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Yaakov's Ladder
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Yaakov's Ladder 126698 Views

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 16 Jun 2013 17:22 #209434

  • skeptical
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I relate to this post very very much.

The main thing is not to give up. Commit now to staying clean and only then try to tie up the loose ends.

We need to work on not trying to control our thoughts in a way that actually makes us dwell on them even more. It's exhausting to tell ourselves over and over again that we don't want to think about it, because then, we're in effect thinking about it, and that's exhausting. We need to just dismiss the initial thought from our minds as soon as we realize that they're there.

152 days is no small feat! You're doing a great job. Thank Hashem for giving you those days and get back on track now!

Hatzlacha!

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 16 Jun 2013 17:40 #209435

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152 days! You can take that to the בנ״ק!!

Don't get down over it. You're doing great. KOMT!!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 15:50 #209601

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Thanks guys!

As I wrote I am BH not depressed, I am a tad bit down, but nowhere near what it used to be after a fall.

My thoughts on this were that perhaps, since being on GYE i have learned to accept myself the way I am. to quote Wreck it Ralph "I am bad and that is good, i am not good but that isn't bad",
CH"V I am not bad, but I am not the person whose Y"H is to learn shelo lishmah, and that's fine, my job in life is this, and that's beautiful, because that's the way Hashem wants me to serve him.

having that said, i gave it my most (not all, i don't think), and I am trying to figure out how to make it better.

One thing I am struggling with right now (and i know there is a thread on this topic booming right now but this is much more specific) is what will I loose if I act out once or twice a year (once every 152 days)? Why do I want to do something different than what i was doing until now in order to reach that point? (religion hasn't helped until now)

I am guessing that the answer is REAL LIFE, the problem is that since i stopped porn, i waste a lot of time on playing online games. innocent, kosher, yet time consuming, and brain subduing. And regarding my fight, it probably takes away from real life, keeping me from experiencing it.

As I was typing this i asked my wife to ask me what i am doing and what i did on the computer (I wouldn't lie to her, unless it was something really bad, like GYE). Thanks GYE!!

If anyone has any thoughts please express them.
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov
Last Edit: 18 Jun 2013 17:01 by Pidaini.

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 18:05 #209606

Pidaini wrote:
...
what will I lose if I act out once or twice a year (once every 152 days)? ...


Q: What will an alcoholic lose if he drinks once or twice a year?
A: There is a good chance he will lose everything.

That single drink will activate the phenomenon of craving. It's like taking a laxative and trying to control yourself not to go (heard from Rabbi Shais Taub on GYE).

Starving the lust will go much further in making the cravings less intense and less frequent. (I tried both & I can only speak of what worked and did not work for me.)

MT
Last Edit: 18 Jun 2013 18:06 by Machshovo Tova.

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 18:37 #209615

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I had the same thought as MT. Can you really control it to twice a year only? I can't.

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 20:02 #209631

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Once we make it an allowable thing, "just this once," we are planting seeds in our minds that it's not so terrible. And then what's one more time, or even one more time after that? It just does not end.

On the other hand, if I make a full year and my past fall is the only one I had (which is obviously what I am striving for,) I will rejoice in the fact that I am making huge progress.

Do you see the difference in thought?

One other thing: By working on ourselves in this area, it will help us to be able to serve Hashem properly, but it in itself is not our avodas Hashem.

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 21:34 #209661

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Points well taken, but i think i want to rephrase the question a bit, why should i do more than what i did up until this past fall? true, what i did until now only held up for the amount that it did, but it will keep me from ruining my life (if it is true that it will always help for that amount of time).

I guess what i am asking is how do i change the motivation from "not hitting rock bottom" to "hitting high heavens"?
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 21:44 #209671

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Pidaini
guess what i am asking is how do i change the motivation from "not hitting rock bottom" to "hitting high heavens"?


I would say that the way to do that is to be aware of how your life has changed for the good since you've started being clean and strive for more of that.

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 22:13 #209681

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skeptical wrote:
Pidaini
guess what i am asking is how do i change the motivation from "not hitting rock bottom" to "hitting high heavens"?


