, but it is) and that makes me nervous.....anyway as we said, FORWARD!!!

Pidaini wrote:


I know what that means!

b'hatzlachah

Pidaini wrote:

And I know what that means...

I've had a deeper insight, thanks to something chesky wrote, about "being ready to let go of lust".

I used to think ..... I don't know exactly what I used to think, and it doesn't make a difference right now.

What I see now is that I have to be ready to live life, and that means all my day to day interactions, tensions, situations, etc. without my good "friend" on my shoulder who always used to accompany me.

I am ready to let go of the life in which I always had a "backup" if it didn't go the way I wanted, and I will live through the ups and downs of life without the help of lust, any sort of lust.

When I am ready to do that, I can turn to Hashem, and truly say "Hashem I don't want this [edit]I'd rather deal with life than deal with lust[/edit, inspired by Hashems Soldier], please take it away from me". Not as I used to say "Hashem I can't deal with lust anymore, so please take away all "causes" of it, and give me life without any turbulence"

Thank You Hashem for another clean day (although with a slip), and for giving me this brachah of understanding what you want from me.

yay, keep on moving forward!!

Pidaini wrote:

Living life without your good friends?
And in italics too? without your good friends?
Terrible.

this proves the old adage: Stay away from friends who wear parenthesis

ZemirosShabbos wrote:

Like this guy



Nebach, he was in a devastating car accident, but boruch Hashem, he is now able to get around on his brand new parenthetic legs.

ZemirosShabbos wrote:

Parentheses
I should've reported that to the moderator

actually i meant quotation marks
but please dont report me

ok, let's put this out in writing.

By my inlaws, until now there were others here for bein hazmanim, they are gone now. feelings of loneliness started already last night, and slipped (again, but this time it was worse)

I have a crazy urge right now, to take apart the computer and put back that wire and then be unfiltered and just see if it works

Good news is that I Bh have an education, a GYE education. I am powerless over lust, and I have gone way too close, any closer and I know (admit) that I am a gonner.

So I ask Hashem, I accept the life that you give me and will give me, I only ask you to keep me healthy, to lead me through life with the feelings of loneliness (which I will try taking care to the best of my ability), through life with the feelings of inadequecy (my shver is a Talmid Chacham muflag, and lives and breathes Torah), and all other feelings which you will choose to have me experience.
Please help me always remember that you are the one in charge, and in control, of every aspect of my life.
Thank You, Pidaini (aka Yankel)

You're worth to me much more than your shver will ever be. And that is the pure and unadulterated truth.