76 days up.

B"H it's been going well. I listened in on my first phone conference tonight.

wow!

76!!!

seems like it will take me another 150 (from 25) to get there...I don't mean falling; days are just going slow

but like is said around here

one day at a tome
one moment at a time

just make the right decision when nisayon hits

see if the nisyonos get less frequent (they do and they don't)

B"H 82 days up!

I'm reminded of the saying that sunlight is the best disinfectant. After I
I found that it was much easier to prevent myself from looking. Although I was conscious of the fact for a little while, only after I verbalizing it "publicly" was the realization able to have an effect on me.

I was in a big city today shopping in a huge kosher supermarket. It's a rarity for me coming from a smaller town. It was really scary realizing how susceptible I was to all the frum women shopping there. It took me repeating to myself, "This will kill me!" to be able to walk around almost like a normal human being. However, B"H I think that I made it out not too much the worse.

Hatzlacha to us all,
NeedToQuit

yup, watch out for look away from the frum ones.

B"H today will (Bezras Hashem) be (Blei Ayin Harah) day 90!!

I once again am amazed by the difference that I feel from day 0. Although today I feel basically the same as yesterday, I feel like a completely different person than I was 89 days ago. I know that I'm still an addict and can't let my guard down, but it's nice to know that it does get a little bit easier.

I called into Duvid Chaim's call on Thursday noon for the first time. It was nice, but unfortunately I don't think that I can always make time for it in middle of the day. Also, they are almost finished the cycle so the 12-step content is like (no I guess it actually is) reading a book starting from the middle. Hopefully, I'll be able to start for real Yom Tov time when he hopes to start again.

Life has been very hectic (and more importantly stressful) recently. I have a date today with a girl whom I am very optimistic about but she feels a "little parve" (according to the shadachan). I hope that it is just a defense mechanism brought on by her years of unsuccessful dating, that she is afraid of investing to much only to be turned away. Part of the stress is I need to find where to go and when to go, and refresh my list of conversation topics.

Bezras Hashem all will be good. Hatzlacha to us all!! And may we merit to understand exactly how everything which Hashem did, does, will do for us, is for our best!
NeedToQuit

Mazal Tov!!! B'ezras Hashem many many more one days!!!

and B'suros toivois!!!!

mazel tov!
many more iy"H
great news

MAZAL TOV! Keep the great news comin!

Pidaini wrote:

cordnoy wrote:

gibbor120 wrote:

Thanks guys, but as they say "It ain't over till the fat lady sings". (Hope that's not triggering for anyone ) Well this one day isn't over either just yet. Especially, because I have a date where I'll have to step out of my "safer" surroundings into those potentially filled with people who I normally wouldn't have to be exposed to.

Speaking of, boy is the Y"H giving me a run for my money today. As usual, as the stress (one of my big triggers) increases so does my desire to escape into "my world". Even as I come in on the home stretch the Y"H doesn't let up even though he has realized that he has to avoid a direct attack. So, instead of "Just watch a little porn," he says "Just watch a little TV." B"H, I haven't watched TV in weeks and only slipped twice into watching movie trailers on YouTube during that time. But now, he says that it will relax me and release some stress. B"H, I know otherwise; it wouldn't help, only hurt.

Guard, I really like the new 90 chart, especially the Personal Chart and the Diary.

Here's to today's one day and tomorrow's one day and many more one day's!

Hatzlacha to us all,
NeedToQuit

B"H I made it or even more accurate we (I with lots of help from Hashem).

Now that I've made it to 90 again, I can finally admit to myself that the first time I was probably just a dry drunk.

That's all for now.
Hatzlacha,
NeedToQuit

I wanted to share a recent experience. Recently, I went with my family to a park for the day. We did some walking along a stream in really warm weather.... B"H I managed to look down or away as we passed most of the people. However, eventually we arrived at a waterfall where there was large gathering with even more people and even less cloths. The younger kids weren't up to walking much more so some of us were pushing to stop there for a dip and then head back. I said to myself, no way can I handle this. So I ran ahead and found that literally another minute down the trail is a nicer waterfall with almost no-one there. So we moved there and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Hatzlacha,
NeedToQuit

I saw you mad it back to 90 a day ahead of me.

CONGRADULATIONS!

I almost felt when you click that update chat and you go over 90 days there should be a pop-up window with fireworks or confetti

MBJ wrote:

Thanks.

CONGRATULATIONS to you too! Maybe even more so because everyone says (although I haven't completely internalized it yet) being single makes it easier.

I really like the fireworks idea!

Sorry, I don't post more on your thread but you're in deeper waters than I can be helpful in, I think. (But I'll try to stop by and wish you Mazel Tov there.)

Hatzlacha with your life and Hatzlacha with your wife, (look: I'm a poet and I didn't even realize )
NeedToQuit

Just a quick update as day 92 rounds to a close.

I'm still confused about whether there is more which I can do about shmiras ainayim or whether it is just my Y"H trying to get me depressed thinking that I haven't changed at all. I catch myself seeing things in the street and on billboards and I don't stare but I'm not sure I look away fast enough or don't enjoy it. Also I think that, as I've mentioned before, the statistics of what I see paint a grim picture. Maybe the world is really prust (ok yes I know it is) or maybe I'm only looking at the prust part of the world. I'm just confused and don't know what to think.

Also, my urge to watch TV or movies is firing up again. Tonight I heard someone else watching a TV show and I was so tempted to watch something. I almost signed on GYE to find someone to tell me it was OK. I hope no-one would have but in my delusional state I hoped that I someone would. But instead I started arranging my stuff for my vacation next week and low and behold not watching didn't kill me and I totally forgot about the desire until starting this post. (First notice: I'll be without a computer or phone almost the entire next week. ) I just hope I can keep it up one day at a time because I don't think that I can afford watching TV almost as much as I can't afford to watch porn. As AlexEliezer wrote:

Hatzlacha to us all in all of our growth,
NeedToQuit

thanks for sharing. keep up your great work.

the world is a prust place. it is both better and worse than we expect, the trouble is knowing which one in any given situation....
the good news is that - to quote the rebbe reb bards - she may be a problem but she's not your problem. our job is not to fix the whole world (at least not this week). we need to do out part and let the RBSO run the world as He sees fit
wishing you much continued hatzlocha