I would say that the way to do that is to be aware of how your life has changed for the good since you've started being clean and strive for more of that.


Love that skep, but בשעת מעשה when the serpent is around ur neck, thinking that doesnt really help - at least to me it doesn't
Life is Like a Bicycle: If its easy, you're going downhill
Hashem, If I can't have what I want, then please teach me to want what I have -Unknown (and if u know who it was please inform me)
(1+2)x4=3
There is NOTHING wrong with feeling pain -My Sponsor
I will not act out today, I will tomorrow. Maybe when I get to tomorrow, it will again be 'today'

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 22:32 #209689

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The time to put these thoughts into action is when the serpent is approaching, or even before that, not when it's around your neck.

Another thing, the yetzer harah is all in your mind. Remember Avraham Avinu going to the Akeidah, the water was up to his neck, he davened to Hashem and the water disappeared. It was really just the YH. Once Avraham passed the test by trudging on to do the right thing, the YH dissipated.

It's the same thing by us, when we're in the clutches of the YH, we think there's no way out, that we have no choice but to give in. If we would treat these thoughts like it really is, a really foolish notion, they would disappear and we'd be able to breathe.

Hatzlacha!
Last Edit: 18 Jun 2013 23:23 by skeptical.

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 18 Jun 2013 22:36 #209691

Lizhensk wrote:

... but בשעת מעשה when the serpent is around ur neck, thinking that doesnt really help - at least to me it doesn't


So I guess the trick is to keep our distance, so that the serpent does not get around our neck. If we wrestle with the serpent, we will definitely lose the match. But if we avoid him and his cohorts, we stand a good chance to succeed be"H.

Htzlacha

MT

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 20 Jun 2013 00:14 #209798

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skeptical wrote:
The time to put these thoughts into action is when the serpent is approaching, or even before that, not when it's around your neck.

Another thing, the yetzer harah is all in your mind. Remember Avraham Avinu going to the Akeidah, the water was up to his neck, he davened to Hashem and the water disappeared. It was really just the YH. Once Avraham passed the test by trudging on to do the right thing, the YH dissipated.

It's the same thing by us, when we're in the clutches of the YH, we think there's no way out, that we have no choice but to give in. If we would treat these thoughts like it really is, a really foolish notion, they would disappear and we'd be able to breathe.

Hatzlacha!


That should go in the "Dov Quote's" section, it was that good. Thank you very much skeptical!

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 20 Jun 2013 23:08 #209882

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Thanks everyone,

Past few days have been all right, i'm trying to come up with some way of keeping track of how i grow in real life. Something like avrom's suggestion of sitting down and writing something up.

I guess for now, i'll just say that today, even though I am extremely tired, I tried to connect with my wife. meaning not just to hear that she is talking but try to listen to what she is not saying.

that's for today, hopefully i'll be able to keep this up, especially after my chat with chachaman with in which we discussed that instead of thinking about not thinking about lust, we should think about thinking about real life. and also that real life can always become more real, especially for yidden for whom real life is also connecting to Hashem, there is for sure no end for He is Ein Sof, and there is always room for becoming closer.

Thanks and Hatzlacha
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 28 Jun 2013 01:22 #210654

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Steady week BH!!!

Just some thoughts that have come up,

Regarding the discussion of telling ones wife about our issue,

I realized that it is total selfishness!!! Meaning, the reason I would want to tell my wife (at this point) is because I see others who have the support of their wives, and it seems so refreshing to be able to have the closest person in your life comment on how they notice you are succeeding and growing. Having said that, that means that I am wanting to put my wife in the unspeakable pain of, lost of trust and hardship in putting it back together, of the inclination that she was not enough, and more, in order for me to a feel a little bit better about myself!!!!!!
seems quite selfish to me.

second, until now I have been able to measure my progress very easily, porn or no porn, fantasizing or not, etc. I am BH, in a different stage, that is I have to think of every moment, is this living for REAL, or is this going to be back into cyberworld? it's a much narrower (is that a word?) line to defrentiate by, and harder to keep track of. I guess "one day at a time, one moment at a time" in it's full sense.
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Yaakov's Ladder 28 Jun 2013 20:27 #210747

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