I think the positive that people experience is just the positive of living life. When "lust" is in charge, we are possesed, doing things that are desctructive and painful, yet we are not able to stop. Being able to live a "normal" life without being controlled by lust is quite enjoyable.

When someone walks out of jail, they are happy. Why? Nothing positive happened. Just the removal of a negative. Being controlled by lust is like being in jail. Freedom is sweet.

my 2 cents.

I think we need both aspects. The "life" aspect for actually living life and the "lo saaseh" too keep us in check cause we always gotta be careful. Careful not crazy or else that would impede on living.

I like the way you phrased the question.

The real 12-steppers will answer you that the sobriety that they have, providin' that they reached a certain level, is an "aseh," for they are closer to God and more attached and so on. That might be true and probably is.

Those who are not (and i am closer to this group) will define sobriety like you said, but then there are the side effects that come with it, and those are 'positives' as well....for I now experience the feelin' of freedom....i am free of lust many times, which feels great. I can pass by certain areas without havin' urges. I can see my wife at all times and not have desperate desires. I can walk the streets, etc. And it also has a snowball effect to the rest of the day. More in control of work, davenin', projects, etc.

Bottom line....I wouldn't worry about it.

and the biggest positive that you should think about....as Chicago was wont to say: "You're the inspiration" for me and for many others.

chazak; chazak!!

Believe me I am extraordinarily grateful for my sobriety. But all too often I feel like I am slogging through life. I am want that high on life feeling that is all too fleeting for me. I guess my perspective most of the time is that my life doesn't make me happy, but with much emunah I can try to accept that it is good for met and use the tools I have learned to stay sober. But living life the is just about keeping the sadness from overwhelming you is not a way to live. I guess I need to find the tools in my toolbox to find happiness in life.
Though cordnoy, you are right that giving chizzuk does make me happy

Sweet friend. I've suffered from sooo much pain and sadness and depression, since I was just a little kid (I'm 27 now), and I had always thought, until the last 2 years, that I would never ever get past it. However, I have, to a huge degree. Its taken a huge amount of effort on various levels, using Torah, Prayer, therapy, friendship (like here), and more physical stuff like hobbies and exercise. It's been a huge effort but every little push has been completely worth it. I can honestly say that I feel genuine happiness, almost every day. I've had to learn a lot about embracing and facing pain, and much more, and I'm still learning. I've had to slowly learn how to respect myself, how to be aware of the goodness that exists in me.

You sound like you're hurting and that hurts me. Please email me if you feel I can be of assistance.

Much love and blessing

MBJ wrote:


i tend to think that a human is like a cup.
can be full, can be empty,
can fill it with different things,
not being filled with bad stuff doesn't mean that the cup is full with good stuff.
also, i think their is evidence that true happiness (see 5 levels from r.n weinberg, obm) makes life really life. and without it- join the rest of the world on prozac- or worse.

Thank you for tha moshul lavi, it seems very appropriate. I feel like my cup is empty now. I took out the lust and I need to find something wholesome to fill it with instead.

There was just a gye email about this idea. They always seem to bec on topic for me.

Big book tells the story about the storm that thoroughly demolished the farm. Farmer comes out of the bunker they were hiding in and tells his wailing wife, well, storm's blown over... But the fact his that his farm has been reduced to rubble! He can't be content with the fact that the storm's passed

MBJ wrote:


Has anythin' changed in the last week or so?
You usually are much more upbeat?
Can we help?

It should be with hatzlachah

Not the last week or so, just something I always struggle with. Some times I am more successful, right now less so. As you all are aware my marriage is strange to say the least, and at times I feel disconnected, which can be difficult. I am actually doing a bit better since my first post.

Like I said, I try to have trust in Gd that He has my back, so that keeps me from falling, but it doesn't leave me brimming with!joy always. Sometimes I just want basic human companionship.

I have decided that being depressed sucks and I would rather be happy. So now I am going to be happy.

:-)

Wow, so easy, and it's catchy too- you made me smile!

MBJ wrote:

I once heard from a good friend

"The secret to being happy is to be happy"

Go for it!!!

Yankel, I thought you paskened that we can't change our feelings?