We can't, and that's why we can be happy with whatever our feelings may be, if we would be able to change them then we'd need to in order to be happy, but since we can't, then we can just accept what our feelings are and be happy even though they're lousy!!

Pidaini wrote:


Didn't I tell you that?

Anyway, we can certainly change our actions. I started singing to myself smiled and thanked Hashem. Then I felt happier. (I also lusted less today)

MBJ wrote:


agreed being depressed sucks big time!!!

i guess i'm going to join you in being happy, because being happy rocks a being depressed sucks!!!

i'll try to sing and thank hashem the way you did!!

KOBH(being happy)!!!

But then how can you be happy if you cant change your emotions?

I agree that sometimes we cant affect what emotions come to us like sadness etc but we can decide to change our emotions and in fact change!

It's the difference between "feeling" happy and "being" happy.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:

Exactly! And often if I act happy, then I will be happy and feel happy.

I was in a state of mind that when I started I was resisting the effort. But I pushed through and felt as happy as I was acting. B"H it is continuing and I feel great.

Hey MBJ,

Happy to hear that your happy fest is spilling over to day two!

חיצוניות מעוררת הפנימיות

I once heard that there was a study done (Perhaps it is a true story or perhaps it was made up) of different people from different socio-economic levels, backgrounds and stuff, to see what causes happiness.
The end result of the study was the only thing that seperated the happy people from the others was.....
the decision to be happy.
Perhaps we are finding added proof to the study.
in fact, as I write this I also am deciding to be happy after a stressful day and I just broke a sly smile

MBJ

Pidaini

Gevura Shebyesod

MBJ

In that case can the secret be changed to "The secret to being happy is to act happy?"

unanumun wrote:


hi una,
it look like a lot of posts echo the same theme, the decision to be happy. i understand there really is something to this, a bit like the yiddish saying "trucht git, vet zahn git"
however i like better the knaitsch added by our friend ineed, that chitzoinus m'oirair p'nimius. (mis.yesh.- if i'm not mistaken).
this is because, although it is really beneficial to be in a positive frame of mind, and to be in good spirits, it is not an end to itself. it's purpose is for greater things.
and when the lack of cheer, is caused by something deeper than everyday wear and tear, it would seem prudent to find a actual step to take, and together with a positive mindset, b'ezras Hashem, be matzliach.
basically a plaster (band-aid) won't heal a gaping wound.

I know I have been gone for a while, and I intended to stay gone, but I keep getting pokes from people how I am doing so out of respect to them I will give an update.
Baruch Hashem, day by day I am doing well. I have 18 months sobriety now. I left the forum and cut off connections here because of pressure from my wife. She asked me to not have personal correspondence with people that I meet here. This was very important to her and out of respect for her, I am respecting that request. So while I may not be present here, my thoughts are never too far, and I have you in my tefilos everyday. If you really want to know what I am up to check me out on the Wall of Honor, I update it monthly. If I fall c"v, I will update that as well, though keeping up a streak of 18 months is mighty strong motivation.
My home life is what it was, nothing to update for those who know.
Though since I am posting I will say something, I recently tried to talk to my wife about us again. I told her that I wanted more connection affection etc. She said to me a few things thst she is 1000% correct about. First off that while we have no sexual chemistry anymore, not for many years now, we have a wonderful relationship as parent as partners in a home, and we really do compliment each other and work together beautifully. That comes with its own intimacy and closeness, maybe not the one that I fantasize about, but that doesn't make it less important. The second thing she said was, maybe I am too busy looking at what I am missing and not enjoying what I do have. This floored me, I have spent the last 3 years trying to learn this lesson and intetnalize it, and she just popped it off. Gave me a new level of respect for her. (Which I promptly forgot and am reminded again as I type this.)

Thank you all for the concern.
Trust in Hashem, He has a plan for us all we just have to let Him take care of us.

Nice to hear from you. Thanks for checking in.
Hatzlocho in everything.

Hi MBJ!!!

Its been a while. I was really thinking about you. I even tried to email you but it seems you don't have that email account anymore. I'm so happy to hear your doing great b"h!!!!

Keep up the good work!! I'm sure every bit of effort you put in will pay off be"h. Like you said Hashem has his plan for us.

Hope to hear from you again soon.

Thank you for taking the time to update us.

We miss you!

That was an amazing update, MBJ. I miss you, too.