reallygettingthere wrote:


I get that on Romanian sites.

Funny how this addiction thing is so predicable.

(Cue Einstein quote)

I started slipping a few days ago and although I didnot fall, the pattern is here. I haven't posted in nearly two weeks. I am certain that if I don't get imediatley back into the swing of things I will fall. So here I am getting back into the swing of things.

reallygettingthere wrote:


Almost can ditto

I'm posting becasue I can

I think, therefore, I am

Hi chevra,

Im recorind a fall for today.

I wasted 40 minutes of my time lusting.

The pattern I see here is that I do well, I stop posting, then a teeny crack apears in my defenses...

I think I can keep clean from now till I go to sleep



Good shabbos

Love,
Eli

just worry about now; not about sleep time.

b'hatzlachah

Dear Eli, i love you too, chaver. Your honesty is the best thing you have got, far better than all the chizzuk in the world. Chizzuk runs out, but honesty is the gift that keeps on giving. Hang on to it and never let go. I have discovered that 'brutal' honesty is often not honesty, at all...real honesty does not need to be brutal. It's as powerful when peaceful, as it is any other way. So your admitting what you did here is a great step, I do the same and it helps me, too. I'd encourage you to do the same with real live people, not just on a faceless and virtual forum, though. Hatzlocha on this path. You have come so far because of getting real w yourself, and 99.9% of the time, the 'getting real with ourselves' that saves us and gets the recovery ball rolling is actually the fruit of our coming out and admitting the simple, unvarnished, explicit truth to another person.

B"H for GYE! It starts people on a great way to live!

- Dov

Thanks Dov. (funny, I had actually written love)

I fell last night and again today. Not by SA standards but by GYE standards. It hurt to admit it but I'm not going to make believe that everything is fine and it was just a slip.

I did though after the fall have a feeling of yiush and was going to watch a movie trailer that came up (after I watched the trailer for the Minion Movie) but I told myself that those little battles, the ones that I can control, those are the one I need to be extra vigilant about. The big nisyonos - possibly not in my control. The small stuff though I can and must be careful about.

I need to run to maariv (about 5 minutes ago) but I had told myself that I need to post as a critial part of my dealing with my lust.

I am not depressed slightly down but not depressed. I don't think it is PTSD but rather an understanding that I am in a much much better place than I was two years ago (a free fall in bottomless pit... crazy, no?) and with Hashems help (and my committed vigilance) I will continue to grow

Didnt get enough sleep because I was chatting with one of the chevra last night. I felt though that is was a worthy price to pay (assuming that If feel weak today because I'm tired I will reach out for support)

Baruch Hashem today was ok

I have nothing interesting to say but I also have nothing bad to report so... yeah...

reallygettingthere wrote:


Nothing bad to report? That's quite a good deed.

ישב ולא עבר עבירה נותנים לו שכר כעושה מצוה
קידושין לט

Hatzlacha

MT

LEICHTER!!!!

I felt very anxious yesterday.... brain wasn't working... easily distracted... had stuff to do that need my full concentration.

I didn't act out BH

Thank y' Lawdy

My goodness!

Yesterday was quite stressful as well.

The weird thing is that that I initially din't feel any draw to lust which was probably because I felt a bit depressed/scared as well. Anyway, as time went on, the pull towards my drug of choice began to emerge. Nothing crazy, but it was present.

Chatting with some of the chevra here as well as with with some people in person was very helpful.

After everything was said and done, the source of stress self corrected to a great extent. With Hashem's help I had stayed clean.